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CommentsHi Betsey & Conner! I'm glad to hear you had a good Easter. Betsey I got your letter, thank you, I only wish I could help more. You are both in my thoughts & prayers. Kelly
CommentsWell, I've busy the past couple of days. Fussing with the state a little more and staying up all night because of no night nurses which was directly related to the confusion of the mistakenly cut then reinstated hours. They reinstated the extra two hours but because the nursing agency made a schedule based on the other hours, I ended up with nothing....after fighting so hard to have the correct number back. Regardless, on April 17, they go to twelve hours. I just hope the new agency can keep me staffed. When everything is on a routine it is so much better. Its bad right now because I don't want the people I'm working for to think this is too much for me. I can do everything, just with a little flexibility. Anyway, I enjoyed Lauren and Drew's visit. Drew was so CUTE! Mom was in the den and Drew kept saying something to her as I was walking in. She said, "Do you hear what he's saying?" No, what? He was saying, "Grammy, there's an angel on the house. Fly up, fly down, fly up, fly down. There's an angel." Then he said, "It's gone!" Mom and I just looked at each other like our privacy had just been violated by an angel. That's weird but I always feel like there are "things" in our house. I always say my house is haunted but I think Conner just has lots of spirits surrounding him. I sound nutty, don't I? Just come spend some time here and you'd say the same thing, I think. Anyway, Conner is doing okay besides the fact that he stayed up from 2 am to 8 am on a night I had him. It was the second night and I wasn't as patient this morning as I was the one before. I was so tired and thinking how frustrating it is to not know why he is up and if he is hurting or just mildly uncomfortable and not able to tell me. Now that I am rested, I feel stupid for standing in the bathroom crying at 5:30 am. Why was crying? I was just SO TIRED! Anyway, he's fine now -I'm fine now and he's fine, I guess. I hope he'll take a nap soon so he won't be up all night again. Someone suggested keeping him awake until about 9 pm but he'd take a nap then and wake up at 1:00 and be awake until 7 or 8 am. If he'll take a short nap now he'll be more likely to sleep through the night when he goes down later. Oh well, talk later and thanks for caring about Conner. Oh, I wanted to say Happy Birthday to Colin who is Casey O'Neill's younger brother. He is turning one and I can't believe it has been a year. If you read this, Sue, I think about you all the time. I have the boys' picture on Conner's dresser and show everyone who enters the room. When I see the other moms doing "their jobs" with their kids it inspires me to keep going and not be such a crybaby. I was thinking yesterday how lucky I was to have Conner right next to me, so calmly, watching tv. I thought about how wonderful it was to be able to lay there with my arm around his hiney and kiss his cheek and neck and hear him give me a sound that was the equivalent of, "mom-meeeee...stop kissin' me, I'm trying to watch Tarzan, the series." I always tell him, "its not the movie, its Tarzan the series-so the art is not as good." Well, I have stuff to do including taking care of the baby.
CommentsBetsey and Conner, I just wanted to say Have a good weekend! I have no doubt there are Angels watching over your house all the time. Take care, Paul
CommentsHi little guy! I miss you. You must be a good boy for mommy. She really needs to get her sleep...especially if you want her to play with you and be "nice". She can be a real "booger-bear" when she doesn't get her necessary 8, (no...6, no...4) Well she needs at least an hour or two a night, so try to co-operate. I hope you have sweet dreams, and good visits with your little angels. I actually woke up laughing this morning from the silly dream I was having. I won't even try to explain them, because they didn't make sense to me, but I will say that Frankie was in it so there was lots of laughing going on. Be good, I love you all,
CommentsThanks mom. Paul, we did have a good weekend. Conner's daddy and granddaddy took him to see his great-grandmommy in Hawkinsville. Conner got to go to the harness race and see horses! Neat. He got to see his cousins and other family. I know he had a good time. He was trying to tell me all about it when he got home last night. I rode a motorcycle this weekend! Brandon and I rode it to the beach and ate lunch there. It was wonderful and fun and I got to call Conner every once in a while and hear his bipap breathing and know he was fine. So, its back to the routine that I love and makes me feel so secure. And work...I love it! So, I'm off but I'll get some pictures up of Conner at the globetrotters and in his suit.
CommentsConner, I am so jealous! You got to see MaMa. I hope you gave her a big kiss for me. I sure do miss that sweet lady. I think of her often and wish we could meet again. I'm sure she has had Connie in her mind and heart, as we all have. It's hard to watch the warm weather coming back and think about last year this time and all the praying we were doing for Connie to get better. It just wasn't meant to be and I miss her. I can only imagine what her dear mother is feeling. I know she's with us in spirit, but it sure would be nice to hear her laugh and see those blue eyes one more time. Take care, Conner and Betsey and John
CommentsConner is doing pretty good today. We met with the director of the preschool disability program (don't know if that's the exact name) but we talked about Conner having a special teacher come to the house in the fall and possibly-maybe...going to school one morning a week. It was fun talking about school and Conner getting educated! We never thought we'd encounter this. When I got home I asked him if he wanted to go to school like his big cousin Lauren and his big cousin Abby and he smiled. I guess that was a yes or he was just happy that I said, Lauren and Abby. He is a sweet precious thing who looks nothing like me! John was standing beside him the night before last and I just couldn't believe how much they looked alike. It even looked like they both had the same expression as they were looking at the tv. He doesn't even look like my child except for the curly hair. Anyway, things are fine, sort of-there's always something crazy and stressful on the perimeter if not right in the center-but immediately around me-things are fine. I am feeling content and for the first time in a long time like things are going forward instead of backwards. And Conner is getting so old!
CommentsDear Betsey, Sorry I haven't gotten in touch until now. We have been on Spring Break. The kids ask just as soon as they arrived back about Conner. It was so good to let them know he hasn't had any upsets lately. I can't wait till tomorrow to let them know about Conner going to see MaMa and how well he did on his trip. Also about his excitement about going to school. They will be thrilled. We will be giving more test soon. I know all my students are so tired of being tested. But they are getting ready to color some spring flower pictures and summer scenes for Conner. I'll let you know when to expect another visit from UPS. I'm so glad you are happy about your job. The people you are working with are very lucky to have you on staff. --Yes I remember this time last year. So much to be sad about. This was about the time when Connie fell, wasn't it? I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't been so faithful about keeping in touch with me. I hope you know how much I appreciated everything you did especially when you read my letter to her. Thank you. Anyway, I hope you are taking care of yourself and that the nursing times are arranged where you can get some rest. I see you like motorcycles!! Remind me to tell you of some adventures from my youth. No- better let those rest...Give Conner nibbles from me and remember you are loved. Miss Lucie
CommentsI have worked ALL day and evening and it felt good. Ah, like my old self again. Conner got to spend extra time with Daddy. He passed out without his bipap on and looked so precious asleep with no mask. Of course his o2 dropped toward the end of his nap which marked the transition to awaken. I got a sweet smile from the baby. I asked him if was going to stay up all night, "uh-huh!" Miss Lucie, I hope you and the kids had a good vacation. I think of you all and wonder when we will get up there. I don't care what is going on, we are coming before the end of the school year! Gotta go to bed-tired...
CommentsHi Master Conner! I hope you are having a happy and peaceful day! We are thinking and praying for you over here in Thomasville!! Betsey-I just read the best book! It was about a family who had a special needs child. This little girl had microcephaly as well as cerebral palsy. The mother in it describes many of the thing I have either heard you talk about or write here on Conner's web site. The book speaks of how this little girl ended up changing so many peoples lives and the special purpose she had even with her many disabilities. I asked my friend (I borrowed the book) if I could mail it to you. I really thought about you the whole time I was reading it. (Don't be insulted when you read _Lisa_ though, there are parts that definately DON'T remind me of you guys...lol...you'll see what I'm talking about!) But I just thought it would be an encouragement! I'm going to drop it in the mail to you. After you find time to read it, I'll just get it when I'm home. Have a Blessed day! Shelley
CommentsHi Babes, Well, it's nasty and rainy here, but Grammy is up and getting ready to go sell perfume at Rich's...what a life. I sure wish I had gotten an education and could being doing something a little more rewarding for mankind, but I'll leave that up to you Boo. Tell Conner that Grammy will be down to see him tomorrow and I'll jump around and act real silly like the Wiggles. When you get ready to plan you trip to Blue Ridge let me know. Frankie is in Hiawassee now and will be there all of May. I'm sure she'd be glad to give you a key to the cabin. Bye
CommentsThings have been busy! Conner spent Sat. night at Daddy's and had a good time. I slept a long time! It was lovely and needed. Conner went to the neurologist yesterday-Dr. Pearlman. He hasn't really needed to go-there's really no reason but I thought it would be good to have him seen and ask some questions that have arisen. Conner's eyes shake back and forth all the time and I wondered about that and if it gets worse, does it affect the way he sees, would it make him nauseated. He adjusts and don't know about it in relation to the disease because it is not a common characteristic. Conner is in a good position to be with us for a little while longer with consideration to no serious and recurring respiratory issues. He's very weak and you never know but at least I know that he has some strength to likely make it through an isolated respiratory problem if necessary. Conner has done so well and his good health and no pneumonia has most likely bought him a couple or a few more years. The doctor said that his airways would get larger as he grows allowing for easier clearing. However, weight is not good for the chest wall but Conner is skinny (although we call him "fatty" and tell him he's really fat to tease him). I feel like we have gotten Conner over a hump and while he still is very delicate we can start relaxing a little bit and enjoy life more. We used to think we'd lose him any day but now I think maybe we actually could have a couple or a few more years. I have never been that hopeful because I was being cautious with my emotions (I still am-he could still catch a serious cold and have complications) but the best outlook is that he could experience some great things before he dies. That would be great to introduce him to neat things that we never thought we would. Oh! Lucie and class, I am trying to coordinate calendars to get up there. There's a family reunion the first week in May and a wedding the second. When do the kids get out of school? We will work this out and send a video for the kids. I have to add that to my to-do list right now or I'll forget like I do anything that doesn't go on that list. Okay, gotta work. Poor Conner-something's up with him today. No fever but his pulse is up a little-I don't know. We gave him motrin so maybe if its discomfort, it'll help. I hear him in there talkin' right now. I thought I had him rubbed back to sleep. Irene'll go fuss at him...."You party animal! You need to stop tryin' to party and go back to sleep!"
Commentsi think conner had poopie problems because he is very sound asleep now (after a mess for Irene this morning)...poor poopie pot!
CommentsGood Morning Betsey and Conner! How are you both today? I just wanted to say Hi and make sure everything is as good as it can be. Betsey, you are a strong woman the way you just keep going. I know that sometimes it gets frustrating and seems hopeless but you seem to keep a clear head and know what you have to do for Conners sake. Conner you are a very strong little guy the way you keep going and keep your mom and dad smiling. I wish I could meet you one day so my little boy could play with you and make you laugh like he does to me. Well guys, you take care and I'll check in again soon. Paul
CommentsDear Conner, I can't wait to see you.!!! Betsey, I have been so excited since I got your email. Everything is going to work out for the visit up here, I just know it. The main thing is for Conner to be happy and feeling fine for the trip. I am not telling the students until the last minute. If I did, there would be some really bad CRCT test scores. I know they will be thrilled to see Conner. Each day when I log on to find out how things are, they ask constantly about Conner's day and how he is doing. Now, with the upcoming visit, they will get to see for themselves. What joy Conner has brought to us! Please call when you have finished tending to Conner one night and we will talk more. Remember you are loved. Miss Lucie---and 4th Grade.
CommentsThanks Paul. I think a lot of the aggravation has paid off now! The past couple of years have been rough and stressful. Conner's blue episodes and close brushes with death, nursing problems, money problems, family problems, uncle's death, sweet, sweet Conner's grandmommy Connie's cancer and death and the effect it had on her immediate family, the state's quarterly threats and reviews, and some really bad luck have given way to lots of good news that I have to report. First, I talked to the insurance company this morning about the new bipap and I feel confident that we should get it by next week-before our trip to Blue Ridge! I am excited too, Miss Lucie! We will go up on May 16 and see the kids on that Fri. at school with the new bipap. The two batteries (back up for when electricity goes out and the one for portability) are what the kids' money went to. We'll show them. Another good thing-the new nursing agency started last night. I had a great nurse who works with the sma twins and knew how to take care of Conner without any explanation from me! Wonderful. And no more stressful three month reviews worrying about the hours being cut all the time. Life without that worry will be lovely. Also, this agency has a reputation for having its shifts filled. Also, IRENE IS STAYING WITH US!!!!!! She decided to stay and I am so relieved. She and I make a great team and I KNOW that's why Conner has done so well this year. Conner has had a couple of really good nurses-Lisa and Hope-and we did good too, but this has been so consistent and proven to work well and I didn't want that to change. Irene is a second mommy to Conner. I tease her and say that when Conner starts talking he's going to talk with a southern-black accent. We are all glad Irene is staying because it ensures that Conner is well taken care of while I am taking care of survival things-work and "Conner business." Another good thing is that I am working and will be making enough money to split the bills with John making me INDEPENDENT!!!! I love working and helping other people. The workshops and presentations as well as the Alzheimer's program have been going well so far and more work keeps coming in. Since I have a good workspace at home, I can continue to work on stuff and give Conner needed attention during the time the nurses aren't here. With his new bipap, I can actually get him out with me-up to the church (work) with me or if I just want to get out and go for a walk. John has been wonderful and supportive in taking care of Conner when I work in the evening. He is always a phone call away and consistently spends time with Conner. I am also lucky to have Brandon to spend fun time with and do things with Conner that I wouldn't do otherwise. Brandon is much more creative than I am with regard to Conner's abilities. Another good thing: My brother, Jeff, is living back up in N.Ga. in a supportive place and is so far sober again as of this week. If he does what he knows he has to do, he can do it. And I will be able to feel proud instead of like I have a dead brother. On top of everything else, Conner is stable and happy. I love him so much and I am so lucky to have him. No matter what is going with Conner, no matter how sick he is, he is my son-not necessarily my sick son but my son. That's a hard thing to get past-"my sick child." NO! My son. When he's not having death spells everyday its easier to focus on my son's needs and what will make his life better or more fun and entertaining as opposed to what will just keep him alive. With the exception of missing my sweet baby Abby girl and having her *&#@!%$ mother change her phone number so we can't have contact with her-UUHHHHHH!!!!!!!-things are okay. To feel the happiness and relief I feel today and ability to enjoy Conner as good as he can be-today-is worth all the crap (not deaths and suffering) that we have experienced the past couple of years. A couple of people have made the remark that its scary when things seem to be going too good. I don't feel that way-I used to. Things have been crappy for so long that I'll take a breath of fresh air when I can get it and expect that the challenges will arise in time. But I know that there is nothing I can't handle, so why not enjoy this while I can?
CommentsAmen Betsey!!! Enjoy YOUR LIFE - it's about time.... Love, Gina
CommentsWOW Betsey!! Amazing!! I'm so thrilled for you AND Conner!!!
CommentsI am so glad that Irene is staying on for Conner and you. He doesn't need to have to make any new adjustments now. I'm grateful that both of our sons are doing well right now and I will enjoy this time also...praying that it will only get better. Gotta go work and solve my "money" problems. Talk to ya' later,
CommentsToday and tonight is fine. Conner's being sweet and bratty and cute as usual. No nurse tonight but I suppose I can understand because the nurse is in the emergency room and none of the others can come last minute. I won't say it to them but one night of privacy isn't so bad...but two or more gets to be exhausting. I have to work tomorrow and tomorrow night but I'll sleep later and all will be fine. Anyway, Conner's done well today and had his arms in the slings and moved and danced. He took a late nap so he'll probably stay up late. He's in the den still now. I'll leave him out as late as possible and try to tire him out so he won't be up ALL NIGHT!!!!! Irene will be here at 8am so I know I'll sleep then! Okay, all is good so far and talk later.
CommentsConner will always be in my heart.I love you Conner.
CommentsI have to apologize to those of you who I haven't called yet. Early this morning Conner passed. I am sorry to tell anyone this way-over the internet but for some this is our form of communication. Call if you'd like, I don't mind but we are just waiting for what to do next. Mom just got here and I can't sleep and I ....I don't know. I called whoever I thought to call to tell anyone else...I don't know. I don't know. We're okay though. Not really but we will be. Much love to all of you and I will post the arrangements because I know that this is a way that some of you can know. lots of love to all of you
CommentsDear Betsey & John, All of our thoughts & prayers are with you. Remember Ms. Connie & your dad are waiting for him & they will be the first ones to see precious Conner take his first steps. My love for you all, I will see you this weekend.
CommentsMy dear sweet Betsey, I have talked to the school counselor and we are telling the students right before they go home. They are still drawing pictures as I write. Thanks for the call. I know it was hard. Remember, sweet smiles. I will be there as soon as I can. You and John are loved.. Miss Lucie
CommentsBetsey I don't know what to say, I am in total shock. I am so sorry to hear about sweet Conner. I feel as though I got to know him a little bit through this page and through Gina and am just so sad right now. You are a very brave, strong woman Betsey, God and your friends will help see you through this and everything will be ok. Take care of yourself. My condolences to John and the rest of your family also. Paul
CommentsGreetings, Right now your hearts are heavy but there is a relief that Conner isn't suffering anymore. Try not to feel guilty about that relief because Conner is in Heaven with my son Darren. Darren was born with spina bifa long before you were born. His life was very short because of many things I had no control over. Even though it was so long, I haven't forgotten the pain of losing him. God allowed that to happen to keep my eyes on him. God is with you, he knows your pain, and he WILL carry you through. His grace is worth all the suffering. You have been in my thoughts and prayers through Conner's life. My Niece,Lisa Crump has shared with me about your family. You have touched many lives as you will continue to do. God bless. Brenda Abernathy
CommentsDear Betsy and John, We are so sorry for your loss. I know you are going through a hard time right now, but please try to remember that you have the most beautiful, perfect little angel watching over you for the rest of your lives. You and your families are in our thoughts and prayers always. Love, Susan
CommentsConner, You will always be with us. in our hearts and in our lives. We love you. Jimbo, Cenda, Abbey, and Sarah Kate
CommentsI REMEMBER LAST YEAR WHEN AUNT CONNIE WAS IN THE HOSPITAL WE TALKED ABOUT A CONVERSATION YOU HAD WITH HER. SHE TOLD YOU SHE WOULD BE THERE WAITING WHEN HE PASSED OVER, HOW SWEET THAT REUNION MUST HAVE BEEN FOR THEM. OUR THOUGHTS & PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU & JOHN AND EVERYONE IN THE FAMILY. I AM SO VERY SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS THAT MY WORDS & FEELINGS CANNOT BE EXPLAINED. I LOVE YOU DEARLY. GOD BLESS
CommentsBetsey and John, Just heard the news. My thoughts and prayers are with you both. I can't imagine what ya'll are feeling right now. See you this weekend. Love to you both!
