Name:

Sandee

Email:

Date:

August 24, 2002

Time:

07:53 AM

Comments

Abby, Lauren and Drew have been catching up on all the time they missed together. They'll probably be cranky by the time I get them down tonight. I have to work all day, but when I get off, I'm bringing the group to my house to spend the night and get up early in the morning and head to Aunt Betsey's. Drew and Lauren will be able to see where Abby will be living. Then we'll head back so Lauren can go to school Mon. and Grandaddy can go to work. This past week has been a whirlwind, but a good one. Everything is working out just as it should. Jeff is back at work. Betsey is back in Statesboro. Abby is at Billy's until later today. I'll rest later. See you tomorrow Betsey.

Name:

Miss Lucie

Email:

lucimck@yahoo.com

Date:

August 24, 2002

Time:

09:07 PM

Comments

Betsey, I am so very proud you and Abby will be together. I know the children, your family and all will have a wonderful visit tomorrow. Abby has so many joys ahead of her. There could not be a better person to guide her into her exciting future. Betsey, you never stop amazing all of us with your strength. Take care. Remember, you are loved. Miss Lucie

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

August 24, 2002

Time:

09:29 PM

Comments

I thought of you today today, Lucie. Meredith and the other helpers were so good with the Alzheimer's participants today. I took some of Conner's books and a new one I bought for Abby (they have big writing) and asked if they wanted to read them theatrically. Only one lady was better than you Miss Lucie and she kept stopping and asking me if she was doing it right. Little did she know how perfect it was. She added feeling and words to the very simple reading that it was. I have a whole new way of reading it next time. Well, we know Miss Lucie is the best story teller but Constance did a darn good job. Mrs. Parrish read, the REALLY ugly duckling. Mrs. Fordham read, The Lord's Prayer. Dorothy read, Ten Little Lady Bugs. Mrs. Smith, read, I Love You. I enjoyed listening. Miss Elsie said she did, too. Anyway, on the other front of my business-that's more the paid volunteer side- I may have that good news to report. I'm so excited and I DO NOT keep secrets very well but I'm afraid I'll jinx it if I tell. Things are looking like they are going in the direction of my anticipated venture, so.......I can't wait to announce it-if it works. And Abby!!! I am presently taking a break from sewing curtains for her room-hand sewing-I haven't a sewing machine. I want one. Mom-bring your sewing machine!!!! I wish I could promise her everything would always be okay with her and her mommy and her life but I can't. I can show her what I can and tell her I'll always be here for her no matter what and I think that's soaking in. What a precious, sweet, darling baby she is. Thanks for keeping up. We keep marching on-heads up!

Name:

Mom

Email:

Date:

August 26, 2002

Time:

07:54 AM

Comments

Why didn't you call me and tell me to bring my sewing machine? I certainly would have. However, after seeing your house yesterday, I realize that you have lots of work ahead of you to just get all that stuff sorted and put away. The room is going to be a great help when Brandon finishes it. He is doing such a good job. How nice to have a handy man in your life. I never had that luxury, but all of my uncles and all of my cousins husbands were like that and I envied them so much. My Dad, brother, husband, sons....well, need I say more? Gary is just o.k. He can follow directions but he'd never tackle anything like that. Give my little poopy pot lots of love and don't forget "little round face" at night. She's a real cuddle bunny. Of course, you know all that. Be sure you read the Dr. Seuss books to her. She's likes them and could easily start reading with a little guidance.

Name:

Abby, betsey

Email:

Date:

August 27, 2002

Time:

11:49 AM

Comments

Gina, we're remembering Andrew today. I know he and Conner are hanging out. I lit a candle............................Abby wants to write. yikl.bnvbgtrnikkeavbbmabbypokujygrqjm Abby says...I'm doing really good. no. I love you that's sonnetly (?) cool. Well, I love you so really much. you're kinda trying to get a hecka me. ?????? When papaw died I was sad. Chelsea R. mgkgynfdhfjnrwkhyaabvbbyufjlq,b,elmoconnerjl;ojug That was good and weird all at the same time. Anyway, Gina, I know the day was difficult. Thanks for helping me during my time.

Name:

Email:

Date:

August 27, 2002

Time:

11:49 AM

Comments

Gina, we wrote that yesterday and didn't get it posted until this morning.

Name:

Email:

ginafimbel@yahoo.com

Date:

August 27, 2002

Time:

02:56 PM

Comments

Thank you Betsey & Abby. Yesterday (his b-day) was actually a beautiful day. John & I both were home from work and we lit two candles (as he would have been two) and pulled out his pictures. We did alot of praying, crying, talking, laughing, etc.... The days leading up to yesterday seemed to be worse than the actual day. I think I was dreading it and was tense. Sunday was yucky but I am here and I am okay and I am starting grad school this week to get my Masters in Social Work so I have alot to look forward to. No more feeling sorry for myself. Yesterday we thought alot about Conner and all of the other babies who have suffered from SMA. It's hard to believe how much these LITTLE ones have affected us in such HUGE ways. Their memories are so beautiful and I thank God for each memory I have of my little Andrew. Talk to you soon, Gina

Name:

betsey

Email:

Date:

August 28, 2002

Time:

01:35 AM

Comments

Abby reminded me to do little round face. You know I was telling Brandon that this idea that I would feel like Abby was "replacing" Conner is so inappropriate. I was accused of that in court. I was thinking about it today because it is very painful to give the love and attention that is meant for your own child to someone else's. It isn't uncomfortable and it is needed and I feel strongly about loving Abby the way she needs it but it is PAINFUL to have to hear his videos playing that he watched (with Abby) over and over and touch his stuff and not have him. Now, it is good that Conner's things can be used but I'd rather be able to just reconstruct Abby's room and make it more for her than to even have his stuff in there. Before Abby was here, I would have never put in one of his videos or listened to elmo's screams. That gives me an upset stomach. Okay, Copper is chewing on Conner's percussor. Sacred objects here!!!! Copper keeps going in Abby's room and digging out things to chew on. Anyway, I resent anyone thinking that my son is replaceable to me. Not only is he not but having a child in the house this soon after his death is painful to my heart. However, Abby makes it all okay with her innocence and sweetness and complete respect for Conner. She never imposes and she is so appreciative for anything she can call her own. I was able to get her back into First Baptist Preschool (creative learning center) and I am thankful for that. They are the absolute best and most considerate people. Also, I'm very close to disclosing the surprise announcement of my new business venture. I'm on a tightrope doing a client balancing act so its taking a little time-crap!!!I forgot to make the call! See, I could have found something out tonight and I forgot to call because I was at the laundry mat and ugh!!! We were at the laundry mat and Abby was playing games on the lap top. She looked cute and so smart for her tiny little self. I'm tired and I need to still fill out Abby's medicaid application so she can be covered. I better go to bed. Tomorrow is a busy and LLLLLOOOOONNNNNGGGG day. The nights are getting shorter and days are getting longer.

Name:

Sandee

Email:

Date:

August 28, 2002

Time:

09:06 AM

Comments

Gina,I read your entry and felt your pain. The anniversary dates are so difficult, along with other littel reminders of the babies we wanted to grow into adults and who never had a chance. When I was at Betsey's helping her unpack some of Conner's things I came across a baby book she had for Conner and when I opened it, it was empty except for his name and few very early entries. It made me very sad all over again to realize that we couldn't plan that future for him. As soon as we knew we were destined to lose him, all we could do was enjoy each day as much as possible and make him as happy and comfortable and special as he was. I'm sure all the families understand this feeling. For those people who wonder about heaven, we have to believe because we have to know those angels were not just here and gone. I know you feel Andrew with you as we all feel Conner with us every day. I'm thankful for the pictures and videos we have of his time on earth. Abby, you be sweet and give Aunt Betsey lots of hugs! Love, Grammy

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

August 30, 2002

Time:

12:25 AM

Comments

I am so glad that I get to tell the announcement thing I was talking about. I have secured the rental of a cute, brick house that sits at the end of our historic Savannah Avenue her in Statesboro to house-Conner's Place. Conner's Place will be a training center and the office building of Carlisle Consulting, L.L.C.-my company. The next announcement will be our grand opening! I'm so excited. I called it Conner's Place because Conner had that book, The Next Place-Kim Brannen and her family gave us that copy. I read it to Conner a lot and when Abby was with us-I ready it to the both of them. It gives a nice, easy description of heaven with beautiful, soothing pictures children can relate serenity to...anyway, Abby gets the name mixed up and she calls the "book about heaven," Conner's place. I thought that was sweet and sounded better than, The Conner Riggs Training Center. I would have never had the mindset to take the risks I've taken in the past few months without him. You almost have to be insane to take the risks I've taken but they are paying off. My baby is with me and he can live on through my work for others. I'm so proud of him. As far as the other cutie pie I know, she had gymnastics yesterday and cheerleading today. She loves her cheerleading. Her two older cousins do it, so she feels like she is not fully human until she is a cheerleader, too. I loved watching her. Abby is a natural! She's been over to the new (old) building and has decided how each room will be used. She calls the hallway the spider room. Hmmmmm. I think she wants them all to be playrooms. It actually used to be a nursery school. Alright, more later.

Name:

me mere

Email:

Date:

August 30, 2002

Time:

05:05 PM

Comments

Betsey- I love volunteering with the ladies and two gentlemen on Saturdays. It's truely a rewarding experience and I just love it!!! I was working on some charting the other day at clinical, when all of a sudden Conner came to mind. I couldn't hold back my tears... I just cried and cried. It was just that thought of 'Gosh- I miss our playtimes'and the sparkle in his eyes when Sparkles' would come and play. I went home after we finished at the hospital for the day and looked at his pictures over and over, which made me cry more. Sparkles hasn't gotten in costume since the last time I was with Conner. I'm almost hesitant about it but that is silly I know. Anyway- just wanted to let you know that I had spent some time on Conner's Memory Lane. Betsey- you are one strong, tough, admirable woman! I'm really glad things are falling in place for you. love love

Name:

Miss Lucie

Email:

Date:

August 31, 2002

Time:

09:14 AM

Comments

Dear Betsey, Look what you've done!!!!I'm so very proud to know you. I look forward to my next visit there to see the new factlities of your new business. Sounds like Abby's where she belongs. We all knew she would thrive in your care. By the way--yesterday at school, two little girls I had last year stopped me in the hall and ask about Miss Betsey. They were Kristiann and Caroline. Remember them? You and your family have touched so many lives and will continue to do so. Have a wonderful Labor Day holiday. Eat your vegetables and get your rest. Remember, you are loved. Miss Lucie

Name:

Sandee

Email:

Date:

September 01, 2002

Time:

08:30 AM

Comments

How could we forget Kristiann and Caroline and all of Miss Lucie's wonderful, special little people! They will always be a part of the time we had with Conner here on earth. Those children shared so much compassion and taught us to respect the loving nature of youth. You kids will always be in our hearts, right next to Conner. Bless your heart, Meredith. You and your alter ego are also a very important part of our time with Conner. The world needs more people like you. Your generosity and loving compassion overwhelm me. Betsey knows she can always depend on you. I hope you receive great rewards in return for all you do for others. I'm sure there are many who love you and appreciate your efforts. Sparkles is Special! Betsey and Brandon are at Six Flags. Abby is with her Nana and I'm getting ready for work, again. I'm looking forward to seeing "Conner's Place" up and running. What an exciting project.

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

September 02, 2002

Time:

07:49 PM

Comments

Kristiann and Caroline!!!! Hey, I hope you check Conner's page so you can see that we still think of you. I keep finding your pictures for Conner and Abby as I continue to unpack and unclutter. Of course, I am saving them all. Abby spent the weekend with grandmas, granddads,cousins, and daddy this long weekend. I went to Six Flags and White Water with Brandon, his cousins and extended family. We had a lot of fun. The rides were very scary-VERY scary. Nothing new, just trying to keep up with everything, manage everything, pay for everything. How stressful. I thrive on stress on though. The more I have to do, the more I get done, right? Thanks Miss Lucie, Meredith, Gina, momma, others, my loyal, dispersed friends------Su-Zak.-do you read this page? You must because you knew a lot of stuff about me. I got your stuff! I'll write ya back. Maybe I could actually take the time to post some pictures of the things I've been talking about lately. The dog and cat, Conner's Place, Brandon, Abby, my new (old) house.........the Alzheimer's Group-a.k.a. "The Cool Chicks and Gents."

Name:

Sandee

Email:

Date:

September 03, 2002

Time:

07:46 AM

Comments

Abby and I are heading down this morning. I'll be spending my whole time off on the road again, but I guess that's my life for now. It's a good thing I enjoy road trips. Abby enjoyed Jonah and Nathan and she cried when she had to leave Daddy, but she's ready to get back to school and cheerleading. We'll see ya later.

Name:

betsey

Email:

Date:

September 06, 2002

Time:

07:55 AM

Comments

just taking care of business and Abby and Copper and Little Debbie. Abby's awake!!! time for =9][['-that was debbie's typing. time for cinnamon rolls. Copper is yelping for attention. Things get going fast in the morning.