CommentsBetsey and John I am so sorry for your loss and please know my family will be keeping you both in our thoughts and prayers. I feel I have gotten to know Conner through this journal. Please know my heart if broken for both of you....
CommentsBetsey and John, I am deeply sorry for your loss. One thing I know is that Conner could not have asked for more special people to be with while here with us. My thoughts and prayers are with you and the rest of the family! Lots of love, Kevin
CommentsBetsey & John, I am so sorry for your loss. I know nothing that we can say will ease your pain right now but just remember you are in the hearts, thoughts, and prayers of many many people. Kelly
CommentsBetsey and John, words can't express the sadness in our hearts. Conner has touched so many lives and we know he will always continue to live through your love and memories. Remember that you will always have your sweet, sweet little angel watching over you both from Heaven. Our hearts and prayers are with you both right now. Love, Maria & Doug
CommentsJohn and Betsey, I am so, so, so sorry for all the loss the two of you have suffered this year. I wish there was more I could do. We have a 9:00 a.m. flight tomorrow to Georgia so if everything is running on time we should be in Statesboro by 3:00 p.m. If there is anything - anything at all we can do while we are there, please don't hesitate to call me at mom's. I love both of you so much and Conner will certainly be missed. I have called all my friends in Texas who feel like they have all gotten to know Conner over these past two years and they all send their love and prayers to you. You both are an inspiration to so many people and I am so thankful that I know you both and I am so thankful that I had the opportunity to know such a brave young man by the name of Conner. He will forever hold such a special place in my heart. Much, much love, Robyn
CommentsHow do I see the light from this dark place? Emptiness fills my heart. A hole - deep and wide - much bigger than ever fathomed, Joy seems a distant emotion. Nothing to erase these feelings. Hollow. Void. Black. Your precious smile I see no more. The sweet smell of you has disappeared. The presence of an angel that made my heart beat despite knowing the inevitable…vanished. Nothing left but clothes and toys and traces of angel prints. How did this happen? How did I arrive at this gloomy place? I wake only to feel numb and lifeless. And then in an instant… A memory - a stunning, living memory of times past Awakens your presence in the here and now. Your smile I can see so clearly. Your smell comes back in a flurry. The presence of an angel rushes through my body once more. I am alive! Yet again, you teach me. No matter where I go or what I do. No matter which clothes I choose to keep and which toys I decide I can no longer look at. No matter if I move to the ends of the Earth away from the home we once lived in together. You are still with me. A happy feeling. A beautiful flower. A breath of fresh air. In all things wonderful and loving I will find you. I have been touched by the soul of an angel…and I rejoice! “I thank my God upon every remembrance of you.” -Philippians 1:3
CommentsBetsey, I am so sorry to hear of your loss of Connor. Words can't express my sorrow. I will keep you and your family in my prayers and may time ease your pain and memories lighten you hearts.
CommentsBetsey, I wrote the poem above in memory of our angels. Sometimes when I cry, I need to write. Hope you don't mind. Sending love & strength, Gina
CommentsI'm not sure if you'll remember me, but I remember you & your touching story, I have often thought about you & Conner wondering how things were going, hoping for the best. I just received an email from Maria informing me of Conner's passing. I'm sorry it took this to touch base with you. I went on the cruise with you for maria's bachlorette party. What a good time we had..... As everyone else has said there are no words to make things better, only time to heal & memories to remind one of the special moments. I can only imagine how you have made it through such a tough but wonderful part of your life. You are a very strong person & I don't know if I could've made it through all of what you endured as well as you have. I just wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you & your family. Hang in there, you'll make it your strong & you have wonderful people surrounding you. love & blessing to you & your family. And when things settle you need to come & visit us down here in South Florida :)
CommentsBetsey we were in Maria's wedding together and I wanted to send my deepest condolences to you and your family. I have always heard Maria talk about how special your little boy was to you. With deepest sympathy... Stacey
CommentsBetsey, John, and Family - I have no words capable of offering you comfort. I can only assure you that Conner was loved by all who had the honor of knowing him, either in person or from a distance. Although I never met Conner personally, he touched my life, too, in such a profound way. He was the essence of God's love wrapped in a frail and fragile little body. Hebrews 13:2 says, Be not forgetful to entertain strangers; for thereby some have entertained angels unawares. This you have fulfilled, for you were blessed with the presence of the most beautiful and precious little angel in God's flock. And now his shepherd has called him home. May God bless you at this time and fill your heart with peace, knowing Conner is finally healed and with his heavenly Father. Matthew 11:28 Come to me, all you who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest.
CommentsThank you. I've read all of your entries and it certainly does help to know we have people thinking of our sweet baby and us. Conner looked so peaceful last night and died in a very peaceful manner-not the dramatic choking incident we feared-just slipped away as I was walking from one room to the other glancing at Conner as I passed. On the last walk-through, I noticed his eyes closed and knew it wasn't right. He had passed in just a matter of moments. Anyway, the arrangements-the visitation is at Joiner-Anderson Funeral Home from 4-8pm Sat. and the funeral is at 2pm on Sun. at First Baptist. Thank you for all of your support and caring. It is so dignifying to Conner and us. It means everything.
CommentsBetsey and family, I am so sorry for your loss. My prayers and tears are for you during this difficult time. May time ease your pain and bring with it the comfort of memories of your precious little Conner.
CommentsJohn and Betsy, I feel as if I have lost one of my own family members. My thoughts and heartfelt prayers are with you. Your angel is with God now, and I am sure he looks down on earth watching his guardian angels, you two, who were blessed to have shared time with him while he was here. Thank you so much for sharing him with us. Holli Deal
CommentsJohn and Betsey, Remember Connie's promise. Know that she is holding Conner right now, and that for the first time, Connor can play, can talk, can eat, can sing, can laugh, can hold his own toys and his head up high. I admire you both for your strength and your ability to see beyond your own feelings. While you must be extremely hurt and saddened, I can't help but wonder if you both are not relieved that your special angel is with God and his Grandma now. Bless you both. You are in my prayers.
CommentsMy deepest sympathies are with you and your family. I recently lost my baby, Charlie, to SMA. Please know that he, along with all the other SMA baby angels, were the first to greet Conner into the beautiful heaven. My family and I will be thinking of you, and praying for peace and comfort in the days ahead. Kathy, Jeff, Abby, Maggie and our little angel Charlie Cowan
CommentsDear Betsy, John, all of Conner's family, and nurses: My heart is bursting/breaking right now. One second I remember some of the silly stories you've shared about Conner and my heart swells happily knowing you have so many wonderful memories, and then the next second it hurts so badly knowing that Conner has left this earth. Conner will be missed by so many people--people that were blessed by knowing him in person and by people that "met" him, and loved him, by learning about his life thru your family journal and photos. Conner and Casey had so much in common. Somehow, I think that there is a piece of Conner "in" Casey that will always be there. Hearing that he passed quietly eases the hurt some. I wish you peace and strength. Love, Sue, Gene, Casey and Colin O'Neill and all of our nurses.
CommentsAlthough I did not personally know you, the Riggs family, I feel as though I have lost a close friend. I read Conner's story and saw his pictures, and you two were blessed to have been his guardians during his short time spent on Earth. If it is any consolation, just think back on the good times you spent with him and anticipate the day that you will reunite with your angel in Heaven. May God bless you both and help you pull through this hard time. In Christian love, Bobby NeSmith phs_rebel01@hotmail.com
CommentsDear Betsey & John and Conner family. We are so sorry to hear about Conner. He was such a sweet baby. Betsey, you were a loving and kind mother to Conner. You gave him so much love and care. May God be with you in this time of sorrow. Our prayers and thoughts are with you.
CommentsCousin Conner was one of my favorite pals!!! I loved to go to his house and watch videos with him, pull on his hair, and give him kisses. Aunt Betsey always got him the coolest movies; my Mommy cannot seem to get the good ones!!! Sometimes he would get mad with me because I would scream sometimes and he could not hear the TV. Well, it happened more than just sometimes. (Hint: Look at some of the pictures my Aunt Betsey posted!!!) Cousin Conner is with my Nonnie and I know she is rocking and loving him right now. I will miss my friend Cousin Conner soooo much but I will one day see him again along with my Nonnie. I love you Aunt Betsey, Uncle John, and Cousin Conner! Lil'Jim
CommentsDear Betsy and John: we are sorry to hear of your loss, but we are sure Conner is now at home with Connie, looking down on you and thanking you for the love and care you gave him. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and Conner. Love to you both, Roz and Fred
CommentsI have alot to say to both John and Betsey. But it seems that i cannot find a way to say anything. so i am gonna try to say a little and hope you can understand the magnitude of my feelings in these few words. for starters the two of you provided more love for Conner than i thought was possible. i have only been part of your lives for a few months, but these past months have been full of joy and awe. i cannot stress how much the three of ya'll have taught me and how grateful i am. Betsey already knows that i am always willing to sit down and listen or talk. I want you John to know that this willingness to listen and talk also extends to you! so please feel free to approach me with any of your thoughts. with lots of love brandon.
CommentsConner, you have touched so many lives. You will surely be missed. Your message and spirit will live forever. You showed how to be courageous and strong everyday. To Betsey and family, you will always be in my heart. Tears are flowing and prayers will continue. If I can be of any help ,please let me know ,anytime.
CommentsDear Betsey and John:Just yesterday I was talking about you with Holli Eckles and as usual, I had good intentions to call you yesterday to touch base and about the possibility of maybe sharing an office in the future, and much to my regret, I never made that phone call. Today, Al called and tearfully told me the news. Words cannot describe the sorrow and aching my heart has for you both. What warriors you both have been, with so much hope and courage. I have learned so much about life and the appreciation of what I have through you. You have been such an inspiration to me through out this whole ordeal and I'll aways admire your faith and courage. I will see you tomorrow late afternoon, but please know that I have shed so many loving tears for you today. Betsey, I know that once before we talked about God putting us together for a reason way back at Candler DFACS and I still firmly believe that. If I can do anything for you, you know how to find me. Take care of each other and since there are no words to make things better right now, I will close with the most precious words I know---God loves you both and I do too. God Bless you all!!! Terri
CommentsThey are called Angels - They come down from heaven for only a visit, they show us what love is all about, and we are never, ever the same. Betsey you took such great care of your precious Angel but ultimately their fate is out of our hands. I am so happy we knew him, he touched so many lives. Please come by anytime you wish. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
CommentsDear Betsey and John, I am so sick over this and have been all day...I just want you to know that our hearts are broken, and I just wish I could give you a huge hug and cry with you. I am definitely crying anyway---I am so so sorry. We love you Conner...Love, Debbie, Robert and Payton.
CommentsJohn and Betsy, so sorry to hear of the passing of your precious gift, Conner. Know that my prayers are with you doing this time and that God will give strength to continue to face each tomorrow. May God richly bless you for your faithfulness in serving and taking care of His gift to you.
CommentsMy precious Conner, this is my last entry to you but you will always be in my heart. I spoke with you just before you went down for your nap on Thursday, and, as usual, you had so much to say to me. I struggled to understand you and understood you saying "Ah looove" like you always did, and Mommy was saying that you were smiling and looking around. We had a nice long talk about all the things you love and how happy you were. Daddy had been by to see you and we talked about how much you loved Daddy and then you said "mamamama" and "nanana" and my day was complete. I'll hear those sweet sounds for the rest of my life. As Lauren said, "someday we'll see Conner, again"...always looking at the bright side. And my darling little man, we will. We will all be reunited someday and we'll all be able to run and play and be silly and love. Right now you show Granddaddy Bill how smart you are and give Grandmommy a big hug for me. Love, your Grammy
CommentsJohn and Betsy I am so sorry to hear of Conner's passing. I can't imagine all of the pain you have both had to go through in these 2 1/2 years. But I do want to say thank you for sharing him with me. He has touched my heart and soul like no other. Drew's visit with the angels in your home have also restored my faith in heaven and in God. He will be thought of often and will be missed. I love you Conner.
CommentsBetsey, After viewing your photos of Conner I can feel the love that you have shared with him as the rest of your family also has shown. A precious child such as Conner could only be believe to have been sent from above and I too feel that he is an angel. May God continue to bless you even after his passing. You have so much to give to others and Conner is a wonderful statement of the great person that you are. Love, Pam
CommentsI didn't know Connor, but I've read his story, and looked at his wonderful pictures... he was happy, you can tell. He had a good life, the best, most loving, parents. I know you will miss him, that there will be an emptiness where once he filled your lives with joy, but do not grieve for him, because he is in heaven. My love and best wishes for your whole family, Amy Letter (aunt to Payton James Freeman)
CommentsBetsy and John: I didn't think I would be able to write this but knew you had to know how we cared for your family. My daughter Michelle and I met John last year at the conference in Chicago. I told John then that I had found Conner's website sometime ago and went there every day to check on him. Last night when I went to check in, my heart broke as I read about Conner. This was one day I never wanted to come for you. I knew Michelle would be on her way home from the hospital so I called and we cried together, one in Indiana and one in Missouri. I would give a report each day on how Master Conner was and all his news. We were so excited over the thought of him going to school one day a week. Conner touched my life in a special way. I'm sorry I didn't get to meet him, except through your daily journal. I would laugh and enjoy the good and cry when he was having a bad day. We have had SMA in our life since 12/2000 and our little angel has taught me so much about life and the true meaning of Love. Conner had this love from you Betsy, John and so many others. I know Conner had such a sweet life and God took him so peaceful. Remember sometime ago you were talking about your house having spirits, maybe they were there getting ready for Conner's trip. One night Alyssa told Michelle she had angels in her room but they were friendly. How do we know..... I do know our God is a loving God and Conner is so happy tonight. I looked up at the sky today and said You Go Conner, You have Fun.....Please know our hearts and prayers are with you today and my life has been changed as I will miss so much having Conner to check on and pray for each night. Tomorrow will be sad as I will be with you in spirit and we will say a special prayer at Church for Conner and all our angels. May God Bless you and John and please know you are in our prayers now and in the days to come. Nana Joyce
CommentsI WILL PRAY FOR YOU AND JOHN AND I FEEL SO BAD FOR YOU I WILL KEEP YOU IN MY PRAYS TOO LOVE ALWAYS JENNIFER
Commentsmrs.& mr. riggs, Conner seems like a wonderful little boy .I can relate to you .my son has neurofibromatosis. Doctors said he wouldn't live to be 18 years old .he is 11 now . but so much is wrong with his life. I seen Conner's picture in the paper. He is a beautiful baby. you are a strong person& i hope you can get through this. Thank you for your time, susan gunn
CommentsBetsey; I will never forget when I first met you is when you were doing a group and my son, Mitchell, was in it and he thought you were beautiful and how right he is!! Conner could not have had a better mom. I know Conner is special but I want you to know that you are to. I am working this weekend so I will not be able to attend the funeral but please know my thoughts and prayers are with you. I got up at 5 this morning before work and traveled through your website. What a blessing. I love you, Cindy and Mitchell Bohler
CommentsDear John & Betsey, I can only imagine the pain you must be feeling. Conner was such a precious little boy and you both did so much for him to make his life happy and fulfilled. Conner couldn't do the things that other little boys could do- run, jump, laugh, and play, but no other little boy was loved more than Conner was loved by you and so many people. He touched so many lives and especially mine. He is playing in heaven now, running and chasing a little puppy dog I am sure. He is giving his grandmommy hugs and kisses and TALKING. I know they are having a wonderful reunion and are so, so happy. We will all look forward to the day when we can be reunited with Conner and feel his little arms around our neck and hear him say, "I love you". I will miss him so much. I pray that you and John will both find peace and happiness in whatever direction your lives take you. You will always have a place in my heart. You both deserve to have all the peace, love, and happiness possible. I love you both very much and my heart is aching for you. Love, Belinda
Commentsbetsey- Just a quick not to tell you you are in both my thoughts and prayers. There are not words to comfot you at this time, but do know you have a little cherub angel looking down on you now... God bless love, else
CommentsBetsy, I am so very sorry about Connor. Maybe this poem will help some. Tomorrow When tomorrow starts without me And I’m not there to see If the sun should rise and find your eyes All filled with tears for me I wish so much you wouldn’t cry The way you did today While thinking of the many things We didn’t get to say I know how much you love me As much as I love you And each time that you think of me I know you’ll miss me too But when tomorrow starts without me Please try to understand That an angel came and called my name And took me by the hand And said my place was ready In heaven far above And that I’d have to leave behind All those I dearly love But when I walked through heaven’s gates I felt so much at home When God looked down and smiled at me From His great golden throne He said “This is eternity And all I’ve promised you” Today for life on earth is past But here it starts anew I promise no tomorrow For today will always last And since each day’s the same way There’s no longing for the past So when tomorrow starts without me Don’t think we’re far apart For every time you think of me I’m right here in your heart God Bless You And John. Becky
CommentsBetsy, I just wanted you to know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I will pray each night that God is comforting Conner and that he is also watching over you, John, and your extended family. God Bless you. Love, Jamie
CommentsI know that you don't know me, but I am a friend of Alison's. We got to meet you and Conner at South Gwinnett High School a xouple of years ago. I have looked at your web page on numerous occasions and feel that I know you and Conner. I spoke with Alison this morning and I just wanted to let you know that you and your family are in my prayers. I know that you and John and the rest of your family and friends are truly going to miss that little angel of yours.
CommentsBetsey and John- Our thoughts and prayers are and have been with you and Conner. You are amazing people and Conner is blessed to have you as his parents. I know you are fine and Conner is in a much needed rest from his struggles. We love y'all and hope to see you soon!