Name:

Sandee

Email:

Date:

September 06, 2002

Time:

06:20 PM

Comments

Enjoyed my short visit to Statesboro. Abby and I enjoyed "Grease", AGAIN. She's such a sweetie. That dog and cat, however, are another story. Pain in the ---. Copper takes alot punishment from Little Debbie. She's such a tease. I think she loves it when he's on the chain and she can get just out of his grasp and drive him crazy. Things seem to be going along well and fast in Betsey's business. The office building house, better known as "Conner's Place" should be shaping up soon and ready to house Carlisle Consulting. The future looks bright. Abby is thriving and we're all trying to be positive, sometimes in the face of negativity.

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

September 12, 2002

Time:

06:17 PM

Comments

I'm sitting in Conner's Place. I have my office in here now. I've been busy working and taking care of Abby and getting in this place and trying to keep working on my new house. I'm overwhelmed!!! But I'll get through it. I guess I'd be abnormal if I didn't feel overwhelmed. It's scary doing all this. What if I fail? But I CAN't fail. I won't fail. I just change plans-not fail! Go to plan B. So far, plan A is still working. Anyway, Abby is spending the weekend with her mom. She left this morning and was so happy to go with her mommy. I was happy for her. Sweet baby. She petted my leg yesterday while I was getting a tooth refilled. Bless her, she felt like I needed some comforting. She didn't realize my mouth was very anestheticized and I couldn't feel a thing. I wish I had had something like that when I had Conner. I already have Conner's picture on the mantle in the training room. It is a picture that Bonnie Johnson had taken of Conner and hand-tinted. It is beautiful. His eyes are a pretty green and his gums shiny. You feel like he's right there smiling at you-like you could just touch the picture and feel his soft skin. My precious baby doll. I miss him so much. He would think this is a neat place. Abby gets bored but I am going to have a play area for her when she gets back. She paints and colors but she really wants to play on the computer while we're on it. She's doing okay though. She's not adjusting as well as she did last time she was with me. She is adjusting but its not the same. She wants peace and harmony between her mom and me and her dad and her grammy. I can understand that and I will do my best to give her that-my part.

Name:

Grammy

Email:

Date:

September 16, 2002

Time:

05:06 PM

Comments

Peace and harmony are definitely do-able with us. As long as we know that Abby is safe and secure and not a part of drama and misery. She needs to be a carefree little girl so that she can grow up to be a capable woman who can handle her life no matter what she has to face. None of us have been promised a rose garden and we just have to plant the roses ourselves whereever we can find a little manure and there's just plenty of that to go around. Sooooooo. Keep pluggin' Baby girl. I hope you can recruit some folks who want to do the dirty work - painting and fixing up that office building - you really can't do it all yourself and I can't get down there for long at a time. I konw things will work out, but right now it's a little tight - with the time and the money. If anyone can make it work, you can. love you and I miss Conner, too.

Name:

betsey

Email:

Date:

September 18, 2002

Time:

03:54 PM

Comments

work,gymnastics for Abby, eat food, sleep, wake up, work, Abby stuff, eat, sleep. Now, i remember what a normal life is like.

Name:

Miss Lucie

Email:

Date:

September 18, 2002

Time:

06:29 PM

Comments

Dear Betsey, Hang in there!!! You can do it!! Eat your vegetables and get your rest.. Hug Abby for me! Remember, you are loved. Miss Lucie

Name:

Sparkles

Email:

Date:

September 23, 2002

Time:

12:07 AM

Comments

HEY EVERYONE!!!! I just wanted to let you know I visited Conner's Place for the first time on Saturday and it is really looking AWESOME!!!! Abby and I (and Cole) enjoyed playing hide and go seek and with balloon animals!!! Betsey is doing a really GRAND JOB on his training center!!!! Her house is looking pretty spiffy too. I hope everyone is having a GREAT BIG BEAUTIFUL DAY!! love love Sparkles

Name:

Sandee

Email:

Date:

September 23, 2002

Time:

09:20 AM

Comments

I wish I could get to Conner's Place and help with all that work Betsey and Abby are doing. How nice of Sparkles to visit. I know Abby was delighted. Things are working out for everyone, I believe. We can't give up when things get tough, just keep plugging. I'm going to see Jeff this morning and Gary and I are celebrating my birthday tonight with our friends, Lou and Diane. I'm looking forward to the day. All of children have called with birthday greetings and Gary gave me a little bear that sang "Happy Birthday". I'm sure Abby and Drew will enjoy that. It's sitting beside the bear that sings "My Girl". I won't disclose my age, but I'd better enjoy this year cause next year I'll be saying goodbye to this decade. Yiiiikes!

Name:

Sandee

Email:

Date:

September 27, 2002

Time:

07:41 AM

Comments

I'm sure Betsey has been too busy to write lately. Things are a little overwhelming right now. I know her business is going to be great and she will be able to fulfill her dreams and promises - to herself and to others. This is just a very busy time. Abby is doing well and adjusting more and more each day. Money is tight right now - for everyone, I suppose. It seems that finances will always be a challenge for us. But we are thankful for our good health. With Betsey's energy and vision, the money will follow. The office will soon be finished and she can settle down to satisfying her clients. Hopefully they'll be understanding during this period and hang in there with her. I enjoyed my visit with Lou and Diane last Monday night. I got to see Maria's wedding pictures. All the girls were beautiful, of course. Alison, how's the pregnancy going? Have you gotten over the "morning sickness" yet? It's a real pain in the a--, isn't it? Miss Lucie, how are the mountains? I miss them so much. I get as far as Cornelia once a week, but I haven't made it to Hiawassee in quite a while...maybe soon. "Sparkles" continues to be a godsend to Betsey. Thanks for all your help. You have such a giving heart!

Name:

betsey

Email:

betseycarlisle@yahoo.com

Date:

October 01, 2002

Time:

10:40 AM

Comments

I actually have a moment. Its been very busy. I got the center painted (paid someone a small fee)and the carpet up. I am excited. Now all I have to do is get the tables and chairs in and decorate a little. I want comfortable chairs. I hate going to trainings with hard butt chairs. After an hour, it hurts. Abby was in the parade yesterday.I got pictures. We were so proud of her. Brandon took us out to dinner to celebrate her parade walk. She was so tired last night. I finally got my bedroom in order. My house is looking much better inside. It has been so frustrating. These past few months seem like they have been harder than any I've faced yet. More worrying, more change, more decisions than ever. It seems like things are leveling off now, I hope. I'm trying. I am really trying to keep up with work and take care of everything else. I know I can do it. I just have to get used to doing all this stuff. Now that my office is set up and I have my desk and everything, it is easier to get things done. So, I better go so I can get things done!

Name:

Alison Teems

Email:

Date:

October 03, 2002

Time:

02:14 PM

Comments

Whoever deemed it "morning" sickness didn't know what they were talking about. I would call it "all day long for weeks on end" sickness. Fortunately, things are starting to look up. I actually have days I don't mind being alive. I am 15 and half weeks now, so hopefully the sickness will all be gone soon. Then I can travel to see Betsey's new places!

Name:

Miss Lucie

Email:

Lucimck@yahoo.com

Date:

October 14, 2002

Time:

09:04 PM

Comments

Hi Betsey, I hope you are well. Things must really be busy at the new place. How's Abby? Don't over do and get too tired. --Up here, the mornings are getting colder and the leaves are trying to turn. It will be getting real pretty soon. Take care--eat your vegetables and get lots of sleep. Remember you are loved. Miss Lucie

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

October 15, 2002

Time:

04:50 PM

Comments

Hey Miss Lucie! I missed you. I was thinking about you and the sweet kids. Abby is doing fine. She is my office manager. She answers the phone, "Carlisle Cun-sull-teeng." We are having our Ribbon Cutting and Reception of the opening of Carlisle Consulting, L.L.C. & Conner's Place Training Center on Oct. 25, 12 noon Chamber of Commerce ribbon cutting and reception,5 pm-whenever. I am sending invitations but anyone and everyone is invited. Dr. Perry is going to say an opening prayer for the ribbon cutting and that means a lot to me. John and family will be here, too. Conner's picture is on the mantle and he looks like an angel. Anyway, things were pretty tight there financially and most of my time was spent shuffling and borrowing and trying to work so I could bill some. I have caught my breath and things are more manageable and I am able to furnish the office now. Alison, I hope you are doing okay. I can't wait for you to be big and swollen so I can laugh at you. I hope your nose gets big like mine did. I am slowly adjusting to having a soon to be five year old in the house. Brandon's been great. Abby is totally in love with him and says she "adores" him. "No, Aunt Betsey! I really love him. I mean, I luuuuuvvvvv him!" It is cute. He put up a fence for Copper and finished the extra room. The floor looks so cool. We don't know what to do with the room now. The weekend we are having the ribbon cutting we are also celebrating Abby's birthday. I need to get out her invitations. We will have it here at the office and decorate it real pretty. Okay, talk later. I hope Conner's friends are doing okay and I know he's looking after all of you.

Name:

Grammy

Email:

Date:

October 16, 2002

Time:

08:30 AM

Comments

I guess change just has to come with life and I'm trying to be accepting of change. I may make some changes in my own life soon. Abby is sooo sweet and a joy in our lives. I'm looking forward to the opening and party. I miss the Riggs family and will be happy to see all of them. Betsey, my little survivor, sometimes I wonder where you got that strength, but them I remember that you're still just a little girl down deep inside and you need the people around you to continue to blossom and grow. Thankfully, you are surrounded with love and support. Rah, Rah, keep goin' you can do it!!! Unfortunately, you biggest problem right now is also mine, so I'm not much help there (MONEY).

Name:

Paul

Email:

pmoya@msn.com

Date:

October 17, 2002

Time:

02:53 PM

Comments

Hi Betsey, I haven't been on here in a while so I've spent the better part of an hour catching up with all that has been written. In case you don't remember, I'm a friend of Gina Fimbel. I was so happy to read that you got Abby! Also, contratulations on Conner's Place. I don't know what you do in your company or what Conner's Place is going to be but I wish you the best of luck in both ventures. It sounds like you are keeping very busy these days, which is a good thing. Well I just wanted to say Hi, let you know I still think of Conner and catch up with everything. Take care of yourself, Paul

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

October 19, 2002

Time:

02:14 PM

Comments

Hi Paul. Thanks for reading and writing. I've been pretty busy and I am just getting a breath. I am here at the office trying to get things cleaned and fixed and decorated and put together for the opening. I have a web page that sort of tries to explain what I do. I made it and it was hard describing the services in a professional manner. I am sure I will improve it as I think of the appropriate messages that need to be passed along for me to get business by referring people to the page. The web page is www.carlisleconsulting.org. Abby is a sweetie and keeps me laughing. She is just like her dad in her level of crudeness. gotta go!

Name:

Miss Lucie

Email:

Date:

October 21, 2002

Time:

06:28 PM

Comments

Dear Betsey, Good luck on the opening. I'm sure everything will go just GREAT!!! Tell everyone Hello! I sure wish I could be there. Remember you are loved. Miss Lucie

Name:

Maria

Email:

ree-a@palmtreedr.com

Date:

October 23, 2002

Time:

02:04 PM

Comments

Hey Betsey- I just had a momment to catch up on all that you, Abby, & Brandon have been up to. Wow, you are one amazing woman...but I always knew you were. I'm confident that your new venture will be a booming success!!! Enjoy every minute of it...you deserve it. If you have any pictures of Conner's Place Training Center I would love to see them :o)! Take care of yourself, stay rested, & don't forget to pamper yourself every now and then. Give Abby & Brandon hugs. Lots of love, M.

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

October 29, 2002

Time:

01:57 PM

Comments

Finally, a break! Today is Abby's "real" birthday. She is with my mom this week. The opening stuff and party were fun. I enjoyed it and I am excited about getting on with work. I have been so overwhelmed but things are falling into place. I promise to put pictures on the site! I will try to do it real quick right now.

Name:

Sparkles

Email:

Date:

October 29, 2002

Time:

09:40 PM

Comments

hApPy "rEaL" bIrThDaY!!!! I'm so glad that we got to play this weekend.(It was lots of fun.) I hope you are having fun at Grammy's.... and don't forget to eat lots of candy on Halloween. I know Sleeping Beauty will be the star of the tricker treaters. I wonder what I should be???? Hmmmmmmm.... love love sPaRkLeS

Name:

mommy, aunt

Email:

Date:

October 30, 2002

Time:

04:32 PM

Comments

Thanks Sparkles! We all enjoyed your clowing this weekend and your friends, Meredith and Anna. Abby's little friends are SOOOO CUTE!!!!! What about hitting that pinata(sp?)? They would lift the blindfold, hit, then put the blindfold back down, put it up, hit, pull it down. All they did for one solid hour was jump up and grab balloons and balloon strings. I start laughing just thinking about them. Look at the pictures of Conner's Place. I'll get more pics up of Abby's birthday in here and other events that happened. Oh, and those last pictures of Conner we had made at the church. I may be able to do that one right now. I'll try to send it to Laura since its saved on this computer. Thanks for caring, still. Betsey

Name:

Miss Lucie

Email:

Date:

October 30, 2002

Time:

06:58 PM

Comments

Dear Betsey, I just love the pictures of the Opening. I just knew it was going to be a success. I wish you "Good Luck" with this venture. I know you will do a wonderful job! Remember, you are loved. Miss Lucie

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

October 30, 2002

Time:

10:59 PM

Comments

I updated the www.carlisleconsulting.org page tonight to make it more professional and (personal) and more Halloweenish! It's cute. Please look! Thanks Miss Lucie. There is a cute picture of Conner close up on the "about us" page at the bottom.