CommentsI wanted to tell all of you who have written to us and been thinking of us that we appreciate it. It means a lot to us to have so much support. If I'm ever home alone, I know I have this site as my support. We are doing okay. Sonny came over earlier and we all watched Conner video. He was smiling and making sweet baby sounds. We watched his first Christmas in the hospital. We watched his grandmommy Connie playing with him. He was such a sweet baby. The equipment company came and got his stuff today. Greg came and he was so good to us. He would bring us stuff anytime any day. I am glad he came. I have been tired. I don't have any interest in going to the grave site now. John and Sonny and my mom want to go but it doesn't serve me any purpose right now. I feel close to Conner when I go to his room or walk through the house. We're over at Sonny's right now. I want to go back home and clean a little then get out of the house-go ride or something. Thanks for all the words, poems, thoughts, prayers-everything is so important. No one has said anything wrong-as many are afraid of. Everyone has been great and I am satisfied with the way things have been going. I couldn't have orchestrated a more peaceful, dignified ending to Conner's sweet life.
CommentsI'm very glad that everyone has written to Betsey. I'm sure it makes her feel good. Drew said something weird the last time we were at Betsey's, not to long ago. About a week or so. Well, no one had been talking about angels or anything,and Drew,(who is only 2,)said,"There's an angel on the house,Grammy! There's an angel on the house! Fly up, fly down. Oh! Angel gone." And it was the weirdest thing! It's funny when kids who are so young, know things about something, and then that thing happens.
CommentsBetsey, my heart broke when I heard about Conner. I never got to meet him personally, but through Maria, this website, and hearing your words, I have gotten to know what an incredibly sweet and beautiful little angel he was. What you have gained from having Conner in your life, however short, is priceless. He will continue to be that same sweet and beautiful angel forever as he watches over you. Your courage continues to amaze me. Lots of love, Teresa
CommentsYou don't know me, but you probably remember my son, Konner with-a-K. He was in daycare with your Conner for a short while, and they were born only a month apart. I can't tell you how my heart aches for your loss. Conner is perfect now, and our lives are eternal. I hope you continue to take comfort in knowing this. God bless you.
CommentsHey Betsey, It's Amy from Maria's wedding and the cruise. I am so sorry to hear about Conner's passing. I remember when we were at Maria's the night before the cruise and you were talking to him so sweetly on the telephone. I know that you loved him very much. Please know that I am thinking about you.
CommentsBetsey and John, I'm home now. There seems to be a void in my writting. I will have to face the class tomorrow after being with all of you these past very sad 2 days. I pray for the strength to talk to them. They were so upset Friday when they got on the bus after I told them of Conner's passing. I feel I gained so much from Conner. Every word you said in church was so true. We all learned from Conner. I went to the cemetery on my way out of town this AM. I saw the sun rise and realized I was crying for myself. Conner and Connie together. Connie had to wait almost a year. Such love and joy that little boy gave to all of us. Remember, you and John are loved.
CommentsDear Betsey and John, I want to thank you for the opportunity to have been involved in your and Conner's lives. You have blessed my life so much!! Eventhough our relationship started because of BCW, I feel like we became friends and I will always be there for you!! Love tons, Deborah
CommentsDear Betsey, You have been on my heart these last days as you go through this oh so difficult time. I was unable to go to the funeral, because Joey's G-dad died also and we had the funeral the same day as Conner's. I would like to call and hear about it, if you don't mind? Joey and I have been talking about Connie and Conner's reunion up in Heaven. How glorious for them, yet how sad for us. There was rarely a day that went by that I didn't check on Conner to see how he (and you) were doing. He has also been on my prayer list. I will keep you and John on it as you walk through this. God Bless, Shelley
CommentsBetsey, I didn't know you or Conner, but I looked over your website today and was grateful that I was able to read your story. It was very inspirational to me, and will remind of the simple pleasures in life that I'm given each day. The picture of Conner with his Ernie doll was so sweet. My son, Justin, has an Ernie doll too, and we will think of Conner everytime we play with him. Betsey, you are a very special mommy. Conner was so blessed to have you for his mommy. I know you must miss him very much, and if it's any consolation, you and your family are in my prayers. God bless you! ~Kittie
CommentsOops! There I go - a klutz to the end. I want to thank all of you who have read and written on this page and comforted Betsey. I have wept this morning reading some of the entries...Becky, your poem in particular. For those of you who were not able to be at the funeral, I want to tell you how brave my daughter was. I have to brag a little, because I'm so proud of her. She has always said that she wanted to be able to say some important things about Conner when this day came, but she didn't know if she would have the strength. Well, she did and I doubt that there was anyone who could have done a more admirable and touching job of expressing herself at a time of ultimate sorrow. I've watched this little girl grow up with a determination matched only by her heart in depth, and now I know at least one - the most important - purpose for which she was put on this earth. She will do many things in the years ahead, but none will be more meaningful than being Conner's mom. She has done this with the kind of grace that God gives to special people. She is special and I'm so very proud of her. She will have some very sad days to face without that sweet little boy. But they will be easier because she knows that she has done all that could possibly have been done for him and she has and will continue to love him with all the love a mother can give. I can't even begin to say what kind of bond Conner has created between the Carlisle's and the Riggs'. I love each and every one of them. When I see the tears in John's eyes, I want so much to give him his mama to wipe them away, because I know that Connie was the one who could do it. But John knows that Connie is now giving that care and attention to his son. So we will love John and Sonny and Daniel and Jim and all the family and extended family and friends. Life will go on, but Conner will always be a part of this life. We knew he was on "loan" to us and we took many pictures and videos and will enjoy them and tell every new person we meet about our angel. But the pain will be there too, because we'll always be wanting to touch that sweet little face and rub those sweet little toes and fingers. The solace comes in knowing that he is not suffering or uncomfortable or in need of anything. Thank you all for the kindness and love you have given Betsey, John, and Conner and all the family. Sandee
CommentsSandee - what a beautiful testimony to your daughter. I am not good at putting thoughts into words, but you wrote what my mind and heart were feeling. I am honored to call Betsey my best friend. I don't think anyone who was at the funeral will ever witness a more powerful and dignified expression of love and faith. Betsey - no one who heard your words and witnessed your strength and courage can deny the power of prayer. I believe one of the purposes of Conner's life was to renew the faith in God of all those who knew him. Thanks to you, we all got to know him better. You, John, and Conner are an inspiration to so many...
CommentsDear Betsey and John and the rest of the family, I wanted to write to express my sympathy to you during this time. It's been so long since I've written or called but you have never left my thoughts and prayers. Betsey, I'll never forget the friendship we developed so many years ago while I was an intern and I know it kind of disintegrated once I moved away. You have always been an inspiration to me and I always thought God only gives people these challenges if he knows they can handle them. And you were the best possible Mommy for Conner. I'm so sorry he's gone now, but I'm so glad he's having the life that a little boy like he deserves now. And I'm so glad you were able to develop a bond that no one else can ever comprehend. I hope things get easier for you and John. I think of you often even if I have been awful about keeping in touch. I am honored that I was able to meet Conner and spend a few days with him. God bless you and all those who loved him.
CommentsDear Betsey, Words can not even describe the strength & courage you expressed Sunday. I have said it many times & will say it again you are truly an amazing woman. You inspire me! Conner was so honored to have such wonderful & loving parents you 2 did everything you could to comfort him. I am so grateful to have known such a precious angel & I have you & John to thank. Conner taught so many of us so many valuable lessons in life. Always remember your little angel is watching out for the 2 of you! I admire you & am so thankful we have remained friends all these years. I love you!!
CommentsThanks Lisa. I felt strongly about getting my message about Conner's life conveyed. I am lucky that my closest friends are always right there when I need them. You all just come and surround me and make me feel secure. And you all look so pretty! I really wanted to go out and eat last night to get out of the house. As I sat at Applebee's I felt sort of fine until the end of the meal and I was ready to go. I don't know why but it is just hard to sit in a public place with a lot of people for too long without starting to feel that pull home. I cried on the way home for no reason other than just feeling the effects of sudden change-like all isn't right. I used to go kiss Conner and feel better when we were mourning his illness. I wish I would have dreamed of him last night but I didn't. I slept for 12 hours. I came right home and tried to clean up the house and at least wash my face and brush my teeth but I just ended up laying down and falling asleep. I slept with Conner's puppy. I'll be okay but it just takes getting used to life without him. I'm going to get a massage today. That'll help my body. I want to go to the POPS concert at Sweetheart circle tomorrow night and have a picnic. I hope I can go and not feel too weird. I wanted to take Conner this year. I'll just pretend he is right there with me. I guess he will be. I'll kiss someone else's cheek and pretend its Conner. Right?
CommentsBetsey, You might not remember me, but we met many years ago. I am a friend of Alison's from Ohio. As a mother of three, I cannot imagine the anguish that you must feel. Alison has told me of your strength throughout all of this. I have prayed for you and your son before, just as I will now. My heart weighs so heavy for you but I know your faith will carry you through. I pray you find comfort in your family, friends, prayer and memories. God bless you and your family.
CommentsBetsey and John, I am so sorry about your loss! Conner was indeed a very, very special little boy who touched the lives of many people. Thank you sharing Conner's life with all of us that don't live nearby. I know you must have been exhausted some days when you made your journal entries, but please know how much we all appreciated the time you took to do this. God bless you, Bonnie Grist Johnson
CommentsBetsey, I was sitting here reading all the entries and Madison came in and wanted to send a message to you and Conner: Dear Miss Betsey, I am so sad that Conner died. I wish I could have gone to his funeral too. I am praying for Conner, he was my favorite little boy (besides my brother:) I wish he would not have been sick but I know he is safe now. I know that he will get better in heaven. Love, maddy Betsey, I can't tell you how beautiful I thought the service was. I loved seeing Buzz coming out of the flowers and I could hear him saying "I come in peace." You looked beautiful (as usual) and you did such a great job of describing Conner and the impact he has had on your life. I can't imagine how much you must miss him and I am so, so sorry for your loss. I am excited for him though, to be able to run and jump and play and hug Miss. Connie has to be fantastic. I love the fact that he can breathe on his own now and with such freedom. I know your daddy was so excited to meet him and hold him - a little bit of his daughter - that had to be such a joyous occasion. I hope that whomever you were eating with at Applebees last night was with you on the way home and able to give you a big hug when you started to cry. I am inspired by you and just think you are such an amazing girl. Please let us know if there is anything you need. I would love for you to come out to Dallas for a fun weekend if you ever feel the need to just get far away. Lots of great restaurants, shopping and other things to give you a change of scenery. I am not sure how you are feeling about leaving or staying but I hope you know that you are loved by so many people and we will continue to pray for you, John, Mr. Sonny and your mom and all the people who loved Conner and Miss Connie so much! Love, love and more love to you! The Petty gang!
CommentsThanks. Nadine, I remember you! Bonnie, thanks for our pictures. They are important to us. Maddy! What a sweet message! Robyn I appreciate everything you do for us. You and your family have such huge hearts. Yes, Brandon was with me at Applebee's and his shoulder and sweet words are always offered and helpful. Yesterday was hard but my massage was wonderful. I just think that my day, for the most part, is good. The hard moments just visit quickly then I try to resolve them with a phone call or something. So, the good, content moments far outweigh those intermittent bad. I can deal with the pain as long as it doesn't overwhelm me. Soon, I'm going to have to hug somebody's baby, though. That is very therapeutic. I can forget hugging a 2 1/2 year old though. They are way too squirmy. Anyway, I will be productive today and I appreciate all of your concern. I love my baby and I am so happy that he is whole and well and I do look forward to seeing him again someday. When I'm old and gray and my great-great grandkids are concerned about me dying and ask if I'm scared. I will tell them that I am looking forward to seeing Conner. I will never be afraid...of anything-I don't think.
CommentsBetsey, just thinking about you this morning reading your web site. I am praying for you each day. I know your mother is so proud of you. Betsey you have always been a strong person. Due to my health problems I did not get to come down Sunday. But my thoughts were with you. May God bless you each day. We love you so much.
CommentsBetsey, I want you and the family to know again how sorry I am for your loss. You all have been so strong and such an inspiration to me. I can't even imagine going through what all you have been through, not to mention keeping the attitude that you have. I also want to thank you guys for the honor of being a pall bearer for Conner. You are an amazingly strong woman with lots of faith and it shows. My thoughts and prayers are with you. If you need ANYTHING, please call me.
CommentsIt feels funny not writing Grammy for my name, but I can't say Mom because that's you, Betsey,so I guess I have to be Sandee. It's hard to call you and not say "how's my little guy today? and give him kisses and hugs for grammy". So now I have to say those things in prayers and in my conversations with Bill and Connie and my mom and dad and Robert and Tommy and Ansley and ...well the list goes on. I went to Mammaw and Pop Pop's today. It will do them good to see you, whenever you feel like you can make it up this way. I tried to call Suzy and Abby but got no answers at the uncles house or the stepmothers. I left messages. I will ask one more time, nicely to see my granddaughter, then I will have to use the court system to force the issue. I won't give up that little girl, no matter what it takes. She is a Carlisle and she will be a part of our family. Doris, I'd like to say that you should be proud of Lisa, also. All of Betsey's friends have been so loyal and supportive with her and with each other. Everyone has commented on what real friends they have proven to be...through good times and bad times, they have been there for everything, every step of the way. Betsey draws her strength from those around her and they have given her a great deal of support. I hope they never need the kind of help she has needed, but whatever may come up, know that she'll be there for them.
CommentsBetsey and John... just wanted you to know that I have been thinking about you and Conner and all of our SILLY memories. He definetly helped me learn so much about myself and how to interact with children. I have always enjoyed being around and caring for children but Conner taught me how to cherish those sweet moments when Mommie's and Daddy's need their space. I always looked forward to seeing his crazy hair and beautiful eyes. He was absolutely an angel and you'll never know how deeply I appreciate ya'll letting me spend precious moments with Conner and your families. My life has been forever changed because of the great heartprints Conner and I shared. Know that I am here and willing to help in whatever way that I can. I LOVE YOU - Sparkles
CommentsOh Sparkles, you are a SWEETIE! We all love you, too. Conner was so lucky to have his own personal clown, and his friend Meredith is pretty nice, also.
CommentsHi Betsy! I just wanted to let you know that you are still in my thoughts and prayers and that I hope your days get easier for you! You have such wonderful memories of your time with Conner. I am sure you are feeling a sense of emptiness. You are such a strong, inspiring lady and I will always admire your strength! Thinking of you! Amanda
CommentsHey Betsey - Just wanted to let you know that I have been thinking about you and John and the whole family. I'm sure you have good days and bad days and that will probably continue for a very long time. But like I have told you several times know that you are all thought of and prayed for every day. You all have touched the lives of so many people and Conner touched so many hearts while he was here on earth but you have also touched so many hearts in more ways than you will ever know. You are a inspiration and a blessing from God. Love, Michelle
CommentsThanks. I did get baby therapy yesterday. I got to babysit Alaina. She is Hope and Jerry Godbee's baby and she's one. Hope was Conner's nurse. Alaina kept pointing to Conner's picture. We got to play with Conner's toys. I was glad to have an excuse to go into his room for reasons other than to miss him. Yesterday was up and down and seemed to last forever. Today has been much easier. John and I had lunch and talked about life and Conner. Well, I better get back out of the house or I'll get depressed.
CommentsBetsy, you and John have been on my mind constantly since I heard of Conner's passing. Betsy you are a strong woman. My thoughts and prayers are and have always been with you and your families.
CommentsIm sorry that I was not there for all of you, but I hope in time you will understand why, We love all of you and we are here for you when you need us, Conner sure is a cute little(big) boy, and we will all miss him alot. We love you, Matt, Katrina, Lauren, and Dustin Phillips
CommentsKatrina and Matt, don't think about that. We are fine and we know that you care. Our babies are exactly the same age. I will be interested in Dustin's development and life because of that. I know that it was probably hard for you to see the path that Conner took for the same reason. You will always be special to me Katrina because of the attention you gave me when I had Conner. We didn't know then but it was my first baby and I was so insecure about the whole process and you helped me. We know you care because that's how you are. The past couple days have been up and down. I stayed away all day Sat. and stayed home all day Sun. and it doesn't matter where I am, the thoughts are the same. I just miss him and hope he is okay. I want him to know that mommy misses him. But I don't want to dwell. I think I'm ready to try to work. Actually, I need to work. Bills don't get paid on their own, right? So, I need to go! It's hard though because my mind is so used to a different lifestyle. It will take some time but I shall adjust and cry some but I'll adjust eventually. Thanks for caring!
Commentswe didn't know how sick Conner was-we knew it was our first baby.....
CommentsBetsey, I just wanted to say hi, and that I hope you are ok, I think about you all the time and I just hope you are ok.....Maria told me you will see her soon, I hope that we can meet then, if not, maybe next time you visit. I would love to hang out with you sometime when you visit. Maybe one day we can plan a trip for all of us sma moms....Love to you and Conner and John.
CommentsDear Betsey & John, Julie called me to let me know of Conner's passing. I am sorry I was unable to make it to the service. {Betsey you visited me in Buckhead for Julie's Bridal Shower a few years ago},and I just wanted you to know how blessed you both are to have had such a beautiful baby boy. He was an angel sent from God to bring joy to your lives even if it was for a short time, but was a precious time that was. I hope it comforts you both to know that Conner is safe in the arms of God, and one day you will be with him again. Until that time comes know he is always with you, your own special angel wanting you to be happy in the days ahead. May you find peace and comfort with your friends and family. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Love, Mary Anne
CommentsBetsey, Just checking in to let you know I'm still thinking about you. I tried to call last night. When I visit this website, it is such a strange and sick feeling I get because I was so used to reading about Conner's life. He taught us all so much. Thanks for continuing to write on here to let us know how you are, so many people are concerned about you. We miss Conner so fiercely and are so sad for ourselves, yet we know now he is healthy and happy. There is no doubt in my mind there were angels all around your house when Conner was physically with you in the hosue. And there is also no doubt that there are still angels to look after you...and now the cutest angel of all is there to join them...Conner. Love, Gina
CommentsBetsey: i was so sad to hear about Conner. I hope you and John are both doing well. I will keep you both in my prayers. In Christ, Anita
CommentsThanks for caring and I got your call when I got in Gina. Thanks,thanks. I feel like my house is haunted but with good angels. Its scary sometimes but I just have to remember I've got good spirits. Conner has a bear that you have to squeeze for it to talk and when everyone left the other day it started talking. I know that sounds bizarre and it is but it happened and scared the CRAP!! out of me. It happened 3 times and hasn't happened since. Another strange thing happened with the water in the hot tub-but there has to be a logical explanation-but it was very strange. Half the water was out of the hot tub when I got home the other night and the everything was wet-splashed-on the kitchen window and the table but except a part of the patio near the backdoor. I just don't know how all that could be soaked except for that spot and how all of that water could have gotten out. If a big dog would have jumped in and splashed the window and table and 3/4 of the patio, it seems like more water would have been left in the tub and some clue like a hair or something would have been somewhere. Anyway, I'm just saying that weird things have been happening and its scary whether its a hot tub H20 thief or whatever. One night a tv came on and another night one went off...and then Drew's angel thing....I sound like a nut. But anyway, I kinda act like its a joke but all that stuff really did happen. Okay, anyway, I had Wal-Mart therapy today and because I spent so much money I better cancel my real therapy appt. because I can't afford it now. I did my yoga tape when I first got up because I was sore from working out last night. It helped. Yesterday my head hurt all day and I am glad it is better today. I got a little work stuff done. Slowly but surely. I will get back to my pace soon, I hope. I forced my body in the shower after my yoga tape and it wasn't too hard from there. I've had a couple of decent days in a row. I miss my baby though. I bought some new sheets to put on his bed. It will give me something to do in his room and since they're new they won't remind me of him when I look in. I have enough reminders and that's good but...I don't know. If it bothers me that I did that, I'll just take the sheets back off and put the old ones back on. Okay, talk later.
CommentsI'm feeling a little nuts today, but I have an appointment to get my grey roots covered so maybe that will help. It was hard enough losing Conner's little body in our lives, but to have to lose Abby's body and voice and presence, I just cling to Drew and Lauren. But anyone who thinks that people replace other people is wrong. They all have their own place and when one goes, there is a great big empty spot there that can't be filled. So today is a kind of grey morning. I'm down, but I'll rise again and I'll come out fighting. I miss you Boo. I hope we can get together soon. I know you need your space to do what feels right to you, but I'm just a phone call away.
CommentsBetsey: how are you holding up? I know the lord will give the strength and knowledge to get through this. I bet Conner is so happy and has an everlasting smile across his face. I wish you so much strength and everything. Because from reading the journals and learning about sma has really changed me. I have a 3 year old little boy named Brandon and after reading about Conner and how you take care of him and so on I wonder what I would do it that were to happen to my baby. You and John have far more strength than I will ever have I believe. I will keep in touch with you. I didn't even know that Conner had passed until I talked to Ms. Gina at the Sheriff's Dept. the other day and she was telling me about it. I started crying while I was on the phone with her. I immediately pulled up Conner's website and just cried as I read through it. Talk to you later. Anita
CommentsI only have a second. I've been keeping busy. I'm sorry I keep missing my evening calls and then not calling back. I'm usually doing stuff in the evening then I get home, eat and go to sleep. I will try to return some phone calls today-but everyone's at work. I appreciate people checking on me though. (Gina, got your package. Very, very sweet.) I haven't changed Conner's sheets yet. I've only gotten as far as clearing off his bed. I watched videos of him yesterday and that made me smile...hearing that sweet squeal or hearing him say, "ma-ma" then later "na-na." I love the sounds of his voice. That's what I miss and when I get to hear it, it is rejuvenating. Anita, when I think back about the energy it took to care for Conner before nursing help, I wonder how I did it, too. I get tired just thinking about it. But you do it. You would.
CommentsHey Betsey, Just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you today. I pray that everyday will become easier for you and John and that your memories will become brighter with every thought of Conner. He has always been your sweet Angel and he always will. We are looking forward to your visit in July- unless you feel the need for a get-a-way sooner. You know that you are always welcome. Love and miss you, Reea
CommentsDear John and Betsey, You do not know me but i came upon your page due to a friend of mine. I am a friend of Debbie Rob and Payton Freeman, they let me know of the loss of your son and i just wanted to stop in and pay my respects. Even though i have never met either of you or your beautiful son, through knowing Deb,Rob and Payton i feel you guys are owed a debt of appreciation. You truly are the definition of Parents. And your son, well all i can say is..one day i dream of having a son, and if he is only half as corageous as Conner i will be a happy daddy. Once again i am sorry for your loss and hope the future opens brighter doors. And one day we WILL get a cure for this. Take Care. Cpl.Michael Murphy. USMC
CommentsThank you Michael. That means so much to me and I'm sure it does to John, too. I have received a lot of encouragement from so many people throughout this experience with Conner that it makes it hard to fail. I talked to my sweet, sweet Abby baby a little while ago. Oh, how I miss her. She said she had cried for Conner. I told her I am sending her pictures of her and Conner and she could look at them when she felt sad. She said she has a picture of me and Conner. That made me feel better. I wish I could visit with her. My nieces and nephew are very important to me. I feel like they are my other kids. I love them all as much as I love Conner. Time or distance doesn't change that. Lauren is getting so old and big, she and I wear the same clothes. Her feet have outgrown mine. I'm going to visit my older brother, Billy and his kids, Lauren and Drew, this weekend. We'll start at mom's, then go to Billy's, then hopefully see my grandparents. They weren't able to make it to Conner's funeral. I was afraid Conner would die before them. That means they have outlived all three of their children and their great-great grandson. I suppose that is good but the seeing the pain of it in them is awful. I hated having to tell them that Conner had died because I knew they knew three times over how it felt. I just want them to know that I will survive with only more great accomplishments. But none greater than Conner!
CommentsBetsy, I just want to say AMEN to that. Keep up the positive thoughts. I check on you everyday to see how you are doing. Just always remember Conner will always be with you forever and ever. Becky
CommentsHi Betsey, I hope you are doing good today. I just wanted to say hi and I hope you have a good weekend. Do you have anything planned? Take care of yourself and be safe. Paul
CommentsDear Betsey and John, Everyday the kids still ask about the two of you. They will never forget this year. Wednesday, we had general "clean out your desk" time. The kids brought me pictures they had been drawing for Conner but had been pushed in the back of their desk when I told them of the news. They brought them to me and we spent an entire period talking about Conner and the two of you. I just want you to know that through you and your darling child, my class learned more about life than any of the objectives the state has for us to teach. I must say that it was an honor to have been with Conner, kissed his toes, played with his fingers, watched him smiled, and been able to have shared his story with many. Your family has truly been a blessing to a host of many. Remember you are loved. Miss Lucie
CommentsOh, I can't wait to meet the kids. I'll try to bring things to show them so they will know Conner even better. I'll tell them good stories about him and tell them how much they have meant to our family. What special people! I hope they are ready to give hugs because that is something that always makes me feel better. I just broke my coffee pot! I must do something immediately! I am a coffee addict. I went to mom's and brother's this weekend and I enjoyed myself, I guess. I loved kissing all over my niece and nephew's faces. I loved giving them big cathartic hugs and hearing their contagious, sweet giggles.
CommentsHello Betsey, It's been a long time. Just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you. It would be nice to see you if you could make it to my baby shower in June. Maria and Alison will be here. I don't want it to be hard for you. So, if you were to come and visit your mom or your brother (Billy) at the time, you could come. I have your address so I will send an invitation. Your brother saved my life. He's a good attorney. An awesome attorney! Conner is handsome. I am sure he's your angel. With Love....An old friend.
CommentsKim, I got your card. Thanks so much for keeping in touch. Billy had told me he talked to you. I would love to come to the shower. Can you imagine the stories we could tell, you, Maria, Alison and me? Sounds like fun! Well, things are going okay, I guess. I was pretty sad last night. I am trying to do things to keep busy. It wasn't a bad sad though. I cried and needed to. It had been building-every second I feel Conner gone and a lot of seconds had passed. I think I am doing okay though. Who knows? I know people say you aren't supposed to make changes for a while but I have all these urges to make changes just because I can now. I want to trade in the van for a cute sports car-just because I can. I want to sell the house and create an atmosphere that is comfortable to me and work on it and decorate it-just because I can. I could've done a lot of stuff while Conner was still here and I was working on those things and changing my attitude about that but there should be no excuse for me not to do anything that I want. I am healthy and able to work hard and there should be nothing I can't do or have (except Conner). I have a piece of my baby though and I do have him all around me, so....Anyway, I'm starting to sound insane. I should get back to work now.
CommentsJust taking a work break. Things are fine. I'm getting more and more motivated to do things. I want to live and enjoy life and laugh. I do. I've gotten calls from old friends (and postings on here!) and that's nice. Its sort of like, "this is your life." As I get calls and notes from the old friends and support and cards from the new it reminds me that life hasn't been as bad to me as I remember. I've always had people that care. Like I always say, its hard to fail when I have so many people encouraging me. It really is. You have to know that. I feel obligated-not pressured-but a pleasant obligation to do my best and show you that it is possible. It is possible to go through crap and still keep going. I've done it before, I can do it again and with love and support. I say all this as a thanks to anyone who cares. Your caring is not taken by me ineffectually. I certainly don't always do the right thing. I make lots of mistakes and think things I'm not proud of!!!but I think I'm a survivor and a more compassionate and experienced one because of my stupid mistakes. I was telling someone earlier though that Conner and all that I did surrounding him was perfect. I have not one regret or thought regarding Conner. He and my experiences with him are frozen in time and as sparkling gold in my memory. Just perfect. Even his passing was just so peaceful and dramatic-free. Just what we had asked so many to pray for. Anyway, this is my Conner break for the day. I may actually go out to his grave today. I haven't wanted to but I have this feeling that I need to go make sure it looks neat and tidy or something. I still haven't changed the sheets! I just bought them-but I do go in Conner's room. I use things out of there. It only bothers me a little to go in and get something out. Well, it bothers me a lot, I guess. Okay, back to work!!!!!!gotta go. I feel like I'm talking to myself. I guess that's the way journals feel.
CommentsBetsey, I think survivor is definately a word I would use to describe you! Here is something the Bible says about sufferings: "...suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character hope." Romans 5:3,4 Here is another scripture that I "stumbled" across: "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 It looks like I will be coming to town the middle of June. Maybe we could get together? I would love to see the video of the funeral and go to Conner's grave, if you are up to it. Maybe we could go have that tea in Savannah that we never got to do! I'll email or give you a call next month. Blessings, Shelley
CommentsHi Betsey: You are truly a VERY strong willed young woman and you have so much love and support from everyone. How is John doing? You keep up your good spirits. Remember God and Conner are looking down on you every hour of the day and night. I will be praying for you daily.
CommentsHiBoo, I enjoyed my little mini vacation to the mountains. What a peaceful place. If only life could be so simple. I miss my little angel and I miss our daily conversations "AAAAAhhhhhhh,na na" and all that stuff. But I know he's still very much with us. I feel him in my heart and I am are so thankful that he is not suffering or lonely or frustrated and I know that someone is seeing to it that he gets all the videos he wants. Love you sweetie
CommentsHey Betsey!!! Every night when I get on my computer I still feel the need to check the website.... and I still do daily. I love looking through the pictures and seeing Conner's little angel eyes and crazy hair!! Next weekend I'm working a retreat for college aged girls and I was asked to give a talk about spiritual growth. I hope you don't mind... but I talk about Conner and how he helped me grow. So Conner's precious life will still be touching many lives even though he isn't physically here to share. Conner is truely so special to my heart and I am so thankful I am able to know a true angelic family. Call me if you get a chance.... I'd love to come clown for your ladies at the church!!!???! love love - me mere
CommentsYes Meredith. Absolutely. I'll come up with a theme for the day or something. Were you going to go to the mountains, to Miss Lucie's with me, too? Call me or I suppose it is my turn to call you, huh? Sorry, I'm not good at returning calls. I've been busy-which is good! Work is going good. gotta go!
CommentsHi Betsey...I wanted to wish you a Happy Mother's Day! It was nice to hear back from you. :) Yes, we could tell lots of stories. I am leaving for the beach today with my sister's family and my husband. From what I have hear and read, you are an awesome lady! Have a good weekend! I cannot wait to actually see all of you. I don't think I have seen you in 15 years or more.
CommentsHey Betsey, It was so good talking to you today! I guess I just want to say that you continue to amaze me. I have always told you that you do all the right things to take care of yourself so that you can make it.And after talking to you today I continue to marvel at your abiliy to focus on the good in your life. So many people can't see the blessings in their lives because they choose to focus on the negative, but not you! You are one of those people that definately sees the cup half full instead of half empty. I admire you! Love bunches, Deborah
CommentsThanks for your help, Deborah. You are a rare, dedicated professional and a good listener! What would I have done without you?! I hope all moms have a happy mother's day. I still feel like a mom so I will, too. I'm going up to Atlanta again today but I'm stopping on the way to put some potted, fake flowers on either side of the temporary name thing at the head of Conner's grave. John's going to follow me out there and help me get the old, dead, real flowers cleaned up. We will have it very neat. Conner doesn't care, though. However, I feel like it is dignifying to have his "spot" neat.
CommentsHi Bestsey, I will be praying for you tomorrow. Happy Mother's Day! What do you mean you still FEEL like Mother? You ARE a mother and WILL BE a mother FOREVER! And a great mother at that! I posted this poem on the message board of FSMA but thought it was beautiful and I wanted to post it here too. Keep an eye out tomorrow for signs Conner will send you to wish you a Happy Mother's Day! Dandelions From Heaven Mothers Day is coming...and I wanted to send you a sign... Something you can tell others..."Is from an angel of mine". So I searched the Heavens high and low for that perfect thing.. And low and behold I found it....and a smile I hope it will bring. So when you look to the Heavens...and see the yellow stars in the sky... Just think of me...your angel... in the Heavens way up high... And just imagine those stars...are dandelions up above... Yes! Dandelions are also in Heaven...,which you know how much I love. So on this Mothers Day... when you awake and feel blue... You will notice those yellow stars...are no longer in view... So just look to the meadows and the dandelions you see.... Are the ones I've tossed down this Mothers Day from me! And when you find a dandelion that has turned from yellow to white... You're supposed to make a wish...and then blow with all your might. For you will be blowing kisses... to me in Heaven above.... And I will be catching them and blowing them back...sent with all my love. Please know that I am with you...on this Mothers Day... And also in the days ahead...God and I will never stray... We will be with you in the morning...when you wake and see the sun.. We will be with you when you say your prayers...when the day is done. For God and I will never be...very far from your side... For I can now be everywhere...and God will be your guide... So...remember when you see dandelions...its your guarantee... That I am alway close to you.... For dandelions are free to roam.....now just like me. I will always be with you Mom.... Happy Mothers Day Love, Your Angel in Heaven.
CommentsSorry, so many tears in my eyes this morning, I'm just hitting the wrong keys. But I want to tell my little girl what a wonderful mommy she is now and always. I remember the last mother's day that my own mom was alive. She sent me the sweetest mother's day card and I couldn't understand why she would send me a card on mother's day when she was my mom. Betsey, you were only 4 months old then and it was the very next month that I lost my mother. But I can honestly say that she was the best mom I could have ever hoped for. Her dedication, her life was her children and her family. The most important job I have ever had has been to be a mother, and now a grammy. And to have had children who value their own children above all else, that's success. Thank you for being a "mom" to be proud of. And to my sons, you boys are the best dads that your children could have, also. So I must have done something right. Just keep on loving.
CommentsBetsey, I woke up this morning, and thought about you and Conner. The two of you have touched so many lives...even those whom you've never met. I am a Statesboro native, and your story in the online Herald was so touching. I decided to visit the SMA site and came across your family journal. Your love for Conner spills over into your journal entries. I know he is very special to your family. This Mother's Day Conner is still with you, where he's always been...in your heart. May God bless you and your family today and everyday. Happy Mother's Day!
CommentsBetsey I just wanted to wish you a Happy Mother's day. I remember my first mothers day without Nathan. It wasn't bad but I did miss my little sweet boy but I knew he was in heaven smiling down on me wanting me to have a good Mother's day. You are a wonderful mommy and will always be a wonderful mommy to an angel. I have been thinking alot about you and keep up with you still in the journal. You are always in my prayers and I send you hugs (((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) over the internet. God Bless!
CommentsI enjoyed spending Mother's Day with Drew and Lauren. Lauren pulled me out of bed into her den and scratched my back. I was so tired though and she kept talking to me and making me answer her questions. She and Drew were so loud and it echoed in the high ceiling den. Eventually, I was scratching Drew and Lauren's backs at the same time. How did that happen? Then we decided to get dressed and go to Burger King. They played in the tubes at the indoor playground there and we ate junk. Then we were summoned home by the mean old parents. I couldn't have had a better Mother's Day unless I had had a healthy Conner and a sweet Abby with us. But, Drew and Lauren aren't chopped liver. They made me laugh and think of Conner in happy ways. I knew he was with us laughing at that funny Drew. He is so "anal" about stuff and he's only 2 1/2! He certainly doesn't get it from my brother Billy. Drew has to have hands clean, clothes right and sandals on. I was making him lunch earlier that day and cutting up his hotdog into little tiny pieces. He said, "Could I have a fork, please?" Here ya go. Then he said, "Yer not my mom-mee!" But, Drew, I'm your aunt and sometimes aunts do things to take care of you like mommies do. And that's because I love you! He asked, "You WUV ME?!!" Yes Drew I wuv you very much! "YOU WUV ME??!!!" I love you!!! What a cutie! And earlier he was walking up the stairs and said, "Conner sees angels." Okay. I call him the "Conner medium." I kept asking Drew that day what Conner was doing. He had no clue what I was talking about. "Conner do-ing?" Anyway, I am declaring my break over. Back to work. I hope everyone else had a good Mother's Day. (I got pretty flowers, too, when I got home!)
CommentsHi Betsey, Just wanted to let you know there is a new site Laura made for Andrew. It's at www.oursmaangels.com/andrew Hope you are doing well today and I am glad to hear your Mother's Day was nice. Love Gina
CommentsI checked the page and it is beautiful! We are going to meet Lucie's kids tomorrow!! We are so excited to see Conner's angels. What sweet kids. John, Lauren and I are going. Gotta go. Thanks Gina for all you do! I did hear from Conner. Its REAL strange. I'll write it later when I get a chance.
CommentsHere's the strange story real quick. My friend who I haven't talked to until just after Conner died was riding in the car with her son the other day. He is Conner and Drew's age and doesn't know Conner or hadn't heard Karen talk about Conner. Anyway, he said, "Conner isn't a good listener. Conner's mommy wuvs him. Conner's mommy 'panks him. Conner's mommy wuvs him." She asked him who Conner is and he said, "I don't know...I'm freaking out!" That made me laugh. I told her that I used to joke with Conner because he could never DO anything wrong but all kids need spankings some time. So, with Conner I would have to make up something so I could give him spankings. The only thing he could really control was whether or not he'd choose to listen to you or address you with his eyes. He would always ignore you if he was watching tv, especially. Anyway, I used to tease him and give him play spankings for not listening to me. And I talk to him now and say what I always said a million times, "Mommy loves you so much, baby." Or as Drew and Karen's son say, "I wuv him!"