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

November 01, 2002

Time:

02:16 PM

Comments

I was reading Mattie Stepanek's, "Heartsongs" poems last night and I cried until my eyes were stinging. When I read his stuff I think about what Conner must have been thinking. This boy has a lot in common with the treatments and suffering Conner endured. He writes about how hard the next day is after a night of poor breathing and heart irregularities and oxygen and nebulizing and being different and dying and his love for and from his mommy. One thing about whether Conner is here or in heaven, I still feel the same amount if not more love from him. If I forget any aspect of what it felt like when he was here, I put on a video and I see the look in his eyes when he looks at me (or John). It makes me want to have another baby when I see that kind of love but I know that a "normal" baby would never sit still long enough for me to notice it so obviously like it was with Conner. All you saw from Conner was love and funny, poor attempts at anger or sadness. And the pain-too much of that-so much of that that I don't wish he was here the way he was then but the way he is now. All the love and none of the pain! But I do wish I could hold him. But I couldn't then without it being hard for him. I wish God would let me hold him for a day and then let me give him back. Maybe I'll get lucky and dream about him tonight.

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

November 06, 2002

Time:

01:11 PM

Comments

Conner's last picture is on the photos page. He's with John, Uncle Daniel and Granddaddy. He did so well that night.

Name:

Betsey and Abby

Email:

Date:

November 14, 2002

Time:

08:25 PM

Comments

"Hey this is abby. I miss you very much but I just love you and I know you're in heaven. BUt you are very great and I love you and you're in heaven and you're very beautiful. That I'll miss you and you are special to the angels of course." She is so sweet!!!! I love the babies! Happy Birthday Lauren! Abby says its great for Conner to get in heaven and make choices.

Name:

Betsey and Abby

Email:

Date:

November 21, 2002

Time:

01:29 PM

Comments

Abby is going to be in a Thanksgiving program and she's going to be an Indian! Tomorrow she is going to a farm with her class. I want to go with her. Brandon is starting his house. I am very proud of him. I am working, working-although I don't feel like much gets done. Things are settled though and we are in a good routine. I feel so lucky to have the love of a sweet, beautiful little girl and a silly,handsome, nice guy. I would have never predicted that I would have a "family" so soon after losing one. Its really bizarre. Just over a year ago, I had a husband and a baby boy. Now, I have a boyfriend and a little girl. Actually, Brandon and I are getting married, informally, next month and probably have a ceremony thing in August. Since I've already been married before, its kinda weird. I feel like I need to tell my friends not to bother getting gifts. I have the first ones I still use. Its special but the marriage is really just a formality. Its good for us, good for Abby, good for future babes and we just decided since we want to stay together, just tie the knot. I don't want to make a big deal out of it, though. Gotta go.

Name:

Meredith

Email:

Date:

November 21, 2002

Time:

10:03 PM

Comments

Congratulations!!!!!! Betsey and Brandon and Abby- I'm really excited about ya'lls marriage and future home. I've really enjoyed "hanging out" and spending time with your family. Ya'lls strength and stamina is beyond most families capabilities. I'm confident that your future is full of success with all the hard work and sweat you give. love love me mere

Name:

"Aunt Betsey" or "fake mom" per Abby

Email:

Date:

November 27, 2002

Time:

12:11 PM

Comments

Meredith, are you kidding? I'm exhausted! Just kidding. No big deal. The trials of life continue, just not on a life/death basis day to day. Anyway, I am not too celebratory. I'm too busy trying to keep things going. Thanks Meredith for your help this week. You are an angel in clown's clothing.

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

November 30, 2002

Time:

06:26 PM

Comments

I've had lots of Conner thoughts lately. Maybe with the holidays coming.....I'm glad I have Abby to focus my needs on. She gets so many extra hugs and kisses. I say, "Abby, ya know what?" and she says, "I know, Aunt Betsey...you love me." Well, yes. I still miss my baby though. Abby said to me the other night that if I had another baby, I wouldn't "love her like a child." I always tell her I love her like my own child. The truth is I won't love anyone exactly the same as Conner but its no more or less-just different. I miss him so much. I wish it could get easier but it feels like its getting harder and harder to live without him. I feel like I didn't do everything he needed. I hate being cold because I think of Conner being cold and not being able to tell me or cover up. I have to remind myself that I thought of that then and I would constantly check him and tell the nurses to feel his thighs. I just can't bear the thought of him being cold or too hot for one second. This is just my current Conner obsession. I'm sure I'll get over it. I'm taking doors off the hinges at the office. I guess I'll get back to that. Brandon is working on his land getting it prepared to build the house. Abby is visiting Grammy and cousins. She is getting so big. She is a good girl and so sweet. However, she asks me loads of difficult questions about her mommy and daddy. Then when she gets done with them, the questions about Conner start coming. They're somewhat easier. The other day she asked me who made God. Any suggestions?

Name:

me mere

Email:

Date:

December 02, 2002

Time:

11:15 PM

Comments

It was so sweet seeing the the videos of Conner tonite. Thank You so much Betsey (and John even though he might not know yet)for allowing me to use Conner's videos for my project. I'm so thankful for having a topic that has an inspiration and purpose behind the what could be a boring project. But instead I'm excited about getting the word out about SMA and atleast allowing future nurses to hear of a disease that one day may help them with one of their patients. Conner keeps on touching lives and hearts. I know I felt a tingle in my heart tonite while we saw him in his clown hair and his waving to "Sparkles". me mere

Name:

Miss Lucie

Email:

Lucimck@yahoo.com

Date:

December 11, 2002

Time:

07:09 PM

Comments

Hi, Betsey, I'm so very happy you have someone to share your life with. I know you and Brandon will be very happy. I think of you so often. The kids still stop me in the hall to ask about you all. They really learned a valuable lesson through your sweet child. Thanks for including me in everything the past 2 years. You have been a joy!! Give Abby a hug and take care of yourself. Enjoy the holidays and remember, you are loved. Miss Lucie

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

December 11, 2002

Time:

09:47 PM

Comments

Thanks, Miss Lucie. I think of the kids so often. Oh, and Brandon and I are planning some kind of wedding in Sept. or late August. We're too lazy to do anything else any sooner. (not really lazy just preoccupied) I will write more later. lots of love and thanks. Betsey

Name:

John

Email:

Date:

December 14, 2002

Time:

01:52 AM

Comments

Hey Everybody, I know that I rarely write but I want all ya'll to know that I do check the site often and it warms my heart to hear the nice things ya'll write about Conner. I miss all of you and I enjoy hearing from you. And Gina, that was a beautiful poem in the FSMA magazine. I would like to see it printed on Andrew's and Conner's pages. Thanks to all of you for lifting my spirits even when you don't know you are. Love, John

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

December 16, 2002

Time:

09:31 AM

Comments

John, I wanted to do that, too. I can send it to Laura Stants who does our page and we can put it where the letter is or a new page. Gina's poem in the Directions sma newsletter-book describes exactly what my and I know, John's life feels like since Conner died. The thought of all the moms and dads feeling like that is very sad. John, you are very loved and everyone I see asks about you!

Name:

John

Email:

Date:

December 16, 2002

Time:

12:25 PM

Comments

Thank you, Betsey.

Name:

Email:

ginafimbel@yahoo.com

Date:

December 16, 2002

Time:

04:59 PM

Comments

Thank you John and Betsey for saying you like the poem. I wrote that when hearing of Conner's passing. I was so sad for you both and I wanted to just jump on a plane and come down there and I didn't know what to do. It was good to read your writing on here, John. I sent you an email a long time ago and I wondered how you were doing. I think about all of you all often and continue to keep you in my prayers. Love, Gina

Name:

John

Email:

johnriggs1789@hotmail.com

Date:

December 17, 2002

Time:

03:36 AM

Comments

Thank you, Gina. I'm very sorry if I didn't respond to your email a long time ago, I don't know what happened. I can always be reached through this site or my email. I'll try to respond either way, I promise. I do pretty good most of the time but the last month or so has been really hard and I don't know why. I think I focus on Conner and his suffering too much and not the good things like I should. I need to focus on others and work more. By the way, it's 3:30 AM and I'm working now. Thanks again to all of ya'll for the support and I hope I can return the favor. John

Name:

John

Email:

Date:

December 17, 2002

Time:

03:38 AM

Comments

Gina, did ya'll ever go see that preimplantation guy in Fairfax? The one we saw in Chicago in '01?

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

December 17, 2002

Time:

09:06 AM

Comments

It is very hard not think about the minutes and seconds, then lifetime that Conner had it hard. It keeps me up at night and distracted in the day. I think of Conner being cold in the tub when I would wash him in his bath chair before I started putting the heater in the bathroom. But John, remember when Conner would swim in the tub and squeal? Remember when he would call you? "daaaaaa-daaaaa!" He loved when you would sing the disney songs with him. I never did that. He didn't really like it if I did unless they were nursery rhymes. But he loved it when you sang with him. Remember when we'd talk to him or I'd read to him and he'd read along. Remember Conner's face when he saw the Christmas parade last year? You made us go. Conner loved you and you were a great daddy to him. I know you know that. Our identities are a little lost right now but you're always Conner's daddy! I was telling Brandon that what bothers me so bad, and I know it does you, too, John, is that thought before Conner died of not wanting to think of him as a child we used to have or a memory or just a picture or a video. That used to make me want to vomit when I would think of having to think of Conner as our dead son instead of our sweet,smiling, squealing, funny little boy. That is a hard one but the videos you have made for me, John, have helped me see how well we took care of him and what a angel he was and is! Talk soon...

Name:

Gina Fimbel

Email:

Date:

December 17, 2002

Time:

10:55 AM

Comments

There is absolutely no question how well you both took care of Conner. You took care of him exactly how he needed it and that was obvious to everyone. I've never seen any two people love a baby that much. You should be so proud of yourselves. John, I know what you mean about the bad memories. I often find myself focusing on that as well. I'll have these flashbacks of bad moments and it hits me like a ton of bricks. But I pray very hard that God will take away those moments and the bad memories will fade and the good ones will overcome. And most of the time they do. I just can't let my mind wonder off to those times. It's hard, very hard, and sometimes impossible, but I know in my heart that Booper wouldn't want me to do that. he gave me so much love and good things in my life and that's what we have to concentrate on to make it through. to concentrate on the good and try to spread the love that he gave us to others. Anyway, I will email you about the in vitro and other stuff. Take care everyone.

Name:

Miss Lucie

Email:

Date:

December 24, 2002

Time:

08:47 AM

Comments

Dear Betsey, I hope you and your family have a peaceful, safe and blessed Christmas. Much Love, Miss Lucie

Name:

Grammy

Email:

sangar@mindspring.com

Date:

December 28, 2002

Time:

12:43 PM

Comments

I'm back on line! I tried to catch up and read some back entries, but just have been crying so much, I'll have to repair my makeup. John, I love you and miss you, baby. Betsey, I know how you feel and eventhough we can't talk about it much, well, I feel it, too. You too were without a doubt the best of parents and you will be again. Conner was the sweetest of angels and that smile and those eyes are always in our hearts. The love he left behind is everywhere, especially with both of you. John, I hope to see you soon. You know you Riggs boys are always welcome in my home. Love ya, Grammy

Name:

meredith

Email:

elizamere@yahoo.com

Date:

December 31, 2002

Time:

12:26 AM

Comments

Grammy- it is so good to see a message from you!!!! Just to brag on Conner- he( and Betsey by letting me use their videos and pictures) helped me with my BIG project for one of my med-surg classes to get an A+!! (that I was really needing)It was a presentation and report on any disease/illness and so I chose SMA Type 1. I even made up a crossword puzzle and Conner's name was one of the words that had to be found. Thank You Thank You Thank You Betsey and John for being so open to me sharing Conner's story. ** I hope everyone has a Happily Safe New Years!!!! love love me meredith

Name:

Email:

ginafimbel@yahoo.com

Date:

December 31, 2002

Time:

01:18 PM

Comments

Betsey, Can you send me your home address? I"m sending out a Toybox mailing and wanted to include you. I hope your Christmas was okay, I thought about you and Conner. Love Gina

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

January 06, 2003

Time:

12:40 PM

Comments

Hope Christmases and New Years' were nice and good. Gina, I emailed ya, let me know if you didn't get it. Abby and her friend Madisyne (Mere's niece) are playing in the training room while I work. I love it when she has company. I get so much more done. Nothing new here, just trying to keep up like normal people. I miss baby, though, all the time. Abby was talking about Conner yesterday. I heard her telling Brandon that she used to read books to him and he could say, "uh-huh" and "uh-uh." She is so sweet. Okay, they are bugging me, now. They want to show me everything, tell me everything, get my opinion on everything. How funny. Gotta work and tell them to GO PLAY!

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

January 08, 2003

Time:

10:22 AM

Comments

Things are fine. Abby goes to work with me on Saturdays sometimes and she is so cute with the participants. Sat. is the Silver Lining Club-the Alheimer's/dementia group. She calls the entire group and the First Presbyterian Church itself, "The Alzheimers." She is a good little caretaker but she has more fun than she does work. The other day she was getting bored at the office and started pouting and saying, "I want to go to the Alheimers." What a precious sweet pea. About being with me, she says she hates me about it but loves me. Its okay, "it" isn't about me, so...I just squeeze her tighter and kiss her soft little round cheek.