CommentsIsn't it wonderful how children communicate with each other - in life and in spirit. They are just too innocent to have learned not to trust their inner voices and what is in their hearts. When they began to understand adults, they lose that trust in what is real to them as babies and toddlers. Maybe we need to listen better to the little children. They can be so wise before they begin to "check" their thoughts and beliefs because it's something that we can't touch or see. They see with their hearts.
CommentsHey Betsey, I have been thinking about you so much lately. It sounds like you are doing really well considering all that you have been through. I would love to hear all about Miss Lucie's kids, what a great group she has. I hope John is doing okay too. No plans to come home anytime soon but I would love to go out to lunch or whatever when we do come home. You are so special Betsey and I can't imagine going through all that you have. You really are such an encouragement to so many and I am proud to say I know you. Keep taking care of yourself and know we love you and miss you. Robyn
CommentsWe enjoyed visiting the kids so much. I was speechless when it came to thanking them for all they have done for us. I really just wanted to hug them all. They named a star after Conner. They performed songs for us. I know Conner was there watching them. We brought video of Conner and some of his favorite things. I wish I could've spent more time with them. I wish I could have expressed to them how special they are. I'll write more later. It was wonderful and so sweet.
CommentsDearest Betsy, I wanted to send you a mother's day card but wasn't sure how you would feel about it. THen I read your entry about "still feeling like a mother" and wished that I had sent it instead of that I did send. You will always be a mother silly girl!! I don't feel any less Mark's mother even though he is in heaven instead of with us. Anyway... Just wanted to let you know again how very proud I was of you at the service. I was standing right outside the door holding Jordan for Lisa, but heard every word. I was so overwhelmed at your strength and composure and I am sure Conner was very, very proud of his Mommy too!!! When you come to Atlanta again please let Lisa know. I would like to take you both to lunch and hear some "funny Conner stories" and see some pictures of him- I am sure you have "just a few" you could share!! Have a good week, Love, Kathy
CommentsDearest Betsy, I wanted to send you a mother's day card but wasn't sure how you would feel about it. THen I read your entry about "still feeling like a mother" and wished that I had sent it instead of that I did send. You will always be a mother silly girl!! I don't feel any less Mark's mother even though he is in heaven instead of with us. Anyway... Just wanted to let you know again how very proud I was of you at the service. I was standing right outside the door holding Jordan for Lisa, but heard every word. I was so overwhelmed at your strength and composure and I am sure Conner was very, very proud of his Mommy too!!! When you come to Atlanta again please let Lisa know. I would like to take you both to lunch and hear some "funny Conner stories" and see some pictures of him- I am sure you have "just a few" you could share!! Have a good week, Love, Kathy
CommentsHi my sweet little girl. How is the "grandpuppy" doing? I'm sure you have been having some down days lately, but I'm sure also that your indomitable spirit will rise as always to whatever challenge life throws your way. Let's hope that there'll be some good stuff to enjoy along the way. Have you started painting yet? The best time to paint is early in the morning. Can you change your schedule to arrange that? Well, it's early now and I don't have to work today, so I'm going to pour a second cup of coffee and go to my studio. Love you, little one.Let's hope Abby will be with us soon. I miss her and Conner so much. I know I can't have Conner, but I'll never give up on Abby being with her family and loved ones.
CommentsConner now has a stepbrother. Brandon and I got a foxhound puppy. We named him Copper after the foxhound in the Fox and the Hound. We were going to get the girl puppy but the man said she was a whiner. "NOOOO!!!! I'll take the laid back one." He has done well. I get up with him and let him out late and then in the middle of the night and it eliminates the long heart-wrenching puppy screams. He's a pretty good puppy and requires lots of love. I think I can handle that. He reminds me of Conner when he tries to talk to me with his sounds. He's looking in Conner's mirror right now growling and pointing (bird dog stance) at himself. Thanks Kathy for thinking of me. I did have a nice mother's day. This puppy definately exercises my maternal skills. My family is making fun of me because they think I have very bad luck with dogs but I think I'm over qualified to handle a pup now! He's pretty smart though and does his stuff outside and listens when I say, no, or call his name. Okay, gotta go.
CommentsSo you have a new puppy how sweet. From the looks of the journal you seem to be doing pretty darn good. I haven't heard or seen very much about John on the journal lately. How is he holding up? Good I hope. Anyway keep well and keep in touch with us here on the journal.
CommentsSo you have a new puppy, how sweet. By the looks of the journal you are doing great. How is John holding up? I haven't heard much about him. Anyway keep well and keep in touch with us here on the journal.
CommentsSo you have a new puppy, how sweet. By the looks of the journal you are doing great. How is John holding up? I haven't heard much about him. Anyway keep well and keep in touch with us here on the journal.
CommentsJohn is doing okay. He came by and met the puppy yesterday. He looks good and is thinking about going back to school, I think. He's like me in that its a good alternative unless some better job opportunity arises. John has been very supportive helping me to take care of myself again. It was hard going from being the wife, mommy, caretaker, food maker to now having to pay all the bills and keep up with a check book. Now with my work, I'm organized but my personal stuff gets jumbled. John gave me a good lecture about keeping up with that checkbook and not bouncing checks because even though he works at the bank he can't bail me out! Now isn't that just like an ex-husband to give a lecture. He knows my weak points. But I like to make my weak points my strengths! Anyway, John, Lauren and I went to visit Miss Lucie's kids. They named a star after Conner. John will keep the star and the framed explanation and we will trade off really neat Conner stuff every two years or so. John was very touched by the kids and their love for Conner (and Abby). He is a very special person and such a good daddy. He makes a pretty nice and supportive ex-husband, too. I am lucky to have a sweet and caring boyfriend like Brandon and an amicable relationship with John. I have a lot of respect for John and his kind spirit. He has a lot of his mommy in him!
CommentsI'll second that! As the ex-mother-in-law, I can honestly say that I will always love John (and Jim and Daniel and Sonny). They'll always be "family". I want all good things for that sweet, handsome, daddy of my daughter's first child. I promised Connie I'd always look after John and that was an easy promise to make. If he'll let me, I'll always be there (here) for him. As a family the Riggs and the Carlisle's will share precious memories for all the years of our lives through a little boy we all love, our sweet Conner. And, yes, there is room in my heart for Brandon, who is such a fine and loving man and is making my little girl happy at a real tough time in her life. And, if I have to, I'll even accept "Copper", though I'm not thrilled at the prospect of a whiny little pooping machine. I guess he could win my heart, so I'll stay open minded.
CommentsI'm at my mom's tonight. We had to do some family business stuff. Whatever you call it. Anyway, I really miss my baby. I think about him every second. I've had to learn how to think about him every second and do everything else that needs to be done. That is probably the most difficult thing-not to get too distracted by his absence. I told Connie when she was sick that I would pretend like she and Conner were in France. Back in the old days, if a family member left your continent, country, state or county, you could be saying good-bye forever-like death. So, I thought it would be easier for me to pretend like they aren't dead-they're just in France. I'd rather be in Scotland, actually.
CommentsHi Betsey. I wish I had time to read the journal from the past few weeks. I only have internet access at work so my time is limited. I was thinking of you on Mother's day, because you'll always be Conner's mommy. I've thought of you so often, wishing I could call, but I feel bad not calling in soooo long. I hope you're doing and coping well. Tomorrow's Friday, so I hope to catch up on this website. Take care of yourself, and know that you care thought of often. Rhonda
CommentsWell, the grandpuppy is pretty cute. He, of course, had to "mark" my carpet, but not too bad. The cats stayed away from him, but I don't think they were intimidated. We had a nice meeting in Cornelia with an old family friend who has come back into our lives after many, many years. Fate has a funny way of bringing people back together after many years. I see the hand of divine intervention at work here. Thanks, Bill. You put this person in our path at just the right time. I'm sure of it. Betsey, you are my sweetie for coming all this way to help your brother. It was nice to have my three kids together for just a couple of hours. If only the grandchildren could all have been there too. Drew "represented" well (and Copper).
CommentsHi Rhonda. Don't worry, just keep in touch! I miss your silly humor, though. Mom, I thought it was fate because Mr. Campbell is a dedicated dog person and I bravely took the puppy to his office not knowing that. Copper got lucky. Anyway, my "business" is expanding and I have enough work now (in July) to hire an assistant. I am the proud employee/owner/president/business-runner whatever-of Carlisle Consulting, L.L.C. As long as I stay organized and focused and just hire good people, I think I can expand without getting too overwhelmed. And keep track of taxes!!!! I'm doing pretty good, I think. Tomorrow we're taking the Alzheimer's ladies to R.J.'s. I can't wait! Real, real early though I'm volunteering at a rest stop for the Jim Kruse bike ride. The Silver Lining Club is getting some of the funds, so we're helping out. It seems like an easy and pleasant thing to do anyway. Oh well, time to play with the puppy, although he's had me up and down, back and forth from the computer and work all day.
CommentsGlad you got rid of that nasty old headache. Now that I have a puppy in the family, I have something to discuss with the ladies at work who are all "dog people". But I'd rather talk about my children and grandchildren, of course. I was "commissioned" today to paint a lighthouse for a girl who works with me, for her mother's anniversary. You know how I like to paint lighthouses, so that'll be fun. If I had an "education", I could Carlisle Art Gallery LPC. Love you, Mom
CommentsBetsey, I've been out of town all week and haven't checked in on the website until now....I'm glad to read about your new buddy. You know it's funny - not long after Andrew passed I got a cat. She's been great for John & I. We just spent a week in Las Vegas. It was GREAT. I feel so relieved. It was the first real vacation we've had in a long, long time. I recommend you take one when you can, although it sounds as if you are so busy. Congrats on the success of your business! Well I just wanted to check in with you and tell you hello and let you know that you and your little angel in heaven have been on my mind. I am going to plan a trip to Atlanta soon to meet you. : ) And to see my sisters of course. Do you have time to read Betsey? If you do, I have some books to recommend. Let me know. gina
CommentsHi Betsey, I surely did enjoy your visit. I'm so sorry it was so short. I really appreciate you and John speaking to the class about Conner's routine, the equipment he used and showing them how it was used to keep him going. They had a wonderful time planning the program. They designed the little programs you recieved. Just to let the others know what happened---The kids planned an entire presentation. We had a welcome..Christina sang a beautiful song...Then the students.. sometimes there were two or three. They said nursery rhymes from Mary had a Little Lamb..to three boys sang Do you know the Muffin Man? Two others sang Twinkle Twinkle. Every child took part. Then Christina sang "One Voice' at the end..and of course I fell apart. Lastly, John and Betsey were presented with a framed certificate naming a star in the galaxy after John Conner Riggs along with the location of his star and the date he became probably the brightest star in the heavens. Just for me to say, I was very proud of the students...Now, Betsey, thank you and John for answering their questions. Each of you were very kind to them. Also, I really didn't know what to say when Drew ask if Mr. John could sign his yearbook. I noticed you signed several also.. Thanks, it really meant a lot to them and to me. Anyway, I'm so glad you got to come and visit my little hide-a-way in the woods and actually see the kids. I loved it when the little boy told you that you were very pretty. Aren't kids amazing. Anyway, take care of yourself. Let me hear from you. Remember you are loved. Miss Lucie
CommentsLucie, thank you for the details of the visit. So many people at work have been asking me how it went. Betsey said that they videoed it and I will be able to watch it, but haven't yet. Betsey was so touched by those children. I was glad that Lauren was able to go and really wish Abby could have been there. I also wish I could have gone, but we'll have a visit at another time. I would love to see your little hideaway and I'd like to have you down here in Monroe, any time at all (when I'm not working and can visit). What are your plans for the summer? Beach? kick back? With Jeff back up there, I'm back and forth all the time. We'll talk.
CommentsThanks Lucie! John and I sent a note to the kids thanking them. We tried to be prompt so they'd get it before school was out. Oh, if it didn't make it-I'll hate that. They were all precious! This weekend was okay. I went out and played pool Sat. night. I didn't do anything Fri. so I could do the bike stuff on Sat. morning. Sat. was a beautiful day. Sun. was lazy. Brandon took the dog to the river and I stayed at home and cleaned, worked, and rested. Today was kind of hard though. Too many non-structured days are hard for me right now. I can't have any idle time or I mope. So, car rides or waiting on anything are hard to do. I was just feeling how unfair and unnatural it is to have to live my life without my baby after I gave birth to him and took care of him. I guess one day when I hopefully have another child I will be more distracted by his or her needs to focus on how bad losing Conner feels to me. Alright, thanks Lucie and kids for caring so, so much about Conner. He knew he was loved. Gina, I am looking forward to going to the conference and I'm going to visit my friend, Maria, in Ft. Lauderdale in July. I think I will enjoy getting away but only if I am caught up with work! But now Vegas! How fun. Like the land of make believe. Okay, I'm tired, going to sleep.
CommentsHi Betsey! Thanks so much for replying to me. You're so thoughtful in all of your entries. Your own business?? Wow! That's great and I hope you have good luck with it. I know you're smart enough to do about anything though. Now I see you may be coming down to Ft. Lauderdale in July? I live in Jacksonville so if you need a pitstop, I would be crazy about getting to see you! I bet Copper is adorable. Pets are so therapeutic. I'm glad you are keeping busy. Next time I come to see my sister in Statesboro, I'm going to make sure I make a better effort to come see you. Stay strong and take care of yourself.
CommentsOh Baby, I miss Conner so much, too. Today I was thinking about my grandchildren - my four grandchildren and realized how hard it is to answer the question "how many grandchildren do you have?" I have four, but one is an angel. One will never grow up and I'll never get to watch him go through the milestones. Just like you, who gave birth, we all went through that beginning and all those dreams,only to have them dashed by a disease I've learned to hate. But mostly I have to learn to cherish the only bit of time we had with our baby Conner, our little boy, Conner and now our angel, Conner. I miss that little voice and those big eyes and the soft skin. And, sweet girl, I know how your heart aches and I know how his Daddy and Grandaddy ache for him too. Well, we are all in pain, but we try to keep it to ourselves and just let a little out at a time. So I've indulged myself for today and I promise to put the pain away for awhile. No more tears for now. I'm so sorry this had to happen to you, but we knew we wouldn't have him forever. We knew this day would come. And it is as hard as I knew it would be.
CommentsMy body looks like I was thrown into a lion's den. That puppy has bitten me up! I try all the "techniques" but, uh, they don't work. I guess I have to just wait it out. Well, I need to get the house looking good in and out so I can sell it. And I guess John and I are going to have to go in Conner's room and divide things up. There are so many special things and reminders. I've stayed out of there the past couple of weeks. Its hard being here. But I will go on. I just talk to him and imagine what he is thinking. Anyway, I guess everyone has issues. Everyone's dealing with something, some hurt. And just like everyone, I'll just deal with things and keep moving. I'm enjoying work so...I don't want people not to call me for work or a contract because they think I can't handle it. I have nothing but time now. I want to do the work and build the consulting business I've been wanting for over 10 years now. I am ready!
CommentsBETSEY I AM SO HAPPY FORYOU AND YOUR STARTING A NEW BUSINESS. WHAT SERVICES EXACTLY WILL YOU BE OFFERING? ANYWAY WHERE WILL YOU LIVE WHEN YOU SELL YOUR HOUSE & ALL? I AM GLAD YOU ARE STAYING SO BUSY I KNOW IT HELPS WITH DEALING WITH....... YOU KNOW. ANYWAY CONNER IS IN SUCH A GOOD PLACE RIGHT NOW. HE'S THE HAPPIEST LITTLE BOY EVER. HE HAS HIS NANA WITH HIM TOO. GLAD YOU'RE IMPROVING AND ALL IS GOOD WITH YOU, YOUR PUP, AND YOUR NEW BOYFRIEND. TALK TO YA LATER CHICK
CommentsWell, I hope things continue to move in a desirable direction, but everyone is vulnerable to the wrath of what can't be controlled, right? I have worked with non-profit or public human-service organizations for 11 years, got my undergraduate in Sociology and Masters in Public Administration so I feel confident that I can work with several organizations to help with training, PR, program planning/coordination/implementation/evaluation, and stuff like that. I like it because I learn new things to add to the list of services I can provide to agencies all the time. I am ready to hire someone now and I am excited! I think Conner is orchestrating my "comeback." I just hope I do a good job. I have nothing but time and I love working with people or agencies who need the help. I've been there. I know.
CommentsPlease remember to put your names or email me(front page) and let me know who you are! I like to know who I'm responding to! I forget sometimes, too. It surprises me anytime anyone writes on here in response to what I write anyway because I feel like I'm writing to myself. Okay, thanks.
CommentsBetsey- you are not writing just to yourself.... I hop on and read almost daily if I am able to take the time. I'll see you in the morning but I just wanted to reassure you that we are all still here and listening. And Conner is still touching lives on a daily basis...I just had a lady I baby-sit for call me and tell me how angelic ya'lls picture is in the Statesboro Magazine. That she saw it for the first time in the doctor's office and broke down into tears it was so sweet. Betsey and John- you are such wonderful parents!!!! love love me mere
CommentsHey Meredith. I hope you don't get discouraged if no one comes tomorrow. I suspect the number will be low since the Tuesday program is just starting. I need to employ some marketing skills. Anyway, long day. I went to Brunswick and talked with some teens. It was fun. They are so sweet and silly. Okay, going to sleep.
CommentsHey Meredith. I hope you don't get discouraged if no one comes tomorrow. I suspect the number will be low since the Tuesday program is just starting. I need to employ some marketing skills. Anyway, long day. I went to Brunswick and talked with some teens. It was fun. They are so sweet and silly. Okay, going to sleep.
CommentsHi Sweet girl, glad you're staying busy. I'm going to see Jeff today and pick Lauren up on the way home (maybe Drew, too, if they'll let me have him). I hope Jeff's spirits will be up. He's been pretty discouraged lately - missing Abby, as we all do. But patience and perseverance are the keys. A father's day visit would be nice. Give my love to Brandon and a little "pat" for Copper. Hope the Riggs boys are all well and getting through this tough time. I miss everyone and will try to get down there soon. July is a dead time for the "perfume" business, so maybe I can get away on some mini-trips. A friend of mine is moving to St. Mary's and wants me to go down there with her on a factfinding trip. I'd love to see Jim and Ginna, so I'll try to plan it. Talk to ya later.