Name:

Grammy

Email:

Date:

January 10, 2003

Time:

08:33 AM

Comments

I don't know if my computer will hold out, but I'll try to jot a quick message. Betsey is in Atlanta at a training. Abby is snuggled in my bed sleeping late after keeping Betsey and me awake for hours last night because she wasn't sleepy. We'll catch up later. Gary had surgery this week and moving kind of slowly but will have Abby to keep him company for a while today, while I work. I'm back to my short schedule and wanting to do some painting, but things seem to get in the way. Everyone is fine and we got great news over the holidays - a new baby for Billy and Shannon around August. We're hoping for Pop Pop's birthday - Aug. 27. Pray for a healthy little one - boy or girl doesn't matter. They have one of each and they're both so unique and special. Love to all the SMA families out there. I think of you all and say prayers for our angels. They are always in our hearts and minds.

Name:

John

Email:

Date:

January 13, 2003

Time:

10:52 PM

Comments

Hey, Ya'll, What happened to Gary? I hope he's OK. Tell him I asked and I'm very excited for Shannon and Billy. I hope ya'll are doin' OK. I heard Shannon was sick for a little while. I'm doin' OK. I miss all Ya'll.

Name:

Alexandria Bell Suber

Email:

alexsub@yahoo.com

Date:

January 15, 2003

Time:

12:49 PM

Comments

Hello, I want you to know that my daughter passed with SMA march 22 2002. She is an angel. My angel was eleven years old when she passed. I am not writing to make you sad, just to let you know if you dont know already that God loves you and Conner. He is able to do anything. He could have called her home when I was not ready, he heard my prayers and took her when he knew that he had prepared my heart. My heart is very sorrwful and is in a tremendous amount of pain, but I know that my Father in heaven is in total control, and I am going to continue to do his will. Hold on to Our Fathers hand and he will never let you and Conner. I promise, I know for a fact. He is so beautiful. I love you both and may yall contine to be happy.

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

January 15, 2003

Time:

11:27 PM

Comments

Alexandria, thank you for writing. I appreciate your writing here on Conner's page and offering your thoughts and love. We know your pain. I am tired and cranky and I'm just remembering now how lucky I was to have Conner for the time I had him. I know all the sma parents must feel that way and feel like they gave birth to angels.

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

January 20, 2003

Time:

05:09 PM

Comments

I had a bad day yesterday-nothing significant-I just felt crazy. I'd be irritated one second and fine the next. Now I have a headache. The diagnosis seems obvious-being a female, but it doesn't make it any easier! Anyway, I had a bad day yesterday and Irene called me last night and told me she had dreams of Conner telling her to take care of mommy. She said he looked so handsome. How sweet. Just the thought of his "presence" makes me smile. Irene's connection with Conner is so very sweet. I wish I could have a sweet dream with him. I watched videos of Conner the other day and I didn't cry. I usually cry all the way through. He kept me smiling. He was saying, "AAAAAAAAA!!" and it looked like he was trying to say, mommy, and nigh-nigh. What a sweet pea. I just don't want him back though. Watching the video reminds me how tortuous it was to have to lay there and not move anything when he was wanting to so badly. In one video, he was getting a hair cut and he started fussing because it was interfering with his watching Toy Story. He was squinching his face and making short squeal sounds. Awe...Well, we took Abby skating yesterday. She loves it. She skated for 2 hours straight. She'd fall and get right back up and keep going. She got faster and faster. She's still feisty.

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

January 21, 2003

Time:

01:11 PM

Comments

2 sane days down and hopefully more to go. I am trying to work on my regular stuff and get some trainings going. That will really be good if I can just start offering things!!! Making every little transition is so hard to me. Its not like I'm comfortable without it though. I am in a constant state of transition. Yep, that's me. Anyway, gotta go and take care of Abby, work and me. Its my privilege. And bad news. Shannon and Billy aren't having the baby. They lost another one. It is very sad because we all love the kids so much. The thought of another one in the mix gets so exciting. I am so sorry. Its got to leave a scar on Shannon's heart.

Name:

meredith

Email:

Date:

January 21, 2003

Time:

04:45 PM

Comments

Hey! Today was my first day in Labor and Delivery (Evans County)for my clinical rotation. Although we didn't have any babies born or even potential babies born, I did think about Conner. One of the L/D nurses' son (7 months) came to visit her and his name was Conner. He had a heart defect when he was born and went to Egleston for his surgery. Anyway- we watched as they did an ultrasound of his heart to check the aorta. (bla bla bla) I thought it was kind of cool though to meet another little Conner boy. It made me travel down Conner's Memory Lane. (atleast I had something to do with my time) me meredith

Name:

betsey

Email:

Date:

January 22, 2003

Time:

11:16 PM

Comments

Oh Meredith, you are in the right professional training. I live on Conner Memory Lane. Everything I see, hear, smell keeps me here. I was reading some of the other sma pages earlier. Abby wanted to see their pictures. I was reading the information that is on the front page of the "oursmaangels" page and she was so sweet and interested. Anyway, in reading the moms entries, especially Debbie, Payton's mom, I could have written the paragraphs myself. I remember exactly what she's going through. At least the confusion about having to see Conner suffer and not being able to do anything to fix it is over. At least not knowing when or how he'd go is not consuming me anymore. I am trying not to let anything "consume" me. Anyway, I am glad that Conner is smiling, talking, running, whole and happy and playing. I'm glad Connie gets to have her baby-her special baby. Okay, gotta go. Lots to do tonight and tomorrow.

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

January 23, 2003

Time:

07:54 AM

Comments

it's cold!!! Abby is so excited to go to her friend, Anna's. Anna has dresses at her house, Abby says. She is fighting a runny nose. I kept her home yesterday to baby her so she'd feel good today and not be worn and stuffy. She seemed pretty good last night. We are crossing our fingers for no infections! I guess I better go wake her and get her ready for school. What a sweetie. Sweet babes. Good hugs.

Name:

Miss Lucie

Email:

Date:

January 23, 2003

Time:

10:03 PM

Comments

Dear Betsey, I thought I would check-in with you. I was remembering this time last year. We have missed an entire week of school due to snow. Now it is only 3 above 0. I think of you often and the connection to the little "southern" town. I still run into the kids from last year in the hall. Every day a different student still ask about Miss Betsey and Mr. John. There is so much that they learned from your family. You have a lot to be happy about. I also know Connie and Conner are having a wonderful time together. Take care of yourself. Remember, you are loved. Miss Lucie

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

January 26, 2003

Time:

11:49 PM

Comments

Thanks Miss Lucie. Please tell the sweeties, hello, for me. I will never forget them!

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

January 27, 2003

Time:

09:56 AM

Comments

Happy Birthday, Maria! I hope you had a nice Birthday. We're getting old! I'll get in touch and find out what y'all did.

Name:

Betsey

Email:

betseycarlisle@yahoo.com

Date:

January 29, 2003

Time:

11:52 PM

Comments

Meredith came over tonight to watch the Batchelorette with me tonight. Brandon doesn't get it. Today was a good day. I can't stop thinking of my baby today. I think of him saying, "uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh" when I used to do sit-ups in his room. We were talking about it and thought maybe he was counting! I was also thinking about when I used to say, "zip-it!" when he was a crying baby and he'd start laughing at me. He'd cry when he was a baby and I'd stop singing or start his treatment. Those were the really early days of his sickness. Anyway, I've had lots of thoughts of his sweet smile today. lots of good feelings about my baby...I feel like he's visiting with me! A little more work then I'm going to sleep!

Name:

betsey

Email:

Date:

January 30, 2003

Time:

08:17 AM

Comments

I think I spelled Bachelorette wrong. Anyway, gotta go. Abby says, hey conner, we are happy. you're the and the prettiest one. and you're the angel of the whole sky,from everything. to you, conner.

Name:

Maria

Email:

ree-a@palmtreedr.com

Date:

January 30, 2003

Time:

11:21 AM

Comments

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BETSEY!!! I know...I can't believe we are getting so old either. Remember those two guys that lived next to us on Brownlee. I used to think they were SO OLD and they were only 27 when they moved in- YIKES!!! Well, I hope you have a wonderful birthday and get spoiled all day long...or probably week long if I know Brandon :). Hope to see you again soon. Love, Maria

Name:

Grammy

Email:

Date:

February 02, 2003

Time:

05:59 PM

Comments

Betsey, Brandon and crying Abby just left for Statesboro after a nice little visit with us and Mammaw and PopPop and Lauren and Drew and Shannon and Jeff. Abby didn't want to leave her Daddy, but she was very tired and fell asleep before they could go one mile. I wish she could understand that we are so available to her - we will all be together as often as we can arrange it and that is pretty often. Betsey needs as much help and input as she can get from the rest of the family and we're here to give it. How are my Riggs boys doing? I miss you guys and want to see you whenever I can. I miss my little Conner also. I think of him sometimes and feel happy and sad at the same time...happy to have had him in my life and sad that he is gone from this place. Even knowing that he's in what I hope is a better place. I wish I could have the wonderful strength of faith that others seem to have. I try, but I am so very human. The best I can do is "acceptance."

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

February 03, 2003

Time:

09:56 AM

Comments

Little Miss Abby is fine. She is an accomplished drama queen at that drama queen age of 5. The bad thing is that she has a lot of legitimate drama queen material to draw from. Okay, things fine here. Gotta work. Oh, we went to Alison's baby shower and I got to feel the baby move around! And Alison,you are not even fat. You are pleasantly baby plump. All you pregnanters looked great, Christa and Jamie...Exciting. Okay, gotta go.Betsey.

Name:

Mommy, aunt

Email:

Date:

February 04, 2003

Time:

05:02 PM

Comments

Abby started her dance class today! She loved it, of course. She is so little girlish. Conner, are you proud of your silly cousin? We're proud of you, babe. Thanks for looking after us!...Mommy

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

February 07, 2003

Time:

06:40 PM

Comments

We are going to Brandon's cousin's rehearsal dinner tonight and the wedding tomorrow. Abby will enjoy the "fairy-tale-ness" of it, I'm sure. Well, Conner's Place Training Room is now a Certified Anger Management Center and Provider for Statesboro, Bulloch County and surrounding counties who need it. I am hoping to do a lot of trainings. We all need it, huh?

Name:

John

Email:

johnriggs1789@hotmail.com

Date:

February 10, 2003

Time:

12:31 AM

Comments

Hey Everybody, Grammy, the Riggs boys are doin' OK. Jim, Julie, Jim IV and their enormous English Sheepdog puppy are building a house and they've sold their other house already so guess where they live now until the house is complete? That's right! At 106 Kensington Mews! But we are all happy to be here for the time being. We just need Daniel to move back in, but he has better sense than that. I really don't have anything to comment on except that I miss Conner a whole lot. Gina, I haven't forgot you. I still owe you an Email. Tara, I have that CD I promised. Grammy, Betsey, Meredith, Miss Lucie, Mandy, Tara and Gina and everyone else: I always enjoy hearing from ya'll. Whose goin' to the SMA Dance and Auction?

Name:

John

Email:

Date:

February 10, 2003

Time:

12:35 AM

Comments

And Miss Lucie, please tell all the kids who ask (or don't) that all our lives are better and more enriched because of their concern and compassion for Conner and his family.

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

February 11, 2003

Time:

09:51 PM

Comments

Congratulations, Miss Lucie on Teacher of the Year. We know you're the teacher of a lifetime! You look beautiful in your newspaper picture at www.thenewsobserver.com. Sorry, I had to share with our friends what a special person you are. Lots of love and gratitude to you.

Name:

Cousin Lauren

Email:

Date:

February 13, 2003

Time:

09:06 PM

Comments

Happy Valentines Day, Conner! You know that I love you and you are the most important person in my life.My whole class from this year and last year know about you and care about you, and so do I, but you knew that of course. Like I've said about a zillion times before, I love you.I miss you and wish that I could see you again. I'm actually crying at this exact moment because I miss you. I love you. Love a ton, Cousin Lauren

Name:

Grammy

Email:

Date:

February 15, 2003

Time:

07:55 AM

Comments

Well, there's so much going on. Lauren and Drew are hanging out here with Grandaddy and me. Jeff is helping with them (sometimes it's help, sometimes it's Drew screaming because Jeff is beating him at the computer game). Anyway, Billy and Shannon are in Buffalo NY skiing.(What's wrong with N.C.?) They will be back Sunday. Abby is visiting with her mother in Cleveland at her Nana's house. We'll get her Sunday also. I'll let Betsey write her news. But I will say that I am very happy for her and hope for a great future. To my Riggs' boys (and Julie) I miss you guys. Julie, when you get into the new house, do you plan to "expand the family" as well? There can't be too many Riggs' in the world. Conner has been sending us some strange messages lately - with the toys and things that go off and the songs that pop up on the radio at just the right time. Does he do that to you guys, too? Or do we just have active imaginations? His little pictures are all over the place and reminders of him all the time. Love to you all. Congratulations, Lucie. You are such a superb teacher.

Name:

Cousin Lauren and Cousin Abby

Email:

Date:

February 16, 2003

Time:

12:46 PM

Comments

THIS PART IS FROM ABBY: Hey.This is how we miss ya.We're the only ones we forgive. Conner, you are the best.I know that you love the family up there so I am the only one you forgive about, right? THIS PART IS FROM LAUREN: Well, I have no clue what Abby just said meant. Kinda wierd, but hey, she's only 5.(I typed.She talked).