CommentsBetsy, I just want you to know how blessed I am to have known Conner through this website. What a beautiful precious boy. He was very blessed to have such a wonderful Mommy, Daddy & family. My thoughts & prayers are with you. Jennifer Starr
CommentsHi Betsy, I'm so glad that you are doing well. I was wondering if you knew anything about Hunter Syndrome. We have just learned that my 16 month old nephew has it. I hope my niece is as strong as you. Please everyone keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we have a long road ahead of us from what I have learned about the disease. Thanks and I hope you and your family keep doing well.
CommentsThanks Jennifer, I hope things are going good with you! Becky, I am so, so sorry. I didn't really know about Hunter's Syndrome until now. I just read a little about it-progressive but it seems to come in so many different, unpredictable severities and manifestations. I had heard of the storage diseases because a baby around here passed of one almost 12 years ago. When Conner was diagnosed her mother, Marsha Hagan, reached out to us. A more generally known storage disease is Tay-Sachs but it seems that depending on the enzyme issue they affect different parts of the body. I am so very sorry. I hope your niece will reach out to others with the same situation. When faced with such a devastating disease you can't do it alone. Its too overwhelming. I will be thinking of you and I know a lot of energy that was directed toward Conner through this website can be shared with your family.
CommentsThanks Jennifer, I hope things are going good with you! Becky, I am so, so sorry. I didn't really know about Hunter's Syndrome until now. I just read a little about it-progressive but it seems to come in so many different, unpredictable severities and manifestations. I had heard of the storage diseases because a baby around here passed of one almost 12 years ago. When Conner was diagnosed her mother, Marsha Hagan, reached out to us. A more generally known storage disease is Tay-Sachs but it seems that depending on the enzyme issue they affect different parts of the body. I am so very sorry. I hope your niece will reach out to others with the same situation. When faced with such a devastating disease you can't do it alone. Its too overwhelming. I will be thinking of you and I know a lot of energy that was directed toward Conner through this website can be shared with your family.
CommentsI share Betsey's sorrow at hearing about the baby with Hunter's disease. Becky, we will all pray that it will be manageable or whatever the words might be. I do know the great love and joy that babies bring, no matter what the affliction. They are all innocent little angels and surrounded by love, they can be so accepting and so easily made to be happy and content. Hopefully the baby's mother will, as Betsey said, reach out and be willing to accept help and comfort from those who will try to be a part dealing with this sad situation. Our time with Conner was way too short, but the impact on our lives of having that sweet special little boy will last forever. He will always remain a precious little guy who was totally dependant on everyone around him for everything he experienced. I miss him alot today (and always.) Grammy loves you little man.
CommentsThanks Meredith and Jennifer. Becky, we wish the best for your nephew and his family.
CommentsBetsey and John, I hope that things are going good for the two of you.May god continue to fulfill you lives.May god bless you.
CommentsJohn, you signed the journal! Now you see how many people have been asking about you. You're more important than the puppy but I don't feel comfortable disclosing all your info. S0---more puppy stuff-he's getting big already and his baby teeth are sharp. I was already aggravated with him the other day for peeing over and over inside after taking him out over and over. The last time I took him out after he peed, I had to push him out the door and when I stood up he jumped up behind me and bit my butt. Then he bit my pajamas and ripped a big whole in the leg. I had to count to ten. I am looking forward to him losing those razor sharp baby teeth and I can't wait until I get a place with a fence. Until then I will just love him with as much patience as possible. Enough about my boring life...I miss my baby and I had to clean his room last night for the house to be shown today. I miss him and still feel mad that he wasn't born with a chance to be normal and have a future. When I go in his room I don't want him back sick I think of having him normal playing with the things in his room or sleeping in his bed, pulling his covers up, finding excuses not to go to sleep, being so cute I can't stop hugging and kissing him. I never could stop kissing his cheeks, hands, neck, lips. I wonder what parts of his personality were like me and other than his obviously looks what parts were like John and of course what funny things would have been totally unique to him. I wonder what kinds of pictures he would have drawn or if he would have danced silly with me. I know he liked to sing with me especially when it was way passed his bedtime. I wonder if he would have been one of those toddlers who liked to give hugs or if he would have run away or squirm around everytime you tried to give him affection. I think he would have been a squirmer. I wonder if he would have hit or bit kids in daycare or if he would have been really nice and been the one bitten or hit. What would his favorite food be? Would he have eaten spinach and broccoli like me or been real picky like John? I wonder what he would have been like as a teenager. I wonder if I would have gotten along with him real good or if he would have thought I was very uncool. I have a million more but I'm tired of typing.
CommentsBOY oh Boy.... I would have hated the day Conner got bitten at PPEC!!! I remember the days when the parents read the notes on the back of the daily reports when their child was bitten. (Normally the older infants bit the younger ones and the parents of the younger ones were furious about the bites until the day their child grew teeth and became the biter.) Of course we tried our BEST to prevent bites but ultimately even with several referees every child was bitten once or twice. But just thinking, I don't think I would have wanted to be there when Conner got picked up. I was just thinking the other day of the kids from his class and which beds were theirs. How much fun I had making their name animals. It's fun to travel back to the thoughts of working at PPEC but I'm glad it is only thoughts. It's always tough to go to the wonders and the thoughts of all the "what if's". I can't imagine what it is like for John and youself and all the wonders, and "what if's" ya'll may think about. My heart hurts for ya'll! It just seems like when you think life is going to become routine that there is always another curve in the road. Keep that chin up and know that ya'll are loved!!!! me mere
CommentsBetsey, I can still hear your little voice when you were about 4 or 5 saying "What-if's don't count" in your defiant little way. I guess they still don't,and all we can do is accept. Conner was the little guy with the big eyes, the sweet smile, the soft smooth skin, the long thin fingers, the curly brown wild hair. He was love all the way - no biting, no kicking, no meanness - just love and acceptance. He took what life offered him and he was able to find happiness in his Mommy and Daddy and Elmo and the nurses and the love that surrounded him. And when the time came to say goodbye, he went quietly, leaving us with some sweet memories of total spiritual perfection. Conner couldn't evoke anger or hate or unkindness - all you could do was love him. So we're proud of him and his spirit and his perfection. And we miss all of that because there's no one else who can be all loving and accepting in our midst.
CommentsThanks Betsy, John and Sandee for your prayers and thoughts. I will keep you informed about my nephew (his name is Tucker Lanier) Becky
CommentsYour welcome, Becky. Meredith & Mom-I know, I know.........Well, I went to see B.B. King Sat. night and it was so good! I was getting ready thinking the chore of it was not worth ANYthing(I usually feel that way but do it anyway). But when we got there and saw B.B. King play and sing and dance (in his chair) it was worth getting ready 100 times. I feel like I witnessed a piece of history. Okay, that's all.
CommentsI was really missing Conner last night, missing being his mommy and missing his eyes. I hate to dwell and I feel like besides the normal things I have to do to survive financially and socially, I just can't help but to be so sad that my baby is actually not here. Last night, what really helped was remembering that I saved his hair. I found a bunch from his last haircut in a bag and I felt it. It was so soothing to look at his picture and want to rub his head and be able to really feel his hair. I knew I saved that hair for some reason. I guess its hard because his birthday is coming up. Today is Drew's birthday. His party is Sun. and I can't wait to go and see how he reacts to everything. I guess maybe being able to feel the hurt means I'm not suppressing it which I guess is good. I don't know. As time goes by, I'll find ways to make time pass easier. I love working which is good and the root of my survival (food, clothing, shelter, and more clothing).
CommentsDear Sweet Betsey, I have been reading to catch up with all your new adventures. I'm very proud of you. There's not anything you can't do !! I'm sure some of your days are hard for you. Remember, some say that time heals everything.... I feel it's what you do with your time that helps you heal. You have such wonderful memories. Each day I can recall something wonderful and even happy about my two precious people that keeps me smiling. I'm sure you do the same each day. Sounds like B.B. and his girl Lucille put a smile on your face. If you really like jazz let me know. I have a couple places in mind that you may enjoy. I thought about you while I was at the beach. I toasted the greatness of the sea and remembered my special friend Connie and our last visit to the coast. Take care of yourself and remember, you are loved. Miss Lucie
CommentsHi Betsey, Miss Lucie is right...there is nothing you can't do! And especially with a little angel to help you I know that one day soon you will be able to laugh and really mean it. I'm at work so this is short but I will call you soon!!!! Gina
CommentsI agree with Miss Lucie and Gina, Boo. You can do anything you put your mind to. The best and hardest part of the deal is being able continue to want to do and learn and feel and live. You can do it all because you know you have to and you know it's what our little guy would expect of you. He knows you as the strong mommy who made him feel safe, secure, and most of all adored. None of that has changed and neither have you. I look forward to seeing you this weekend. Love you
CommentsHey Betsey! Got your note in the mail...glad the book arrived. I hope you enjoy it! I'm going to be in town next week and was wondering what your work schedule was like. I would love for us to go to the Tea Room in Savannah. It is so yummy!!! You can either email me or I'll hollar at you when I get to Statesboro. And I'll definately bring the boys by to see the puppy. They would love that! Have a Blessed Day! Shelley
CommentsGive me a call Shelley. It should be flexible until Thursday and with the exception of Tuesday am to 2pm. I can't stop working and I'm still up doing stuff. I need to go to sleep! I just get carried away when I start something. I wish I could get that way about cleaning up. I think I work to stall to keep from cleaning. Anyway, thanks to Irene, I got a Phil McGraw talk today and I feel cleansed deep within. Brandon and I told her she needs a talk show because she's so insightful about human thoughts and behavior. Irene, Conner's former faithful, reliable day nurse, is helping me with my business stuff. She's a great nurse but a thorough and resourceful and efficient worker, in general, and I am thankful I have her. I just wish I could hire her full time. Today was the first really good, non-ache day in a while. I needed some soul cleansing and Irene always purges me by making me talk and "fussing" at me. (She doesn't really fuss but she can be as blunt as ol' Phil). Okay, I'm going to sleep. Thanks Irene. and thanks Lucie, Gina, mom, Shelley. All of the encouragement helps. It really helps. I'll be fine! I think I'm getting close to finding a house. I hope to find out about a loan this coming up week. I think with the price range I'm looking for it won't be too hard to manage. I just want a 2 bedroom, one bath-not hidden in a neighborhood but centrally located. I've found a couple of good ones that aren't too expensive and I can fix to my liking. Brandon is building a house anyway and I'm all into the excitement of that, too. I don't feel like I've helped him too much though and he's done a lot to help me look for something. Okay-I'm going to sleep NOW!
CommentshApPy FaThEr'S dAy, JoHn!!!!
CommentsI echo Meredith's message: Happy Father's Day, John. I love you and so does a special little angel who's watching over you. I'm sure he (and Connie) want the same good loving things for you that we all here want for you. You are surrounded with love. Please find peace and comfort in that love. I miss you and hope to see you when I go back down there (or when you make your way up here!) Love you, Sandee ("Momma")
CommentsBetsey, Hey girly - I was just catching up on you. It sounds like you are really enjoying your work and Cooper. I bet he is fun. Those baby teeth really are the worst though. I love puppies and I think their puppy breath is so sweet. Well, I just wanted to say hello and let you know that I was thinking about you. I am so glad you are still writing and keeping everyone posted. Please take care of yourself and tell John I said hello too and I hope is he doing okay. You both are still thought of lots and prayed for daily. Keep your strength and positive attitude. Love, Robyn
CommentsHi Betsey: I think you may be getting ready for the SMA conference (unless you have changed your mind about going). I just wanted to tell you that I will be thinking of you. I hope you will still have some support with you. And I also hope you get to meet TONS of great people who you can relate to. I'm not sure which sessions you plan on attending, but know if it gets to be too much you do not have to make yourself sit through it...you can leave! Last year, John and I decided not to attend the 2nd grief session because it was too much for us. Instead we went out and enjoyed Chicago. It was a good decision. I hope your time spent at the conference is positive. Again, I'll be thinking of you! And I know a little angel will be watching over you : ) I hope to be able to speak with you on the telephone when you get back. Love Gina
CommentsHey there. I am leaving for the conference tomorrow and I am very excited. I've been to Chicago before and I love it. It was summertime last time I went. I've never been up North in the cold months except when I was too young to remember. Anyway, Gina I'll try to get a hold of you tonight. Well, I think I've been a big baby lately and I think I've been making things harder on myself than necessary. I want to continue with this grieving process as efficiently and effectively as possible (speaking in public administration terms). I think I often do more to distract the process than I do anything else. I don't mean I need to just sit around and cry all the time, I mean I need to have some time that I designate to remembering and time that I designate to taking care of my new life that doesn't include being a caretaker. Can you see how just planning it gives me some control. I guess that is what I really need-to feel like "bad fate" and pain doesn't have control of me. I say I will survive but not if I keep wallowing and stalling. I really think going to the conference and meeting the other families will be wonderful and therapeutic. I also know that having a special time for myself when I just sit down and watch Conner videos or take a few minutes to write in a journal to him (I could do that right here!) or have a planned response to seeing other children who look like him, I could regain control of myself in a healthy way! So, I'll start right now-well, I already have but here's the journal part.....................................................................................................Dear Angel Conner, I know you are still with me and I know you are watching over me! Do you see me fussing at this silly dog? Are you having fun with your grandmommies and granddaddies? They are lots of fun and very loving and I know they are taking care of you. I love you baby and give everyone hugs for me!
CommentsHi Betsey. I just stopped to see how you were doing, and it sounds like you are doing just great! You have a very positive attitude, and you also have a right to miss your sweet baby. I often think of "what might have been", but that's all part of the grieving process. I'm so glad you are going to the SMA conference. My Charlie was such a baby when we lost him, that there was never time. I should take your positive attitude and just go to one myself. I think you are right to face grief and get at it. My pastor gave me that same great advice. He compared grief to a bed of hot coals and trying to get across them. Some people take the edges where it's not as hot, but eventually still have to go through the hot part. Others take it head on and get through quicker. I'm trying to take it head on, as well. It's tough and I will say some extra prayers for you! I know Charlie and Conner, and all the other little angel boys are having a blast playing ball and eating ice cream cones. Kathy and my little angel in heaven Charlie Cowan www.caringbridge.com/mn/charlie
CommentsHey Betsey, I'm so glad to hear that you are still taking care of yourself in such a smart way. You know I have always said you do all the right things! You are so smart to realize you have to deal with the grief but you are also setting goals for your future. You are such a smart and savy person and I know you are going to be fine in the long run. I'm always amazed at your determination and strength! Love bunches, Deborah
CommentsHi, went to the conference and enjoyed it. The hotel was nice and the food was very good. I don't feel like writing too much because I am VERY ANGRY!!! And I need to work. I am concerned about Abby and talking to her mother makes me feel like Abby is just floundering in crisis without any ability to recognize that she could have such a safe, secure world that is designed to provide for her needs and her healthy physical AND MENTAL well-being. Instead she may as well be raised in the psych ward of Georgia Regional. If Abby's mother ever reads this, here is my message before you hung up on me: If my niece is hurt (again) in your care, you and the family that took her out of her secure environment will forever be held responsible-if only in your consciences-so be it! I am so angry at your SELFISHNESS and laziness to my baby niece's detriment and don't EVER compare yourself to me in how you care for your child and doing what must be done-you have NO clue ...... ......... ........... ......... .................I am just so angry and I wasn't done talking to her and now I feel better that I got that out. I would never talk about such private stuff and Abby is too young to read this. Otherwise, I'd find another outlet. Must work, trip was good, trying to sell house, trying to keep up with Abby girl and make sure she's safe, John is doing okay as far as I know, trying to buy a house, John is living at Dad's, ummmmm....don't know what else is even somewhat relevant until I have the calmness to write about the trip. Anyone who actually cares enough to read about my now Conner-less, boring life-thanks.
CommentsHang on, Betsey !! We will just keep praying for Abby's return to you and your family. I'm so glad you had a safe and interesting trip. It does help to get away. It sounds like you are really getting your business off to a wonderful start. I just know there are lots of other adventures ahead for you. John, Sonny and I have been in touch several times the last few days. If was so good to hear from them. Take care of yourself. Eat your vegetables and get some good sleep. Remember you are loved. Miss Lucie
CommentsAmen to that Betsey! I love to talk to Abby, but it hurts to hear the confusion in her voice. She doesn't understand not being allowed to be with us. All she knows is a mother who goes from man to man to find support rather than allowing her child to have a stable life with loving family, while she "searches" for herself and deals with the mess she has made of her life. She is so selfish that she prefers to drag Abby through her hell and call it being a "survivor" or "good mother", when it's just plain manipulative and trashy. I would never tell Abby at this age what her mother's behavior represents, but she will grow up someday and she will be fully aware. Suzy can stop this craziness now and take the time to become a decent person and mother and be someone Abby can be proud of, or she can continue as she is in a world of lies and deceit. We will continue to fight for Abby's stability and well being. We are thankful that Suzy's mother, who knows her better than anyone, agrees with us about Abby's welfare. You hang in there, Boo. WE all miss our little man, Conner. Take care of those signs he keeps sending you. He's watching everything - the turtle was a messenger. Even the little thoughts of love he puts in our hearts when things get tough.
CommentsBetsey, Hang in there, honey!! We will keep Abby in our prayers & hopefully Suzy will realize the importance of stability (hopefully). I can't wait to hear about the conference. Keep us posted!
CommentsI agree with Brandon in that I shouldn't talk with her. Her family up there seems pretty decent and I don't think they knew how manipulative she is and the LENGTHS she will go to. Okay, enough or my blood pressure will rise again. The conference was good. I met other families with sma1 kids who had passed. Audrey Lewis, the director of fsma, was very sweet when she saw my name tag. She assured me that if I needed anything to let her know and she was so sorry. She is a wonderful, compassionate person and fsma is lucky to have her. It was amazing to think that all the people there are touched by this disease. The sma kids there were SO CUTE!! They were flying by in their neat power wheel chairs. They were having so much fun in the kids room making things. Conner wouldn't have known what to think with all those kids that were in chairs. For once, he would have been in the majority. Although he would have probably been in his wagon-very special. It was kinda hard seeing the kids that were more severe. I didn't go out of my way to meet as many people as I should. I just didn't feel like I had much to say-just "hey" and "thank you" when people were nice or said, "sorry." We were all in the same boat and I didn't feel the need to explain too much. off to sleep. thanks for paying attention.