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

February 18, 2003

Time:

10:23 AM

Comments

I love my babies. Y'all are so cute!!!! And Drew, .....I was loving on him and he was actually letting me rub his back and kiss his cheeks..when I told him how much I loved my sweet nephew, he popped his head up and said, "whatEVER." Oh my gosh, I've taught him well. I love you all and my baby Conner. Kids are so cute!!!!!!! Well, Brandon and I eloped, sort of. We went to the court house and got married. We didn't want to make a big deal because planning breeds discontent. Gotta go perpetuate successful business activity to prevent starvation..---I hear ya, Conner, loud and clear.

Name:

Debbie

Email:

Date:

February 19, 2003

Time:

11:04 AM

Comments

HI BETSEY!! I have not been here in a while but I just saw Maria last night at our board meeting for Paytons Pals (very exciting stuff:)) AND she told me that you got married!! CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU AND BRANDON!! I wish you all the happiness that you can handle--you deserve to find so much of that!! I think about you and Conner all the time.. After going through this for almost 3 years now, I know that heartache is just a part of our lives(all of us sma parents) and it runs deep. I know you are smart and strong and I hope you have found/find peace. I look at things ONE DAY AT A TIME NOW-- I guess trying to take it all in, knowing how fast things can and will change. Love to you Betsey (& John & Conner too!) Debbie

Name:

betsey

Email:

Date:

February 21, 2003

Time:

10:31 AM

Comments

thanks Debbie. I'll be keeping up with you. Good luck with your effort. Payton has done wonders with you, hasn't he?

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

February 25, 2003

Time:

05:32 PM

Comments

Well, Conner's Place is evolving. Things are evolving in a good way. I think there is an angel hovering around, circling his magic wand over my worn, torn and tattered world contemplating his next, "poof!" It makes Conner seem like a witch...no, like a fairy...oops, no like an...angel with magic powers. Anyway, life's daily difficulties are a pleasure as long as I can plan a happy future. Abby's as funny as she can be. She saw a fire fire(fire fighter) today at school. And she will "reNember" what to do when there's a fire. Gotta work a little more today and go. Abby's in there laughing at cartoons.

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

March 03, 2003

Time:

03:16 PM

Comments

We went to the SMA benefit, this year called, "Halo's and Hope." It was very touching and the video was dedicated to a little girl named Brianna who died this past year, too. It was also dedicated to Conner. They showed sweet pictures of the kids and Conner. Then I dreamed about him. That was nice. Gotta get back to work. I'm thinking of my sweetie.

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

March 09, 2003

Time:

12:42 PM

Comments

I've been dreaming of Conner and babies. I miss you, Conner! I feel your presence baby and I know you hear me talking to ya! love, love

Name:

Grammy

Email:

Date:

March 10, 2003

Time:

08:00 AM

Comments

I miss you, too, little guy. Abby drew a sweet picture of you a couple of days ago. It was you lying on your side with your curly hair. She said it was "a baby saying ahahahah". We all knew who that baby was. You were our brief shining star, who will always be near when we need to remember unconditional love.

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

March 11, 2003

Time:

05:57 PM

Comments

I am working on getting my "Conner's Place" sign. I am so excited. They are expensive so I will save a little bit and then put in the order. I am so proud of my baby doll for inspiring me and others to try. I'm trying and trying. And Abby baby is so sweet and growing and a focus of my aggravation-just kidding-my attention. She has bugged me all day at work. I had to tell her if she asked me about the ariel game one more time I would spank her butt. I told her she was going to daycare if she didn't let me work. Abby wasn't rattled by my hollow threats. She changed her wording and said, "Okay, I'm not asking about the ariel game but when are you getting off the computer?" AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! Anyway, we decided we'd go home tonight and have a dance party. Brandon's out of town, so we're gonna do girl things. I have to go though so she can get on here and play her ARIEL GAME!!!!!

Name:

Email:

Date:

March 12, 2003

Time:

07:37 PM

Comments

It was such a "picture perfect" sight watching Betsey and Abby outside Conner's Place trying to fly their kites. They looked like two kids having the best time playing outside on such a beautiful afternoon. School for me is coming to a rapid end and I keep telling Betsey how scared I am about finishing and actually having to get a "foreal" job. (or making a "foreal mistake") And somehow she was comparing nursing to cars and their insurance. Anyway- she has been very reassuring and I appreciate her so much. Miss Lucy- how is your school year going?? love love me mere

Name:

betsey

Email:

Date:

March 13, 2003

Time:

10:26 AM

Comments

Meredith, you're so sweet. We luuuuvvvv you! Hey, you wanna party tonight??? I actually don't know what that means to us, sitting at my house watching TV?????-and me not working on the laptop...ooo-don't think I can do it, I must work. Any good reality shows tonight? Let me know. Anyway, ALISON HAD HER BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!! And its a baby boy. I wonder if he was playing with Conner before his soul entered her tummy. hmmmmmm, I'll have to ask him. I can't wait to see him. She said he has blond fuzz on his head. I'm so excited, I feel like I've had a baby! Well, not really but sort of. Okay, I have to work. I have to find out exactly what the baby's name is. She told me a name before he was born-if it was a boy-but I don't know what the verdict was. I LOVE BABIES!!!!

Name:

betsey

Email:

Date:

March 18, 2003

Time:

01:39 PM

Comments

I dreamed Conner was alive but I wasn't taking care of him. I mean I was working and living this life and Conner was still alive living somewhere else-with John and his family. I remember feeling awful and wondering what I was doing not having him living with me. I think I had that dream because yesterday I was saying that I wanted to see the twins, Cassidy and Skylar, in Richmond Hill. They are so precious and its been so long since I visited. Alison's baby, Carson Allen Teems, is absolutely adorable. I loved holding him. He is tiny. talk soon.

Name:

Email:

Date:

March 20, 2003

Time:

08:36 PM

Comments

Hi, Betsey, Sounds like things are going swell for you. Keep hanging in there. I'm glad Abby is happy and thriving. Again, I am doing my best to let my childen know that they are safe and I'll take care of them. It only seems like yesterday that I had to explain 9-11 to another class. And now this!!! Anyway school is some normal place we can stay in a routine and try to continue on with the everyday events. I hope you are well. Thanks, Meridith for asking about school. I am very proud of you finishing your classes. Pat yourself on the back. Betsey, take care and eat your vegetables. Pray and remember, you are loved. Miss Lucie

Name:

Grammy (Sandee)

Email:

sangar@mindspring.com

Date:

March 22, 2003

Time:

05:08 PM

Comments

I had a couple of days with Betsey and Abby in Statesboro last week and then back to my boring life. Well, it's not really boring - I started another painting and I'm ready to do more - I get very inspired when I sit in front of the canvas. Jeff is in Delray Beach, Fl. and doing well. I'm trying to get in touch with Tracy Walker Smith, so if you ever read this, Tracy, please call me. I've lost all my old computer information with your phone number and all your info. I do remember Shoes for Crews, but your emails keep coming back. I'd love to know how little Ben is doing and you and your husband. If we go down to see Jeff, I will definitely track you down. I'm very hopeful that this will be the area where Jeff finds success in his recovery. I miss you Riggs' guys and all of Connie's friends and family. I hope we can be together soon...miss my "little man", too.

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

March 23, 2003

Time:

07:34 PM

Comments

Oh yes, the war stuff is hard to explain to Abby. I know some would say you don't have to explain but, of course I do! She's living it like everyone else. She hears and see the stuff on every channel and hears me talking about things. I just told her to pray for the soldiers and their families, and that's what we could do for our country. Unfortunately, its a difficult lesson in developing patriotism in our kids. Mom, I miss Conner, too. Conner, I miss you, baby! love, love. Abby and I talk about our "missing" loved ones on a daily basis-she with her beloved mommy and daddy, I with my beloved son. We cried together last night until we started laughing at each other crying.

Name:

Betsey-Mommy-Aunt-wife

Email:

Date:

March 28, 2003

Time:

01:59 PM

Comments

Been Busy. Conner's on my mind...especially, since his April 19th date is coming up. I think I'll be fine, though. I'll feel a little closer to him that day and feeling closer is a gift!

Name:

betsey

Email:

Date:

April 04, 2003

Time:

11:10 AM

Comments

I love you Conner. Thanks for my messages. They are comforting. You make me laugh and smile. God must share your sense of humor or you his. I love you for sharing enough with me when you were alive that I can interpret natural occurrences (or fateful events) as our special conversations. Even though your sick, little, fragile body isn't here-I know your soul is right here with me every move I make. I know it. I can hear you laughing right now when I used to tell you you had a fat butt (of course, you didn't!) I bet you laugh like that every time you make those toys go off or play the Tarzan song or make the phone ring (Meredith, wasn't that funny???!!!) I love you baby and I'm going to starve if I don't get back to work and make some money!!! I love you and I am remembering you with smiles and happy tears. I am glad you are comfortable and able to fly around and spend time with your angelic grandmommy, Connie. love, love-talk to me soon...mommy

Name:

Grammy

Email:

Date:

April 06, 2003

Time:

08:53 AM

Comments

I have my three little "earth" angels here and my little angel in heaven must be hovering aroung because Lauren and Abby have been talking about him and watching the video of his funeral. They like feeling that he is near. Abby hasn't really grasped eternity, yet, but Lauren knows what forever means. Drew just laughs and repeats whatever the girls say. He still remembers Conner, but he didn't really understand that Conner was his age. He always thought he was a "baby". We do miss your bodily presence - but we know how selfish that is. You are in that much better, freer place where love is just everywhere and no one has to worry about money or work or pain or loss. I guess we should try to enjoy this life and not worry - just go about our business loving and working and paying the bills. Betsey is really doing better than I can imagine anyone doing. She's a true survivor and I won't let her starve, I promise.

Name:

Debbie

Email:

Date:

April 07, 2003

Time:

11:49 AM

Comments

Hi Betsey! I am catching up on your journal~~ and I noticed you mentioned the "tarzan song" Are you talking about the beginning song?? It is so funny if you are because EVERY TIME I hear that song I am brought to tears! It is SUCH a MOMMY song!! AND, furthermore, Tarzan has always been "mommys favorite" because of that song!! Too funny... How is work? Married life?? I hope all is well with you, and Abby and your family too... I read that Jeff is in Delray Beach? Is that your brother? Ya know that Delray is 10 minutes from us right? I will ask Maria to talk to you or him and see if he would like to come to our benefit in June! Well, I better get ready for work, talk soon. Love, Deb

Name:

Debbie

Email:

Date:

April 07, 2003

Time:

11:49 AM

Comments

Hi Betsey! I am catching up on your journal~~ and I noticed you mentioned the "tarzan song" Are you talking about the beginning song?? It is so funny if you are because EVERY TIME I hear that song I am brought to tears! It is SUCH a MOMMY song!! AND, furthermore, Tarzan has always been "mommys favorite" because of that song!! Too funny... How is work? Married life?? I hope all is well with you, and Abby and your family too... I read that Jeff is in Delray Beach? Is that your brother? Ya know that Delray is 10 minutes from us right? I will ask Maria to talk to you or him and see if he would like to come to our benefit in June! Well, I better get ready for work, talk soon. Love, Deb

Name:

betsey

Email:

Date:

April 09, 2003

Time:

04:45 PM

Comments

Yes, Tarzan was one of Conner's last favorite movies. Atlantis was his last favorite movie and Tarzan was before that. That is definately a mommy song. I feel like Conner's looking out for me now the way I used to care for him. I'm the inadequate one now. About Jeff, I think he would love to go to the benefit. I don't think Maria knows or knew he was down there. Well, I'm not sure Jeff knows how close he is to my friends. Maybe he does. I hope he will do well and be healthy. Talk soon!

Name:

betsey

Email:

Date:

April 09, 2003

Time:

04:45 PM

Comments

Yes, Tarzan was one of Conner's last favorite movies. Atlantis was his last favorite movie and Tarzan was before that. That is definately a mommy song. I feel like Conner's looking out for me now the way I used to care for him. I'm the inadequate one now. About Jeff, I think he would love to go to the benefit. I don't think Maria knows or knew he was down there. Well, I'm not sure Jeff knows how close he is to my friends. Maybe he does. I hope he will do well and be healthy. Talk soon!

Name:

me meredith

Email:

Date:

April 09, 2003

Time:

11:45 PM

Comments

How GRAND is Conner's sweetness!!!!(I'm saying that in a statement although it sounds like a question it is not.)I've had a very trying trying evening and he just played me a song on one of his toys!! (Which toy.... mmm I could not find it and yes I know all the batteries got taken out but he played one of them anyway)Just looking at his pictures reminds me that they are true angels here on earth. I'm encouraged by his sweetness and his family's dedication. Thank You Conner!! I needed that song tonite. love love me mere

Name:

betsey

Email:

Date:

April 10, 2003

Time:

09:28 PM

Comments

he is so very grand...Meredith, by the time you read this, your legs will be so sore, you will hardly be able to walk!