CommentsHi Betsey, I just wanted to second your thoughts on Audrey Lewis, FSMA's Director. She is SO AMAZING and has done so much for those of us affected by this horrible disease. Families of SMA was literally started at her kitchen table and now it has turned into a multi-million dollar organization. I know this is not due entirely to her efforts, however without her I believe a real hope for a cure would not exist. She is an extremely compassionate and selfless person. Executive Directors of multi-million dollar organizations usually have high salaries. Her salary: $0. And the reason is because (as she has stated) the money she would make only takes away from the funding for a cure. I find that to be absolutely amazing and feel so indebted to her in many ways. She gets far less kudos than she deserves. She works tirelessly everyday for families just like ours. One day I have every faith in the world there will be a cure for SMA and it will be largely due to her efforts. I'm proud to know her : ) She's an amazing soul and spirit. On another note, thanks for sharing your conference experience. I'll be praying for Abby. Talk to you soon hopefully (I'll be out of town until next week), Gina
CommentsThanks Gina. I hope your time out of town is for relaxing reasons-not work or anything like that. The pup and I are here hanging out. I'm waiting to hear about the house I put an offer on, and I am pretty sure my house is sold. I signed the contract today. I hope everything works out nicely. I'm excited about getting the little house I want if I can get the right price. It is worth a little less than half of this one. It is cute though. it has two bedrooms. I would make one of the bedrooms a kid's room-Conner's room. I would fill it with his toys and bed and Lauren, Drew and hopefully my Abby baby can stay there when they visit. It has a big yard and lots of azaleas. The hard wood floors and bedroom light fixtures on the side of the walls make you feel you stepped into the past-like you're living in a much simpler time. The floor plan is open and the sun has a lot of access. The sun can shine through the den window in the front and hit the back door. There is so much that can done to make that house a perfect little bungalow! And if that doesn't work out, I'll find another one.....
CommentsHey Betsey! Congrats on getting your house sold. That's the hardest part of it all! And the one your putting a bid on sounds great!! I look forward to seeing it next time I'm in town, which I have NO idea when will be! :o( We've been sick now for over two weeks...I say we, I mean the kids. I'm so sleep deprived at this point, but now that they are finally sleeping throught the night again I can't sleep!! Did this ever happen to you with Conner?! Weird.... Anywho, keep us posted on if they take your offer and what happens. Love, Shelley
CommentsI never could get on schedule. Poor babies. Everyone's sick right now. I don't feel so good either. I can't stop coughing and I am tired of coughing. My head feels clouded from all the cough medicine. I was trying to write stuff and use my brain to think today and word things correctly and I kept starting over and over until I had to give up. I can't think of having another day coughing! I'm going to take more cough medicine though and hopefully sleep through the night-peacefully. I hope you don't get sick Shelley. Oh, the worst was being pregnant with a cough, not being able to take anything that works and having to go to the bathroom every twenty minutes. That is so bad. Well Lauren and Grammy are here and the cute, little (big) puppy bit Lauren on the side with his razor-shark-like teeth. Real good. He thinks he's playing but he HURTS! And after that I hooked him to a chain and he's never been hooked up to one. So, he took off out the door before I could grab him and he yelped. Then he wouldn't come back until Lauren went out in the yard and got him. I think he's mad at me because he just sat and stared at me. I can't wait until we learn how to control him better. We are trying to learn things off the internet. We learn we do almost everything wrong. Lauren and Grammy are going to the Alzheimer's group with me tomorrow. Lauren got some flowers for the ladies. She'll enjoy their company. I've tried to explain it to her, what Alzheimer's is but I think she just has to go meet the ladies and she will appreciate them and learn more about the illness.
CommentsBetsey and Lauren are still asleep. I dreamed about my little Conner last night. I guess it was being here for the first time since the funeral. It was kind of sad not seeing him, so I just conjured him up in my dream. He said "I Love You" so very clearly. Being here makes me realize how hard it is for Betsey. The house feels empty without Conner and the nurses. I saw the little house she's buying and it is very cute - lots of possibilities. The yard is GREAT. It does need someone to give it a little attention, but Betsey and Brandon both have lots of enthusiasm. Lauren is such a sweetie. She's really good company - so mature for her nine years. We need to get Betsey well. She stays up too late!
CommentsBetsey and Lauren are still asleep. I dreamed about my little Conner last night. I guess it was being here for the first time since the funeral. It was kind of sad not seeing him, so I just conjured him up in my dream. He said "I Love You" so very clearly. Being here makes me realize how hard it is for Betsey. The house feels empty without Conner and the nurses. I saw the little house she's buying and it is very cute - lots of possibilities. The yard is GREAT. It does need someone to give it a little attention, but Betsey and Brandon both have lots of enthusiasm. Lauren is such a sweetie. She's really good company - so mature for her nine years. We need to get Betsey well. She stays up too late!
CommentsGrammy worries too much. We're going on our trip tomorrow to the Keys and Ft. Lauderdale. I get to meet Payton and Debbie. Payton has sma 1. I can't wait to see his sweet little body and meet Debbie. I wonder if he'll let me kiss his cheeks. That might be too much-too close for a stranger. I'll want to kiss his head and cheeks and neck, I'm sure. I can't wait to meet them. We are going to visit Maria who worked with Debbie. Maria has had two friends with sma1 babies. Pretty unfortunate coincidence. Thurs. we meet Debbie and Fri., we go to Islamorada. The bid on the house I want was accepted. I'm working on inspections and loan now and hopefully I'll have two closings in the next couple of weeks and be in the new-old house the week after next. Okay, gotta go cough.
CommentsGrammy worries too much. We're going on our trip tomorrow to the Keys and Ft. Lauderdale. I get to meet Payton and Debbie. Payton has sma 1. I can't wait to see his sweet little body and meet Debbie. I wonder if he'll let me kiss his cheeks. That might be too much-too close for a stranger. I'll want to kiss his head and cheeks and neck, I'm sure. I can't wait to meet them. We are going to visit Maria who worked with Debbie. Maria has had two friends with sma1 babies. Pretty unfortunate coincidence. Thurs. we meet Debbie and Fri., we go to Islamorada. The bid on the house I want was accepted. I'm working on inspections and loan now and hopefully I'll have two closings in the next couple of weeks and be in the new-old house the week after next. Okay, gotta go cough.
CommentsGrammy worries too much. We're going on our trip tomorrow to the Keys and Ft. Lauderdale. I get to meet Payton and Debbie. Payton has sma 1. I can't wait to see his sweet little body and meet Debbie. I wonder if he'll let me kiss his cheeks. That might be too much-too close for a stranger. I'll want to kiss his head and cheeks and neck, I'm sure. I can't wait to meet them. We are going to visit Maria who worked with Debbie. Maria has had two friends with sma1 babies. Pretty unfortunate coincidence. Thurs. we meet Debbie and Fri., we go to Islamorada. The bid on the house I want was accepted. I'm working on inspections and loan now and hopefully I'll have two closings in the next couple of weeks and be in the new-old house the week after next. Okay, gotta go cough.
CommentsBetsy, I am so sorry. I just found out. I will come see you soon. Call me please. (478)668-3987
CommentsBetsy, I am so sorry. I just found out. I will come see you soon. Call me please. (478)668-3987
CommentsBetsy, I am so sorry. I just found out. I will come see you soon. Call me please. (478)668-3987
CommentsI'm a little worried by Amy's message. What happened? Betsey, are you and your mom okay? John? Betsey, I need to call you I'm in FL right now and don't have your number.
CommentsNo, Amy had just found out about Conner. She had a baby-Joseph-that passed away of sma. She lives in a town nearby and we met through the hospital and doctors that cared for our sons. We get in touch every few months or so. I didn't have Amy's number when Conner passed so I was waiting to hear from her. I know how she feels finding out about Conner because I felt the same way finding out about Joseph and Andrew. I only met Joseph once and never met Andrew but you feel like a family member passes. I'm sorry Gina, I've been out of town. I'm fine. My friend Maria was a very good hostess-thanks Maria. And I didn't a chance to see Debbie but I will in the future. Debbie I left some of Conner's leftover banana baby food at Maria's. Conner, like other sma babies, had a low potassium level so we had to supplement his formula with banana baby food. We found out his low potassium level caused that coma like condition he had that time we couldn't wake him up all day. We found out that had happened to other sma babies and the doctor and other parents at the conference said something about it being the loss potassium. Anyway, I'm glad to be back and I need to get back to work. I felt so guilty being away from my responsibilities. I don't do well with idle time. I get sluggish and depressed. Yuck. However, I did have fun riding the wave runners, getting caught in the rainstorm in the ocean on one with three people on it and me almost bouncing off the back when we hit the waves. I had fun snorkling with the barracuda and nurse shark(I was scared as crap). Though Doug explained their docility, I was fearful enough to just eventually climb back on the waverunner and lay out while the others finished their swims. We were about -13 or so?-miles or minutes-Maria? Anyway, it was fun but I am scaredy cat when it comes to water stuff. Then we saw a comedian that Maria had the nerve to heckle all night. He jumped all over her but she endeared him enough for him to get her up front. Last but not least, I had a great serving of Tiramisu at a barbeque (how do ya figure??) restaurant on the way back from the keys. It was better than the one I had at a very expensive restaurant in Chicago. It was superb. Okay, that's the trip. Alison, don't let Jeff publish to your friends the picture of us on the sandbar. That would be embarrassing to me and the one thing showing of the pair I don't want the whole world seeing. I'm assuming Jeff deletes pictures that don't turn out right, correct? yep...Well, even though I had a good time, its always hard seeing moms and dads and kids and thinking that should be me-not doing whatever I want but having to wipe faces, put on sunscreen over and over, change diapers, go in and make sandwiches, nap with baby or kids, watch for little swimmers...other things I had planned for and tried to do when I reached my early 30's. I guess by the time I have my next child or children, Alison and Maria, Lisa and Lorie will just be getting around to birthing some babes, too. Right? I can only spend so much time wishing I had what I thought I was getting. I just miss my baby and I think about having him with me in everything I do-or at least going back and telling him about it. Enough of all this talk. John, make sure you tell how you are doing...Sat. will be hard since its Conner's birthday. I'm not sure what to do but I don't have anything planned. I've got to pack up his stuff and John suggested Sat., so we may be packing his room that day. Gotta go, thanks.
CommentsMeredith and Momma, Thank you for the "Happy Father's Day". I needed that. Things are so much better when I realize I have people like ya'll. Conner is blessed to have people down here that loved and cared for him so much and, just the same, people up there who feel the same way. I hope to see you all soon. Like everybody else I have good days and bad days, I'm just trying to get them to a healthy mix. Everyday I try to do good things, go to good places and be around good people. How are things with Abby? If I can do anything please let me know and keep me posted. Miss Lucie, how's Mandy? I'm sorry I haven't called. Please keep us up to date. Daddy's sister's husband, Uncle Billy should probably be in ICU recovering from quadruple heart bypass surgery so pray for him. Dad and I will go down there tomorrow. Much love, John
CommentsMeredith and Momma, Thank you for the "Happy Father's Day". I needed that. Things are so much better when I realize I have people like ya'll. Conner is blessed to have people down here that loved and cared for him so much and, just the same, people up there who feel the same way. I hope to see you all soon. Like everybody else I have good days and bad days, I'm just trying to get them to a healthy mix. Everyday I try to do good things, go to good places and be around good people. How are things with Abby? If I can do anything please let me know and keep me posted. Miss Lucie, how's Mandy? I'm sorry I haven't called. Please keep us up to date. Daddy's sister's husband, Uncle Billy should probably be in ICU recovering from quadruple heart bypass surgery so pray for him. Dad and I will go down there tomorrow. Much love, John
CommentsHey Betsey, I'm glad everyone made it home safe and sound. We had such a good time with you guys this past weekend. I'm so glad that you were able to take a few days and come down for a visit. I wanted to tell you that I think sweet Conner put a good word in for us regarding the weather- it has stormed non-stop since you guys left and Tony called me from Islamorada and said it has been storming there since Sunday. I saw Debbie yesterday and gave her the bag you left for her. She was very appreciative and looks forward to meeting you next time you come down this way. Well...I better get some work done. Maybe we will be able to swing by your way next week while we are in Georgia. I will call you. Oh ya...we were 4 miles out and it took us 12 minutes to get there. And nurse sharks are bottom feeders (like catfish)- so they don't eat meat. But even knowing that I was a little nervous too when one of them starting swimming towards me :). Take care and keep your head up. You are such a smart, beautiful woman and you deserve so much happiness. Lots of love, Maria & Doug P.S. John we hope you are doing well. Please tell your Dad that we send our best. Take care.
CommentsCatch up time! We were supposed to have Abby's legitimation hearing tomorrow, but Suzy hired an attorney at the last minute and now her attorney wants a continuance. It's a pretty cut and dry process so it may be handled by agreement. From there, we'll see... Suzy's grandfather is at death's door and since Suzy feels it's not good for Abby to be a funerals, it seems like a good time for us to get her for an extended visit with her Dad and all our family. Maybe then she won't cry every time she talks to us and Suzy can stop saying we're mean because we make her cry. I miss my little man so very much. It will be hard to disassemble his little room. I know about your hard days - there's so much pain in not having him in our midst. When I see Drew with his Buzz figure, I think of playing with Conner with his Buzz. And when I hear "You've got a friend in me" I think of Connie. John please give Sonny my love, and we will be praying for Uncle Billy. Love to you all. I hope I'll be down there with Abby soon.
CommentsThe turtles were mating again outside Conner's window. I got a picture this time. Is that turtle-porn or am I a turtle peeping tom? well, they are on my property so its not an issue. Anyway, these two turtles-man and woman-rendezvous from opposite yards right outside Conner's window. I haven't seen them since Conner died but that's probably because I'm not in his room all the time with his shades open. Conner and I were rolling around in his wagon in the back yard one day and we saw from across the yard two brown spots. As we got closer we noticed it wasn't bark or a rabbit but two turtles..."rendezvous-ing". After that, we would see them out Conner's window every once in a while-the girl turtle strolling in from the left and the guy from the right. Then the other day when I was so mad with the phone call to Abby's mom I noticed a baby turtle outside my door. It was actually on the doorstep in the garage. Immediately, I laughed and thanked Conner for thinking of me. Brandon told me he thought the little turtle looked about a year or so old and that would have been about when Conner and I saw the turtles together that first time-could it be their baby and why did it travel to my doorstep? That's not the funny part, though. Jeff, Abby's daddy, called me later. When I answered the phone he instantly asked me if I had anything good to tell him, anything interesting? "uh, I don't know, what? the phone call with Suzy?" That wasn't it he said but listened to how mad I was about that. I told him I hoped Conner was with Abby and he said that was why he called-because he had been thinking of Conner that day. He said, "I told Conner to send his mommy a sign that he was thinking of her. Has anything happened?" I casually said, "Yes, he sent me a baby turtle that was probably conceived when we were walking in the backyard one day." Jeff said, "Well, I told him to do that. When did you see it, at 2?" I thought I had seen the baby turtle at 1 but I noticed later that day that my computer was an hour slow and I had seen him at 2-right when Jeff had asked Conner to send me something! Isn't that neat? I think its cool. Good news. The legimation papers are signed and we have rights to Abby now. So, we get to get her on Sun. and keep her until Aug. 5. I am very anxious to see her but until she is in Momma's car, I won't believe it. I won't want to let her go when I hug her. I love her so much. I feel like all my brothers' kids are my own. I love them all like I love Conner. I am fine with not seeing them all the time but only if I know they are happy and well taken care of. All the sweet babies...
CommentsBetsey- I love your turtle story and I'm excited that ya'll get to be with Abby again. You'll have to let me know if she will be in Statesboro anytime. If she is then you know Sparkles will have to come play. Oh- that reminds me to remind you that whenever your ready I'm ready for that trip to Richmond Hill to see Skylar and Cassidy. Let me know what would be best for you. I hope all is well. love love me mere
CommentsHey Betsey-I just read the site and caught up with things going on. I have been in TX all summer working at a soccer camp and am back now. Sounds like things with the puppy and house things are going well for you. Sorry it has been such a stuggle with Abby but sounds like good news to have her until Aug. I enjoyed reading the story about the turtle, what a neat present God allowed Conner to send you. I have been thinking about you and the family a lot and will be in the coming days as his birthday nears. John, it was good to hear how you are doing on here. I miss seeing all of you very much and wish Conner was still here to bring us together. love, Tara
CommentsWell, just when we get our hopes up, Suzy manages to dash them again. She is backing off her original offer to let us get Abby Sunday. So, it looks like we'll have to air some dirty laundry in front of a judge in order to get the control out her hands. Abby was so excited about the prospect of seeing her Daddy and then - nothing. But we never thought that Abby's happiness was of any concern to Suzy...just her own whims and selfishness. Also, she made Jeff promise that if we had Abby and her Grandfather were to die, that we would get Abby back up there to be with the family for the funeral. What does that say for someone who felt she had to "protect her from being at Conner's funeral"? God, please give me the patience and strength to deal with this lunatic. John, how is Uncle Billy doing? Also, how is sweet Kathleen (MaMa)? I haven't heard anything lately from that branch of the family. Hi Daniel, Jim, Julie, Little Jim, Sonny and Belinda.
CommentsHappy Birthday Conner. Mommy loves you. I hope you have a big birthday cake with three candles on it. I hope you blow out the candles and eat the cake and ice cream and fill your tummy up with junk food. I hope you get to open lots of presents all by yourself-and play with them by yourself. You and all your sweet sma angels have a great day and mommy is thinking of you like always.
CommentsHAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR CONNER, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!! I know you are having an awesome third birthday, keep sending your Mommy those special messages! Also, say hello to my best friend, Malia. She celebrated her third birthday not long after you got to heaven and I'm sure you are both having a great time running and playing together every day. My mommy says I have to get ready for bed now, but I am sending you kisses up to heaven (and Miss Betsey I'm sending you (((HUGS))) too!) Love, Kalair
CommentsHappy Birthday sweet Conner Baby angel! I know you are having lots of fun with your buddies up there celebrating. I am thinking about you and your mommy and daddy in a special way today. Love, Gina
CommentsHappy 3rd Birthday Conner! We all miss you.
CommentsHi Little Man, hope you had a fun happy birthday in Heaven. What a neat place to be, surrounded by so much love. I know that Grandmommy and Grandaddy Bill didn't let you eat too much "junk food" and cake, but what fun to have all those little guys around with no worries about sats or monitors or suctioning. I'll love you forever, my sweet one.