Name:

Kathy Cowan, mommy to SMA angel Charlie

Email:

jeffcowan@attbi.com

Date:

April 10, 2003

Time:

09:56 PM

Comments

I just wanted you to know that I still check in on you every once and a while. You are such an inspiration. Conner must be very proud of his mommy. I know you'll be having a few rough days as that Angel Day approaches, but you have a very, very positive attitude. That's your little guy shining through you. I will be sending you strength, and thinking fondly of your Conner. God Bless you and your family. Especially that Grammy! You write very inspirational messages! Kathy and my sweet angel who plays catch with Conner in heaven, Charlie Cowan www.caringbridge.org/mn/charlie

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

April 11, 2003

Time:

04:32 PM

Comments

Charlie looks like a little man in his pictures on his site! Oh, Conner playing catch makes me smile! Grammy is a survivor and has taught me that and given me a great big dose of stubborness. Right, mom? Thanks so much for your encouragement. I know you know how hard it is to think about anything else-paying bills, waking up, going to sleep, working, breathing, facing each person each day-when all you want to do is sit and think about the baby or hold the baby or see the smile or cry or do whatever to keep the baby on the mind and close. But, it must be done. And we, us moms, are doing it. And to be patted on the back for that by someone who knows the feeling and bad lingering feelings is something that makes me proud of myself.I do appreciate all the support I get and know it would be impossible without it!!!!!! Thanks. I am always thinking of Conner's friends, here and in heaven. I was looking at Charlie's picture on his site and Conner's on the wall beside the computer and thinking of them playing catch after reading your entry!

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

April 14, 2003

Time:

12:35 PM

Comments

"First year of business" tax season is OVER! I am so relieved. Now, record keeping continues for next year. I did pretty good, but I'll be really organized next year! Anyway, I brought Copper to work with me and he just vomited all over the floor! I've already cleaned it up but oh my gosh!!!!!!!!!!!gross! I think he ate a lot of grass when he went out to play and it made him sick. He's being pretty good as he gets older. He LOVES Meredith! Right when we got here today, he ran straight to her room. He just stood there looking around for her, expecting her presence. Okay, like I don't have work to do. Conner baby, I love you and I can't stop thinking about you. I know you are well and I know you are hugging and kissing me. I know you are laughing at this silly dog! love, love, mommy.

Name:

Grammy

Email:

Date:

April 16, 2003

Time:

08:04 AM

Comments

Without going into detail, it's been a tough week. Today things are looking up again and I started the day reading about some of the other families who have been touched (or should I say strongly impacted) by SMA. The feelings and thoughts of each of these people for their angels is the same as ours for our angel baby, Conner. And yet, the experience is unique to each of us. And the children, while all angels, each has his own personality and gift and each delivers a message to the world and his/her parents and family and friends that is individual and deep and strong. Conner died (I tried to use another word, but that's what happened). It's been almost a year. But it could be today when I allow the pain to enter my heart. I talk to him, as we all do, and I think of him every day. But losing him and knowing he won't be back just plain hurts. This disease - Spinal Muscular Atrophy just stinks! Babies aren't supposed to be born so perfect and so beautiful only to be robbed of a future by such a heinous affliction. There WILL be a cure and I believe it will come in my lifetime (though I'm getting pretty old). I know I'm "rambling" as we do on this web page, but just wanted to say, "hey, little man, I sure do miss that sweet face and those big eyes with that longing look. We wanted to give you so much and you were the one who gave so much to us. So remember, Grammy loves you..."

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

April 16, 2003

Time:

10:17 AM

Comments

Maybe Conner's lingering with the rest of the group over Jeff's shoulder. If staying on earth is Jeff's fate, then those angels have been working over time with new and innovative ideas, I'm sure, to keep him here. I'm stressed and my head hurts! But I'll get through the day and relax and cuddle on the cozy futon with squeaky clean Copper, Abby and Brandon. Now that's heaven.

Name:

Gina

Email:

ginafimbel@yahoo.com

Date:

April 16, 2003

Time:

01:28 PM

Comments

Hi Betsey, I just wanted to let you know that I've been thinking about you all week. And Conner too. I'll be saying lots of special prayers for you and remembering Conner all weekend long. You have shown us all such amazing strength. I know Conner is so proud of his Mommy (and Daddy too). Love to you all, Gina Fimbel, Mom to Angel Andrew

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

April 17, 2003

Time:

10:01 AM

Comments

Thanks Gina. Well, I gave John a thing to put in the paper on Sat. He's going to pick out the picture and I wrote the little thing. I put that poem in there about the butterfly... A butterfly lights beside us like a sunbeam...And for a brief moment its glory and beauty belong to our world...But then it flies again...And though we wish it could have stayed, we feel so lucky to have seen it. That definately describes our sweet sma babies. Conner was a good dream we all had at the same time.

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

April 19, 2003

Time:

10:30 PM

Comments

Thinkin' of you, Conner. I think you visited me today. Meredith was a witness. Everytime I'd turn the tv on-Conner's little white tv, it'd turn off. I'd turn it on and it'd turn off.over and over. So, we kept it off. Meredith left and Brandon got here. I said, "Hey Brandon, watch. Everytime I turn on the tv, it goes off like a half a minute later. I think something's wrong with it." So, I turned it on and it didn't turn off. It hasn't yet and its been hours. Whatever, that's just weird. What's so weird is that we get tv weird things and toy things. I wonder if that's because all he did was watch tv! It's fun thinking abbout it. Seriously, I miss you Conner and I know you like for me to feel like you're here and laughing and smiling. So, whether we had Conner tricks today or not (other weird things happened, too!) you know I love ya. I think the strangest thing about this day is whole time thing. I can't believe its been a whole year. So much has changed in a year! On April 19, 2002, I had a son, a divorce and just started working. I was still in that other house. On April 19, 2003, I have a little girl here that has always been like a daughter, a husband, a crazy hectic worklife. And every day in between-no Conner. A lot has changed in a year and it seems so short and so long at the same time. I'm glad a year has passed because I'm closer to the edgeless pain but I don't want so much time to come between my memories and real thoughts about how life was with Conner. I don't want to forget his personality or the way he acted in response to us. I need to watch the videos! Anyway, I'm tired and I need to finish working and go home and then go to mom's and then go to court and then relax, maybe.

Name:

Grammy

Email:

Date:

April 20, 2003

Time:

08:16 AM

Comments

We got through yesterday by being with good friends. Lew and Diane (Maria's folks). They've been with us through good and bad times.Those are the kind of people who make all this craziness easier. Maybe because you see that everyone has "challenges" in his/her life. They can handle theirs without whining and feeling sorry for themselves and so we can, too. Today we'll hide plastic Easter eggs for the kids and eat good food with our family. We'll have the older generation (Mammaw and Pop Pop and the younger - Lauren, Drew, Abby, Bobby) Jeff won't be here in body, but we'll make a video to send to him. WE have so much to be thankful for. Betsey, when everyone goes home and we're all alone, we'll watch videos of Conner and laugh and cry. Happy Easter to all you sweet sma babies and all their brave, strong families.

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

April 20, 2003

Time:

09:52 AM

Comments

Happy Easter! Abby woke up to a big basket and now the drive to Grammy's!

Name:

Email:

Date:

April 21, 2003

Time:

07:42 PM

Comments

I'm a nurse in southern California. Two of my patients have SMA type 1, and I found your site while researching the disease. I check back often because the way your family and friends have gotten through Conner's illness and passing are nothing short of inspirational. It's so clear to see how loved Conner (and all the children in your family) are. I feel a little silly writing in your family journal when you have no idea who I am, but just thought you'd like to know that Conner has touched lives all the way in California....I've told my patient's parents about the Angel's web site and hope they can find some comfort and helpful info. here. Take care and God bless!!

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

April 22, 2003

Time:

10:33 AM

Comments

I just read your entry to my mom and now we are more inspired! Thank you. This journal is open to everyone and I am so glad and thankful that you wrote. This journal has three main purposes. One is to keep family and friends up to date with how things are going. The second purpose is to share with others taking this journey or one like it that their feelings, thoughts and actions are shared by me and my family and they aren't alone. The third purpose of this journal is to keep me sane. By writing in here, I'm visiting with Conner and getting out my sadness and frustrations. I'm so thankful that it actually serves those purposes. I am planning to changing the look of the site and the links so it better serves as a resource for those looking for sma information. I will keep my journal out of a need to keep me sane. I want to change it to an angel site or maybe another character Conner liked, like Woody and Buzz or Tarzan or something. That's a little more mature. Elmo was in Conner's more youthful months. Thanks for caring.

Name:

JENNIFER

Email:

jenniferleighhirsch@hotmail.com

Date:

April 22, 2003

Time:

12:06 PM

Comments

I LOVE CONNER I WOLD LIKE TO KNOW THAT WEAR HIS GRAVE IS LET ME KNOW OK THANKS JENNIFER HIRSCH

Name:

Miss Lucie

Email:

lucimck@yahoo.com

Date:

April 22, 2003

Time:

08:26 PM

Comments

Hi, Dear Betsey, I was in town last weekend. I placed some yellow flowers by Conner and some pink ones by my dear friend Connie. I came by Conner's Place and a green car (rag top) was pulling out. I parked in Jack's parking lot. That might have been you. I'm sorry I missed you. The place looks great. I'm very proud of you. School is about over and I still think of the impact Conner made on my class. The children still ask about all of you. They learned a lot from getting to know Conner. I really appreciate you and John making the visit up here to the mountians to see the class. They will always remember you. I looked at the sky in the direction of Conner's star the other night. It was shining so brightly. I know he was smiling and laughing. Take care and know that I think of you often. Eat your vegetables and enjoy your days. Remember, you are loved. Miss Lucie

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

April 22, 2003

Time:

08:40 PM

Comments

Thanks Miss Lucie. I hate that we missed you. I would love to have given you a big hug! Brandon is making me eat my vegetables and no sweets. I have to sneak them......Jennifer, Conner's grave is in Lower Lotts Creek Cemetery. There is a tree right beside the road running past the cemetery. When you get to the tree, just past that tree, on the right is Conner and Miss Connie's graves and headstones. It says, "Riggs." Thank you, Miss Lucie, for visiting them. I didn't go on his angel-heaven birthday, but I drive by it when I go teach a class in Claxton.

Name:

hjfklsd

Email:

Date:

April 23, 2003

Time:

08:10 PM

Comments

HAHA....YOU'RE GHAY! i don't like Eminem...i don't like him...he's a mokey..he's ghay!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so like i'll ttyl a.k.a talk to you later! well g2g a.k.a got 2 go well g2g bye!

Name:

Grammy

Email:

Date:

April 25, 2003

Time:

08:06 AM

Comments

Now that last entry was just plain weirrrrd...I guess there are all kinds of people out there reading this page. To be honest, I don't much like Eiminem either, so we have something in common. I'm glad to know that there are people who are inspired by our love for our children. I can't even conceive of those who wouldn't build a life around children. Happily, those children grown up to nurture other children...their own and other peoples. I still remember being a child (long time ago) and feeling like an adult. Those little ears hear everything and those little eyes see everything and we are the ones who teach them who they are and what they will become. At least until they become teenagers and drift away from our attention for awhile. That's when they need to be so strong, so they can survive that difficult time and make it on to adulthood. Betsey, how is the new puppy? Abby sounded excited about having a little doggy that she could play with. Now she and Copper will have to compete to get the puppies attention. What name did she decide on - Lacy or LeeLee? Gotta go to work. Later. Kisses in heaven to my little man.

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

April 25, 2003

Time:

11:29 AM

Comments

That is SO SILLY! I love a little spice in the journal. I kinda like Eminem. I think he's cute. The puppy is okay. I don't even know if she's a puppy, really. Copper bothered her so much last night, she finally bit him. She has a lot of patience. I bathed her and she wasn't too happy. Her name is Lacy. Okay, gotta go or as our resident wacko would write, g2g, a.k.a. gotta GO!

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

May 02, 2003

Time:

09:20 AM

Comments

I don't think I've even mentioned that Alison's new, darling baby, Carson is precious and mom and I babysat him while Alison went to the doctor. That was a couple of weeks ago. And Alison, your new house is absolutely, I mean, hu--mung--gus-ly, gorgeous. I love it. It would be a great hide and seek house. I'll have to play it with Carson when he gets old enough. I love him. He sure is a sweetie and you are already a calm, superb mom....but I knew, I mean, I KNEW you would be. You are so unflustered which the baby definately notices. That has to make him feel very secure. Okay, gotta work.

Name:

Grammy

Email:

Date:

May 05, 2003

Time:

08:15 AM

Comments

Well, I haven't written in a while so I thought I'd try to say something. Then I realized that everything I want to say has been said so many times, I feel redundant. But anyway, Betsey is moving forward in her endeavors. Abby is so smart and sweet. She's practicing for a cheerleading team and she's trying soooo hard. What a little achiever. She sees Betsey work hard and she does the same. Jeff is struggling with his many limitations that he puts on himself, but he's working and paying his bills, looking for a motorized bike that doesn't require a license so he can expand his horizons and get to meetings. Billy just got another "toy" - a wave runner to use with his houseboat at the lake. Gary and I are going to Unicoi for county business for three days - hope to see Burt and Gail and Frankie and Harry there. Maybe eat out with Pat and Don (Suzy's parents). Lauren and Drew spent the night with us Sat. night. That Drew is so funny! Gary mentioned that Drew's 4th birthday was coming up and Drew replied, "That's the last thing I want to talk about". Lauren is such a lady, sweet as ever. Conner, I want to acknowledge that pretty rainbow you "sent" the other day. I smiled and thought about you and Connie up there enjoying love and peace and tranquility.

Name:

abby

Email:

Date:

May 06, 2003

Time:

05:00 PM

Comments

hey conner i love you....very much,,,,,andimis you i...love,,you

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

May 06, 2003

Time:

05:01 PM

Comments

Abby wanted to, wrote and typed that all by herself. What an absolute sweetie. She says Conner has a laptop, too and he sees her writing and thinks its beautiful.

Name:

me meredith

Email:

Date:

May 06, 2003

Time:

09:54 PM

Comments

I just walked outside in the rain and I saw a little frog hopping. I thought of Conner because back in our days of PPEC I always used frogs for my little reminder notes. ( Don't Froget... ) Anyway- that is the second frog in two days and it just made me smile. It was good to talk with John today. love love me mere

Name:

John

Email:

johnriggs1789@hotmail.com

Date:

May 10, 2003

Time:

05:56 AM

Comments

Thanks ya'll for thinking of Mom and Conner. I miss the Carlisles. Tell Mema and Pop Pop I asked about them. I enjoyed talking to you to Meredith. John

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

May 10, 2003

Time:

03:28 PM

Comments

Meredith, you do know icky, slimy, slinky creatures are another one of Conner's signs-like the time right after he died that big black lizard thing was on my back door in the garage and the baby turtle right on my back door and the newt that ran up to me and through my feet when I was at his grave and the toad that camped out at my back door at 124. Conner's spirit was like a cat bringing me gross prizes. Happy Mother's Day to you, Connie-one of the best mommy's ever! And mom, to you, too. You have taught me to love and live and survive. Abby says things to me all the time that I used to say to you and that makes me feel like I'm doing things right. I feel like Conner's with me. I'm sure something odd or distinct will happen tomorrow to let me know. It always does. Hopefully, he won't send a slimy creature. Sometimes, I just get a really intensely happy, euphoric feeling in my stomach like I just experienced a piece of heaven and then it goes away. It feels like Conner passes through me or something. Okay, I'm sounding a little freaky, but its true. I bet other people who've lost close loved ones have felt that, too. Okay, gotta work. Abby just told me she just spilled her drink on her underwear but not her pants????? What the??? Okay, the truth...she spilled it everywhere. really gotta go.

Name:

me

Email:

Date:

May 10, 2003

Time:

03:33 PM

Comments

Oh, John, I update Mama and Pop Pop on you and the family everytime I talk to them and tell them about MaMa. They really care about you and how y'all are doing. Tell MaMa I love her and Happy Mother's Day!

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

May 12, 2003

Time:

11:00 AM

Comments

Conner visited me in a dream last night. It was so nice to hear his voice and kiss his cheeks.

Name:

Meredith

Email:

Date:

May 13, 2003

Time:

08:49 PM

Comments

Whoa!!!! I don't know if I am cut out for this JOB thing!! I'm so worn out and all I did was sit on my butt all day and listen to different department heads come and talk about their department. I did get my I.D. and password for the AccuDose. It can only get better because I think we are at the worst. It wasn't really that bad... I'm just too ADD to sit still for that length of period. Anyway- I'm sorry for all the complaining ... I will start enjoying once I get patients. love love me mere

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

May 16, 2003

Time:

09:47 AM

Comments

Meredith, you'll do great. Your patients will love you! Abby graduated last night!! She was thrilled to have her mommy here to see. Also, her Grammy and Nana and Pop were here, too.

Name:

JENNIFER

Email:

jenniferleighhirsch@hotmail.com

Date:

May 16, 2003

Time:

07:41 PM

Comments

E-M ME PICTURE OF YOUR BOYFRIEND AND LET ME KNOW HOW IS CONNER AND E-M ME PICTURE OF HIM WIN HE WASE A LITTLE BABY

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

May 18, 2003

Time:

08:50 AM

Comments

Jennifer, you didn't know that Brandon and I got married? You're so sweet. Brandon's pretty nice isn't he? He's kinda cute, too. Jennifer, did you know he's younger than I am? Kinda funny. I can take a picture of Conner when he was a baby by your mom's office for you to have. It was nice visiting with you the other day...........................I have had a couple of hard Conner days. I think I handle things well and deal with everything as it comes and manage but Sat. afternoon was hard. So, I just watched Conner videos and cried until I laughed again. It was like a reunion-emotional at first and then I calmed down and enjoyed it. He sure did love all of us so much. You can see it in his eyes. And one part when he was whining and I sang to him and he started smiling...that made me feel good that I could help him. Anyway, I'm fine now, so......

Name:

Mommy

Email:

Date:

May 20, 2003

Time:

10:45 AM

Comments

I miss you, Conner. I really wanted to hug your little fat butt last night. Brandon was very sweet to hug me (I didn't want to hug his butt, UGH!). Sometimes, I just miss you so much my heart hurts. I feel much better today and I can smile real big for you. I miss being your mommy, but I guess I need to let you and your Big Friend take care of me. Alright, Alright back to real life, debt, work, pleasing no one (also called having your own business)...just kidding, I love this crap. I love you, Conner and all your angel buddies here and there. love, love, love, your missing mommy.

Name:

Alison

Email:

ast1127@hotmail.com

Date:

May 21, 2003

Time:

05:43 AM

Comments

Well, we are finally hooked back up online after moving again. Carson is only 10 weeks old and this is his third (AND FINAL) house. I just got done feeding him, and I can't go back to sleep. I just keep thinking about all the stuff I need to be doing. We have been in our new house for two weeks, and I am just now starting to feel a little settled. I wish I could just be a mommy, but I feel like I have so much stuff to do to finish moving in. Betsey - thanks for the vote of confidence on my mothering skills - I don't feel very unflustered right now. You are certainly welcome to come visit and play with Carson anytime - he loves to be snuggled.

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

May 22, 2003

Time:

07:35 PM

Comments

We enjoyed our visit with Carson and Alison and Jeff. I loved hugging and cuddling up with Carson! He is so little and squishy and SQUIRMY! AWWWWWE.So sweet. You're house is so cozy, Alison!

Name:

Mommy/aunt

Email:

Date:

May 27, 2003

Time:

11:00 AM

Comments

We love you Conner! Last night Abby said, "There's nothing like Conner." What a sweetie.

Name:

Grammy

Email:

Date:

May 28, 2003

Time:

04:44 PM

Comments

I'm emailing from the library. Don't know how that'll work. I miss my little "floppy" baby, too. I've been thinking of him alot, when his mommy is down, I always know why and it hurts her mommy, too. Thank God for Abby and Brandon and little angel boy up there looking over everyone. We all have to fight the depressions these days, but we're WINNING!

Name:

Cousin Lauren

Email:

kathyon2@aol.com

Date:

May 31, 2003

Time:

03:33 PM

Comments

Yo, betsey, abby, and the other people who view this website. well, im now a 5th grader. im glad betseys not here, because if she was, she would say,"You're such a big girl!" and then try to steal my lipgloss and choke me to death. betsey, i hope u read this soon so you will no how it feels when u choke me. i still love you, dont be stupid. love, me

Name:

Auntie Betsey

Email:

Date:

May 31, 2003

Time:

06:57 PM

Comments

Lauren, you ARE such a big girl! And smart!! I am assuming that by "choking" you mean when I hug you tightly. Correct? Hmmmmm. Sorry for the love/ abuse. Lauren, you are getting so big. I love you!!!! Your cousin Abby put a dragon fly tattoo on my back. Oh, and I don't need your lip gloss-I have Abby's now. So....I love you. Did you know it is your granddaddy Bill's birthday today? Daddy would be 62 today? Is that right, mom? He's been gone 23 years. I can't believe it's been that long. It seems like I don't even know him or his personality anymore. I hope that doesn't happen with Conner. Anyway, I have stopped taking Paxil and I feel great. It was making me tired and icky. I am free, now. I feel so much better and I have so much more energy. I feel completely healed of my depression that made me start taking the anti-depressant. Let's see it started after Conner was diagnosed (probably in 2000), was managed with Paxil, and now, three years later-I'm free. Not of the sadness, but free of the symptoms and side effects of the diagnosis and medicine. ........................................................Lauren, you missed our sleepover. We ate homemade pizza, played dress up and watched Lilo and Stitch. Bet your jealous!

Name:

Grammy

Email:

Date:

June 02, 2003

Time:

02:52 PM

Comments

Actually, Bill would only have been 61 on May 31, but who's counting. Lauren, your Daddy would not approve of your "kuite whey" of spelling. He never liked it when people did the "luv" "4get" etc. cutsey little spelling stuff. Anyway, your intelligence has been proven so I guess it's okay for you to get cute. So, you pierced your ears again. Hope you let it take this time, so you won't have to go through that pain again. What kind of earrings do you want? Loops, stars, hearts? Just let your old grammy know. Love to my little Drew. Tell him "No Stripes" is doing fine. Abby, "Black Stripes" has a new little white cousin. My computer is still down so I'm at the library again. Later

Name:

betsey

Email:

Date:

June 09, 2003

Time:

03:48 PM

Comments

busy! I have both nieces with me. I thought it'd be easier. Ha! No, the only bad part with Lauren is that she is as hard to get up as myself. Abby's easy. I just put the tv on Clifford and she's awake. Lots to do!

Name:

me mere

Email:

Date:

June 15, 2003

Time:

07:38 AM

Comments

John- HaPpY FaThEr'S DaY!!! I know Conner is sending SuNbEaMs and BiRd SoNgS just for his Daddy today. I'm thinking about you. love love me mere

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

June 16, 2003

Time:

12:36 PM

Comments

John, did you have a good Father's Day? I know everyday is hard thinking of the little, squealer. I was watching videos this weekend and was reminded what a little fighter Conner was. On this video, this particular night, like many others, he would not let his eyes shut-no matter how exhausted he was. He was straining to keep his eyes open and watch his video. His eyes would roll and shut....THEN OPEN WIDE...then shut...nope he will not be defeated. Then I rubbed his hair and he was out. What a precious cutie!!!!! I love CONNER! Anyway, did you find it, John? You were a great dad and you will be again. Conner really loved you the way all little boys love their daddies. He thought you were real cool. "How does daddy know all the words to my favorite songs? How does he know the right video to put in? Daddy knows me and knows what I like. Thanks Dad, you're cool!" And for Brandon's sake, he has done such a good job this year as a "step-dad/uncle" to Abby. You took on a commitment and have followed through beautifully. She loves BRRRRRaaaandon.

Name:

John

Email:

Date:

June 19, 2003

Time:

02:53 AM

Comments

Yes, I had a good Father's Day. Thanks Ya'll. I hope all the other Blairs and Carlisles had a good one too. Thank you, John

Name:

betsey

Email:

Date:

June 20, 2003

Time:

04:12 PM

Comments

I have been enlightened on how to deliver services and conduct my business-that is, notice how the government and public services do business and do the exact opposite. Customer service means nothing!!! UHHHHHH

Name:

betsey

Email:

Date:

June 20, 2003

Time:

04:13 PM

Comments

I have been enlightened on how to deliver services and conduct my business-that is, notice how the government and public services do business and do the exact opposite. Customer service means nothing!!! UHHHHHH

Name:

cousin lauren

Email:

kathyon2@aol.com

Date:

June 23, 2003

Time:

01:19 PM

Comments

hello. betsey, im writing this now cuz' I just got to Grandmas and I dont have a computer. shee does. sooooooooooo, i might be a bit jealous, BUT I WENT TO THE MALL YESTERDAY AND I GOT ONE OF THOSE SPIKE BRACELETS, A PURSE, AND MY MOM BOUGHT ME A FAT CAT(stuffed) who's jealous now? hehehehehehe happy belated fathers day uncle john.

Name:

COUSIN LAUREN

Email:

Date:

June 23, 2003

Time:

02:50 PM

Comments

i 4got. 2 day is my mommys b-day. happy b-day mommy!!!!

Name:

Sue O'Neill

Email:

TheONeills@our-sma-angels.com

Date:

June 23, 2003

Time:

03:19 PM

Comments

Hi, this message is for Lauren. Hi Lauren, thanks for visiting Casey and Colin's web site. Of course I know who Conner is...Betsey and I have been in contact since our boys were little. I have a precious picture of Conner on Casey's nightstand that Betsey sent me after Conner passed away. I visit this website often and keep up with Betsey and her new business and you and Abbey...Take care...Oh, Casey just had back surgery and JUST came home today! He did great! www.our-sma-angels.com/oneills PS Hi Betsey!

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

June 23, 2003

Time:

05:49 PM

Comments

Thanks for the update! I will visit the site right now. Thank you and I think of you and the family often......Lauren, you are such a special, compassionate, sweet young lady. I'm proud of you even though I joke with you about puberty (ha!gross). I think even if Conner weren't sick, you would still have a special place in your heart for those kids that have it a little harder. But since you nursed Conner and experienced his joys and pain, the place in your heart is lined with gold. I love you so much-despite the morphing into a snotty teenager thing....okay, I'm checking on Casey, right now.

Name:

lauren

Email:

Date:

June 25, 2003

Time:

09:51 PM

Comments

oh, yeah. thanks a LOT betsey! I mean, on a website that my whole class from this year and last know about. yeah, youre a big help

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

June 27, 2003

Time:

06:37 PM

Comments

Anything to embarrass you, sweetie.