CommentsHi Conner, I just wanted to let your mom and family know that lots of us out here were thinking of you and them yesterday and today. I hope you had a wonderful birthday up there surrounded by all that is pure and right, and I hope you felt the wave of love coming up to you from down here. Happy 3rd birthday big guy...
CommentsHappy 3rd Birthday Conner! I know all the angels are surrounding you and singing as loud as they can. I hope you keep sending your mom those great signs that only she will notice...that's what makes them so great. Your angel friend Charlie sends them to me all the time, too. Please go find Charlie on Thursday and wish him a happy 1st birthday. You little angels in heaven are so very, very special and we know you take care of each other! Betsey, thinking of you often!
CommentsThanks for the Birthday wishes. Sat. was hard. I didn't think it would be any harder than any other day-since he's not here EVERYday. But I guess it was hard because I was tired and mean all day. I did enjoy celebrating a birthday theme with the Alzheimer's ladies. They were so sweet but of course couldn't remember whose birthday it was. I went through the files and found out it was one of the ladies' birthday, so I told them we were celebrating her birthday. They are wonderful and they give me the same heavenly vibes that Conner did. Being around them is like peeking through a peephole in a door and on the other side are all the heavenly things. Their bodies are still here but pieces of them are already there. The people they were (personalities) are gone and that part is the reflection our souls, right? I notice, too, that some of the less severe ladies notice that the others are "gone" and they treat them so sweetly but they know, too, even though they don't say anything. Okay, gotta work. Talk later.
CommentsDear Betsey, I hope you are still doing well and enjoying your position and job. Sorry I have not written, we've had an unsual sad-happy summer. Anyway, school starts August 5th and another year will be here with more interesting children to teach and love. I bet you are real busy getting your new house fixed up. I'm sure it will be matching your beautiful personality. Take care. Eat your vegetables and get lots of good sleep. Remember, you are loved. Miss Lucie
CommentsThis past week has been so busy for us all. Billy has no secretary so I've tried to help out there and poor little Boo is trying to move and get a new business started at the same time. I hate being too far away to help with the move. We are still moving forward with our quest to see Abby. I don't understand a mother who would keep so much love away from her daughter. Abby can only benefit from being loved by more and move people. I won't just wither up and go away because Suzy won't "allow" us to be a part of Abby's life. I will only try harder and be more creative. Gotta get ready to work! Love to Statesboro and good luck with cramming all your "stuff" into that itty bitty little bungalow.
CommentsMy grandson, Kaelan (pronounced Colin)is 6 months old and he also was recently diagnosed with SMA Type 1. I was so saddened to hear about Connor's passing. In my research I read many great accomplishments that Connor was making. I wanted to let you know that I really appreciate your honesty in your story. This disease is so terribly awful and hard on the kids and their familys. Kaelan is in the hospital right now battling pneumonia. It has been touch & go as I am sure you know. But he's doing better and our doctors are finally coming around to our side. My son & daughter-in-law have been so strong throughout all this. I can't imagine where their strength comes from. Again, I really appreciate your story and your honesty. Many of the websites I've seen seem to sugarcoat how difficult this disease is for everyone. I'm sure it was great therapy for you to be able to vent in that manner. Our family will remember you & your family in our prayers and hope that the days ahead become more bearable as you keep Connor's memory bright. God Bless!
CommentsSounds like Betsey has her move under control. She and Brandon have been busy unpacking and deciding what to keep and what to store. With a little coaxing, Copper has settled in at the new location. I haven't had much time to talk with Betsey, because I have had to help Jeff relocate his living quarters in North Ga. One bedroom apartments are hard to find in that area, but I know something will appear. Everything is a little hectic with all of us, but things are bound to work out with all the angel help and divine intervention we seem to experience when we need it most.
CommentsI've moved and have my office set up. Irene is here working with me. Lots to do and so little space and time. I can make more space and I guess, in the same manner of speaking, make more time(because we know we can't actually "create" space anymore than we can time!) Cindy, thanks for writing. I am so sorry to hear of another baby going through that hard stuff. When we first found out about Conner I wanted to know what daily life was like for the other families. You just don't know if you are doing things right or are going through the same things as others. I hope all my rambling has helped in some way. Okay gotta work and hey to Miss Lucie and other special people!
CommentsI hope Conner's web friends are doing okay. Alison is pregnant!!!!! I hope it was okay to tell, Alison. I am assuming so, since we had a conversation about "telling." I am so, so, so, so happy there's a baby on the way (new niece or nephew to me!) A new person to buy for...Well, I love my new house. Copper and I are sitting out on the porch on the new adirondack chairs- me with coffee and Copper on his big pillow. It is so pretty out here, the sun on the trees...the trees! I have big, pretty trees out here. Brandon's mom and I went yesterday and got two crepe myrtles, two palms, two other plants that I forgot the name of and others that make my environment cozy and homey. We have to put a new electrical system in because the current one is not enough for our (living in the year 2002) appliance collection. Brandon is going to take care of that. His uncle is an electrician so that helps. I have all Conner and Abby's toys in one room like I wanted. It will look extra cute and kid-like (for your baby, Alison, when y'all visit me!!) Alrighty, time to do real work. Oh, I hear a woodpecker! Copper hears him, too, and he wants to get him. Anyway, I have a mini-office out here on the screened in porch right now but it will get too hot in an hour or so....so I better get as much work done out here before I have to move it (phone and laptop) inside! As far as Conner's daddy and his family, I guess things are okay...We are waiting on Conner's head stone. John and I put a written thing on it and eventually we'll put a picture. The written thing is an anonymous quote from a card that Meredith the student, volunteer, ex-nursery school teacher, friend, pre-nurse sent us when Conner died. It refers to how special a person can be and what an impact one can make and only be here for a short period of time. A lot of people sent cards with that reference and I see it a lot on the other sma websites but her card seemed to wrap it up quite succinctly. Thanks for caring and sorry for not getting in touch with others by phone. Its just so easy to get a message on here and go about my distractions that make up my life. I guess by working so much, I insulate myself from having to talk about how much I miss the baby and how I'm dealing with it. Here I can just update and go, update and go. Anyway, I do appreciate your caring and thanks so, so much for that. It gives a big reason to do well. I can smell Vandy's from here. Oh, that is a good smell. Every morning when I worked at RJ Pope I would smell the good smell of the world famous Vandy's barbeque cooking and the smell filling up every crevice and corner of downtown Statesboro. I would sit out here every morning to smell this! Okay, enough, gotta work!
CommentsI have Lauren, Drew and Lauren's friend Alex with me today. I miss Abby and of course my little angel Conner is in my mind alot these days. I know I'll see Abby again...I don't know when. Can't even talk to her right now. It's so very hard. I just don't understand a mother who deprives her daughter of soooooo much love and affection. We are all here just waiting to get our arms around that sweet little girl and now we can't even tell her how much we love her. Hopefull, with the help of some sane people who can judge the true situation, things will change. I enjoyed "riding around" the countryside with you yesterday, Boo. Just having you with me was a treat. Will we ever have a whole week at the beach or in the mountains to relax and reflect and just smile and feel like things are good with the world. Drew wants a sit and spin. Where are all the sit and spins? Are there any down there? We must find one for Drew. Talk to ya later. Lauren said to tell you that she loves you. Later, Mom
CommentsI love her too and all my babies. I love Drew even though he'd rather watch Buzz Lightyear than give me a kiss. Hmmmm...sounds like his cousin, Conner. I am a mommy again to a sweet kitty cat. Copper wants to play with the kitty and she runs away and it drives him nuts. However, when she's preoccupying him, I can do stuff without him up under my feet. A lady named, Debbie, found the little white sunburned sick kitty at the bank. I went to open my business account and left with a sick kitty. I took her to the vet from there and she is fine. She is no problem, uses her litter box and plays with the pup while protecting herself from his lack of coordination. They napped on each other yesterday. He's so big and she's so tiny. Copper could crush her if we're not careful-but she's a survivor and takes care of herself. Her name is Little Debbie after her "finder." They are cute and I love loving them. As far as the house, I designed a bed frame, headboard thing and Brandon built it Fri. night. He also is adding a room to the house. We've got the floor in and the wall frame up. All we have left is sheetrock, mudding the wall and ceiling and painting and other little stuff. I also want to put a little bathroom out there somewhere and I could either use that as my office or rent it out. Oh well, lots of work to do today. My house is a mess filled with boxes and stuff from the garage. Coffee first though, right mom? I miss Abby and I hate that she is going through all this mess. I just want to know that she has what she needs-safety on a consistent basis. She never knows where she will be from month to month. She needs her own room among many other things. Real, sacrificial love. I've lost a child as a parent and a parent as a child and both are unbearable. So no matter what the outcome, this whole situation is tragic. time to make order out of this mess...
CommentsOur room is getting close to being done! I think I'll make it the office. Alison, I'm thinking of you and your little zygote. Hope you are doing good. I'm thinking of all Conner's buddies and how much I appreciate the care that has helped me be here on earth, peacefully, and Conner peacefully where he is supposed to be. gotta go work and be peaceful as I fuss at the pup and kitty. Just kidding, they make me laugh. They are currently chasing each other across the top of my couch. The kitty is swift, the dog, very uncoordinated. He's falling. She's gone. She's like the roadrunner. She always wins.
CommentsHi Betsey: Just wanted to let you know I'm glad things are going well with the house and that you are getting settled. I just wanted to let you know that I still think of you often and hold you close in prayers. I know Conner is doing things from heaven to help you - probably things you don't even realize. Take care, Gina
CommentsTalked to Abby! She was able to talk to her Daddy, Drew,me and Nana (on three-way). I appreciate Susan Mouser helping her call us. She needs the contact so bad. She didn't want to stop talking to Jeff. She kept saying "you know what?" I'm sure she just doesn't understand why we haven't come to get her like we keep saying we will. I'm very happy for you Alison. I look forward to having a little baby to hold, again. I see babies at the store all the time and want to go up and grab them, but that might be a little crazy so I just ooooo and ahhhhhh. Betsey, I wish I had more time and money....I'd be with you. I'm afraid my running around is catching up with me. I'm not feeling real strong, but I'll get my second wind and be back in action again.
Commentsmommy, you better feel better. you can bring kids and come stay in my new extra room/office. I can't wait for you to come visit and see it all. But wait because its a big mess. Its hard working and moving in. Oh, I'm painting some shelves. I bought the wood and paint and primed them and sprayed them. Brandon and I used cardboard/left over boxes to create the look of them and put a neat texture to the division of the colors. They look very cool and artish. I may hang them a little diagonal and hammer some "stoppers" in so the stuff doesn't slide off. The kid room is going to be so cute! You won't be able to help but feel playful and happy when you go into it. okay, gotta go run work errands.
CommentsThe smell of coffee. mmmm. I have to go do my laundry at the lanudry mat! We are waiting for Brandon's cousin to help us with the washer hook up. I think we just told him yesterday we needed him. I guess if I take my laptop, I can work. I used to leave it when I was in college. I don't know. Its early-all the thieves are probably asleep. Regardless, it needs to be done and its quicker than anything else. Last time I took them to the drycleaners to be laundered and folded and Brandon fussed at me for wasting money. Of course, I didn't think it was a waste. For sixty dollars, I dropped off 3 huge loads of clothes, then picked them up cleaned and folded. Ahhh. Oh well, gotta go!
CommentsI like the idea about dropping off all your laundry and picking it up cleaned and folded. I am going to have to look into that... I am way too tired to do laundry whenever I get home from work. All I want to do is sleep!!! That is definitely not a waste of money in my eyes. Thanks for being so happy and excited for me. I guess I am too worried to get too excited right now. I think I will feel better once I make it past 12 weeks. I am also looking forward to then because I am hoping I will feel better. I want to come to see your place as soon as I feel like I can drive that far without feeling bad or falling asleep. Love ya, Alison
CommentsIts sounds cliche but it really doesn't ever stop. Worry until 12 weeks, worry until 26 weeks, worry until 38 weeks, worry until delivery, worry every two weeks when you take the baby to the doctor for the first couple of months-then a break-then a cold or formula problem or colic. You know the problems after the birth because of Ryan but that internal worry feeling of wondering if it will "take" then be healthy is not taken for granted when its in your tummy! I don't want to be one of millions that tells you that and you know what I'm saying but you will worry and worry. At one point, I told myself, "Okay, I'm tired of worrying. If the baby is mentally retarded or physically handicapped and/or has Down Syndrome, I'll just deal with it! I'm tired of worrying about. I'll just go ahead and accept it." And I was fully prepared to take care of a handicapped baby BUT I never knew that those kind of babies also may die. But Alison, you will handle whatever comes your way. You are a lady of faith and as I say, "good Karma." I know that no matter what happens, you will be the best mommy there is. I have already been bragging about you! If you can have cats and a dog and keep your house as spotless (if you can be MY roommate and keep your apt/house spotless) you will appear to be the supermom of the century but it comes naturally to you. You love and you care and you do both completely. You're flexible and disciplined. What more could you want or need from a mommy? I don't care what this child or any other child you have is like, you will be a better mommy than I ever was! I want to learn from you.
CommentsFri we go to court for custody of Abby. Since Suzy is digging up any bad thing about me she can, I need to get some affidavits from those who know me to comment with regard to my parenting skills. What she doesn't understand is that I don't pronounce perfection. I am closer to what I say I am and I say I know how to provide shelter and love and I do it. I work, I love, I am a productive member of society and I think Abby deserves everything in the world. She deserves a chance to be happy. Genetically, she has a huge chance of being a drug addict. Her environment is her only chance. Okay, gotta go. Copper has a dog friend that just came over. Her name is Shelby. She is Brandon's old roommate's dog. They came to visit Copper and Brandon and me and eat. We're finishing up the room and I'm still trying to get the house cleared away.
CommentsDear Betsey, School has started and I have the sweetest group of 3rd Graders. Yes, I've changed grades and rooms also. I'm so glad things are getting to be somewhat normal for you. But what's normal? Right? I hope you have good luck with the battle for Abby. You should have no problems getting referrals as to your quality of love and care you and your family can give her. She would be such a lucky little girl. And you will again recieve another blessing. Take care. Eat your vegetables and get lots of rest. Remember, you are loved. Miss Lucie
CommentsThanks Lucie. Your class has no idea how lucky it is. Oh, I bet those kids talk, though. "You got Miss McKinney? You are so lucky! I heard she is so nice and reads stories in a fun way and does special, fun things with her class." Yep, I bet they know. Lots of work, gotta go.
Commentstime to work. I think I may have a good idea for my business. If it works, I will share it. I should know by Mon. for sure. I am so, so, so excited! All I have to say is if it works, I will have reached my ultimate career goal. Working for myself was one but this is the ultimate that I have always wanted but didn't know if the time would ever be right. The time seems so unmistakeably, coincidentally, angelically accurate for my next venture. Irene says its prayer. I believe her.
CommentsOnce again, your thoughts, energy, prayers and you Conner, you Conner were with us today----We GOT ABBY!!!!! I won custody! Suzy didn't show at all so we couldn't physically get her but we told her attorney to please make her aware we would like her to be at Abby's maternal grandmother's 6:00pm Sun. in Georgia. I'm not going home until she is back with our family. It was nice for Abby's welfare to be heard by the appropriate person who is fair and impartial and intelligent. I am concerned about the separation but hopefully Suzy will get herself to a place where she can reunite with Abby permanently instead of through visitation. But our baby WILL BE SAFE!!!!!! Thanks for thinking of us and thank you God-I said I'd be accepting but....that would have been a hard one.
CommentsBetsey, Prayers are answered...I'm so very happy for you and your family. Abby is truly a blessed child. She has so many people to love her and care for her.. NOW---No more doubting yourself.. You are going to do a wonderful job. If you still have the cards--give them to her and tell her I said Hello!!!! Take care--call--Do you still have the 104 email? Let me hear how you are doing.. Eat your vegetables and sleep peacefully.. Remember you are loved... Miss Lucie
CommentsBetsey, I got chills reading that you won custody of Abby! How wonderful for Abby and you and your family! She will flourish being with such a loving family! Conner must be doing flips and handstands rejoicing! He sure is watching over you! Casey and Colin are doing well. It's been a rough summer for Colin but he's on the upswing, for sure. Casey has Conner's photos on his dresser and we talk about him sometimes. I like to show Colin the picture with him on bipap. I think Colin thinks that it's him! (Although Colin doesn't look as much like Conner as Casey...) Anyway, just wanted to stop in and tell you that I think about you and keep up in your journal. Can't wait to hear more about Abby!~~Sue O'Neill~~
CommentsWOW BETSEY! I'm so happy for you and for Abby. Sounds like the system is working just as it should. I hope there were no problems picking her up today. You'll do great...you've already done so much for her. And Conner too : ) It's nice to go to bed with this happy thought. I hope to finally be able to talk to you soon Betsey and catch up on the phone. love Gina
CommentsThank you all for your prayers and thoughts. Abby is sooo happy. And we are ecstatic. Of course, my prayers now are for Suzy to do what she must to take care of herself and stop being angry and wanting to "fight". We only want what's best for Abby and we want Suzy to have a place in her life just as Jeff wants to have a place in her life. Maybe someday she will be back with one of her parents on a regular basis, but for now she is safest and most nurtured living with Betsey but having lots of extended family on both sides loving and caring for her. Lauren and Drew are enjoying their cousin and we have been talking about Conner alot. She really misses him and feels sad about him. But she's responding to so much love and attention. She'll be in Statesboro on Sat. and ready to get settled and into a routine.
CommentsThanks for your thoughts and prayers, Sue, Gina, and the others I know read this page...I think of you all a lot. I wonder the sma babies are doing-the ones we see and the ones we only feel. I told Abby Conner's in her heart. "NO he's NOT!!!" She didn't quite understand that explanation. I'm in Kansas City, MO right now but will be back Fri. I am so glad to talk to Abby everyday and know she is enjoying everybody and laughing as much as possible. I really don't have anything to say about her mom except I'm not her...I'm AUNT Betsey and I am here for Abby and glad I am able to be. Not perfect but very adequately available with lots of attention and love! And Conner is in our hearts...time to get back to the group. These people here with this group-leadership training for those interested in older adult community programming-are great! They are so funny and fun and smart and older, some a lot older. And FUNNY! I am really enjoying this learning experience. Its taught me a lot about all aspects of my business. 
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