Name:

me meredith

Email:

Date:

June 28, 2003

Time:

08:29 AM

Comments

Just was thinking about Conner and how BIG he must be growing!!!! Hmmm ... it made me smile to think of him playing ball with the other boys and GIRLS!! I wonder if he flirts in Heaven like he did on Earth?? love love me mere

Name:

lauren

Email:

Date:

June 28, 2003

Time:

06:35 PM

Comments

shut your mouth betsey. FOREVER! JUST KIDDING! i love you, but BE NICE! Oh, aprils here, and she misses conner.

Name:

Grammy

Email:

Date:

July 01, 2003

Time:

02:03 PM

Comments

I had a nice visit with Lauren and April (and Drew). We missed Abby, but maybe next time. John, I thought of you on Father's Day as I do often. Yesterday, I was watching my videos of Conner and Connie. It was Daniels birthday and happier times. I continue to miss you Riggs men, but know you'll always be in my life. Lots of love to my big boy, Conner. Drew thinks Conner will be talking "when he comes back". Hope you all are praying for good things to happen with Betsey's business soon - she works sooooo hard.

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

July 01, 2003

Time:

03:27 PM

Comments

I've learned that it doesn't matter how hard you work, its who you know or how much hiney you kiss. There are some I just ain't gonna kiss. I don't care. I'll just keep doing what I'm doing and do whatever I have to do and life will progress. I miss my Conner, though. I wonder what he's thinking and doing. Where is he and who is he playing with? hmmm. Can't think of it. Too much to fix, pay, clean, do, drop-off, take out, put away...

Name:

Email:

Date:

July 12, 2003

Time:

03:49 PM

Comments

Happy Birthday to Conner! Happy Birthday to Conner! Happy Happy Birthday to Conner! Just wanted Betsey and John to know I was thinking about them today! For the last three nights at work, when I go downstairs to "get FRESH air" I have seen frogs. And on Monday, Madisyne kept telling about the BIG BULLFROG that was beside my Rent's house. So when I went over there that day... sure enough like the BIGGEST BULL FROG I have ever seen in real life. (those competitions on TV don't count) Anyway- I always associate Conner and Frogs. I think he is getting cake everywhere and having a food fight too. love love me emre

Name:

Email:

Date:

July 12, 2003

Time:

03:52 PM

Comments

Ok- I was a day early with Conner's Birthday message. Working nights really make your days the next night and the night your next days. (it all gets confused) So I was feeling "FROGGY" Anywhoo... me mere

Name:

Grammy

Email:

Date:

July 13, 2003

Time:

07:10 PM

Comments

That's an interesting little frog story, Merideth. Last night, all of Conner's family had dinner together - to sort of celebrate Conner's birthday and just plain enjoy each other for a little while. All the Riggs' boys and their family's and even MaMa, and, of course, Betsey, Brandon, Abby, Jeff and I all met at a restaurant. While we were standing outside of the restaurant after dinner saying goodbye's and having a hard time parting, there was the "tiniest" little frog I have ever seen - I think Jim and Jeff noticed it and Betsey and Abby picked it up and Abby tried to keep it captive, but finally let it go free. Maybe that was Conner trying to be there with us. I have always thought of Conner and Connie when I see rainbows and the Friday when we were driving down to Statesboro, Abby and Jeff and I saw the prettiest rainbow and felt that they were sending us a message. So there's no doubt we've all been visited in this time of Conner's birthday celebration. Happy Birthday, Little Man! Give him lots of kisses, Connie. We miss you two.

Name:

Mommy

Email:

betseycarlisle@yahoo.com

Date:

July 14, 2003

Time:

09:05 AM

Comments

Yesterday was kinda hard. I didn't really feel like doing anything but sit in the den and do nothing. Brandon worked all day and evening. That was probably good because I got uninterrupted nothingness. I'm glad mom took me and Abby out to Conner's grave before she left or I would not have gone. I don't really like hanging out by his grave. It's a little depressing. Mom, you'd be happy to know I cleaned up the house last night and got caught up with the laundry after my long day of nothingness. Of course, I cried. I'm a little tired of this not having my son thing. I feel desperate to have him but I can't. No matter what kind of fit I have or how sad I am, I can't have him. I'm tired of missing Conner. I'm stuck in hell. However, on the other hand, as I sit in the uncomfortable nothingness of hell, I know that I have the opportunity to enjoy the future. I have been trying but I have to try harder. Whatever I've been doing is not adequate and I am thankful for the opportunity to have Brandon and Abby and all my sweet friends and family to continue kicking my butt into the next day. So, now that I have felt sorry for myself, I must stop this indulgence and waste of time to do the things that I know will make my son happy and give him the best present ever-I will take care of Conner's mommy (and the others)................(by the way, I had a frog jump to me right at midnight-July12-13..I picked him up and he peed on me. frogs everywhere!)

Name:

Alison

Email:

Date:

July 14, 2003

Time:

08:52 PM

Comments

Betsey - please clean out your email account. All the emails I send you keep getting sent back because your account is full. Love, Al

Name:

Betsey

Email:

carlisleconsultingllc@yahoo.com

Date:

July 15, 2003

Time:

09:16 AM

Comments

Okay, try carlisleconsultingllc@yahoo.com, Alison. It was easier to open a new account because I have so much stuff that needs to be saved and printed on the other one. Thanks for message, though. I appreciate you and want to see the baby very soon!

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

July 18, 2003

Time:

02:06 PM

Comments

Abby started cheerleading camp at GSU today. I'm so proud of her. She's going to have to work very hard this weekend. She's just about got her back hand spring. She's been practicing. I never thought I'd be doing all this girly stuff when I had a boy four years ago. Ooops gotta go.

Name:

Grammy

Email:

Date:

July 19, 2003

Time:

07:40 AM

Comments

Go Abby! She is a little fireball. Her determination reminds me of Betsey when she was little and also today...never give up. Betsey, I know things have been a little tough lately, but I hope you will remember that you have a dream to fulfill and I hope you will not give up on it. When you have executive headhunters calling you and offering to set you up in a high paying job with benefits, it's hard to keep your eye on the prize. But the prize is worth all of this, if you will just remember what you've always wanted and are well on your way to achieving it. Have you noticed that every time things get desperate something seems to come along to help? Your little angel is watching over you and helping to get Conner's Room Training Center off the ground. Go Betsey!

Name:

Cousin Lauren

Email:

vanillababe184@yahoo.com

Date:

July 20, 2003

Time:

04:46 PM

Comments

hey i just wanted to let yall know i caught a huge toad last night an i thought of u conner! i know u love frogs and so does your mommy. his name was Bob. hey, frogs r like people sort of! they need names 2. love u guys byebye

Name:

Grammy

Email:

Date:

July 21, 2003

Time:

08:04 AM

Comments

Lauren's still asleep. She spent the night with us. We love having her. She's getting to be such a young lady. It's hard to call her my baby (but she is). My other little baby (Drew) wouldn't come over. He's at the "separation anxiety" stage and nothing I could entice him with would work - even playing gamecube with Uncle Jeff, but I'll keep trying. Visited with Lew and Diane last night. It's always so much fun to spend time with our old buddies. Abby, we wish you were here with us...know you enjoyed all the attention you got at cheerleading camp this weekend. You are the STAR in the family. You're going to go very far, my little sweet poopie pot.

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

July 21, 2003

Time:

03:39 PM

Comments

Um...Abby was nomitated for the All-American team by the National Cheerleaders Association, excuse me.... She tried out in front of the whole camp and parents and was cheered on by all. All the girls did great, but, I mean, her charisma preceded her. I am so impressed by her outgoing, courageous personality. She embraces the crowd by being 100% Abby. I think all she cares about is the fact that she got a sports bra and was able to wear lipstick during the competitions.

Name:

Email:

Date:

July 21, 2003

Time:

03:39 PM

Comments

what is "nomitated"? I mean, nominated...

Name:

Grammy

Email:

Date:

July 22, 2003

Time:

07:55 AM

Comments

Lauren, are you out there? Was that you correcting the spelling? I miss you. Did you know that "Holes" was playing right around the corner from your Dad's office? We could have gone there yesterday, if I had known that. Maybe we can do that next week. I love you. For all you people out there reading, I just want to tell you that Lauren is growing into a lovely, tall, statuesque young lady, with wavy blond hair. She is going to be in the fifth grade. Drew is going into preschool, but not at all excited by the prospect of being away from Mommy. He'll do just fine when the time comes. Abby, I've got some cute pictures to show you.

Name:

Grammy

Email:

Date:

July 28, 2003

Time:

06:50 PM

Comments

I had a good visit with Drew and Lauren over the weekend. We missed Abby, but keep hoping she'll be with us soon.

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

August 01, 2003

Time:

09:58 AM

Comments

Abby is officially registered for kindergarten! She's excited to ride the bus and told me we can't be late. Good girl. We are almost moved into our new Conner's Place office. We moved a couple of streets back to Inman street. Its roomy and professional and I like it. gotta go and move some more, go school supply shopping and go to Abby's open house at her school.

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

August 05, 2003

Time:

07:01 PM

Comments

Abby's first day of kindergarten. She has a very nice teacher. I miss Conner. I wish I could take him to school, too. We're at our new Conner's Place. Brandon bought this office, and I'm renting from him now. It's very nice with a big training room. My office is nice, professional. We have a lobby, a resource and work room, and a playroom for Abby. We also have an extra office I need to rent out. Brandon's not cutting me any slack on the rent. This is Conner's Place. I feel him everywhere. Our neighbors across the street gave us cake! The man asked me if the place was named after the little boy that was sick. That is why I named it Conner's Place so people would remember Conner and he did! And Miss Abby....I am so proud of her. She was so excited to start school. She wanted to show the teachers how well she can read and do math. She is such a good reader. She was determined to learn to read and once she knew the sounds, nothing could stop her. Abby tries pretty hard and wants everything perfect. I love her. Her little brother was born and he is in the hospital. He was very early so we worry about his health and progress. Abby's optimistic but says he may go live with Conner. She has a lot to think about. And the questions that I can't answer are endless. I feel like I'm talking to myself. It helps. I miss Conner, as always. It's unbearable. Thanks God for my little makeshift Abby, Brandon family, though. It helps. We rely on each other and huddle together and its nice.

Name:

Grammy

Email:

Date:

August 06, 2003

Time:

09:25 AM

Comments

You are doing an awesome job with Abby and Conner's Place and Brandon. You are not alone. You may feel that way sometimes, but you're not. Things are going to continue to get better and better and someday you'll be able to think of Conner without the terrible ache you feel now. I know that you long for that sweet little body and those big searhing eyes, but you're right, he is all around you, just in a different form. When the lows come, he's what makes you keep going. When the money runs out, he finds a "donor" to put in your path. When things get overwhelming and we turn away from each other, he brings us back together. I love you, little one.

Name:

Grammy

Email:

Date:

August 10, 2003

Time:

08:48 AM

Comments

Abby just woke up and is watching VH1 and singing along, playing her "drums"(coffee cans and chopsticks). She and Lauren went to lake with their dads yesterday and rode the waverunner. Drew and Lauren spent Fri. night with us. Abby got a splinter in her foot and after about two hours of pleading, Grandaddy and I were able to get it out without a total nervous breakdown on Abby's part. What a dramatic little thing she can be. But her big old tears get to me every time. She claimed that the splinter hurt more than her broken arm. I think that must have been a memory problem. She has long forgotten that pain, but this one was new

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

August 15, 2003

Time:

04:07 PM

Comments

I have nothing to say. Just living. I love the new work place. Abby's upset that her class party wasn't a "party" with a pinata and stuff-just some food. No dancing or games, she said. Oh, I'm scared we have another Carlisle party-ier on our hands. OH NO!!Gotta go spend time with Abby.

Name:

me mere

Email:

Date:

August 15, 2003

Time:

08:35 PM

Comments

Hey Hey! It's kind of weird thinking that Madisyne and Abby are in the "BiG" Kindergarden!!!! They are in the "foreal" school. Whoa- just the thought of the road ahead of them makes me want to create a time machine to STOP time. Ok Ok - so maybe I want the time machine to STOP time for me also. It's just so wierd having a J-O-B!!! I guess I'm realizing there is not a pause in time to be created. I'm so proud of those girls and all they have endured and all they are becoming. A nurse friend at the hospital is trying to get me to interview with a home health agency. This agency is based out of Atlanta and their Pt.'s are in the surrounding areas. This agency is specific to neurological conditions. It's an option... if I could work with a pediatric Pt. But- then I think of then bonding and can I handle another physical bonding separation. But then I think of the bonding ya'll had with Irene and think YEAH I can handle it! Hmmmm..... I see frogs every night when I walk outside to "check the weather" and think of Conner each time. Conner is 100% unFROGettable! Just seeing his eyes in his pictures reminds me of his determination and SPIRIT. I miss Conner but I know that is being selfish since he is so much more free and happy hanging out with the other kids on the clouds. I love you Betsey and John for letting me spend those precious moments I got to spend with Conner. Ok Ok... I think I am rambling in the journal. (sorry) love love me meredith

Name:

Cousin Lauren

Email:

Date:

August 16, 2003

Time:

06:53 PM

Comments

Hello I was just writing about my 1st week of school! Yes, I am a big 5th grader, Aunt Betsey! I miss yall especially you, Abby!!! I wish I could come down and see you guys!!! I really want to talk to yall on the computer at home cause we got internet! WOO-HOO!!!!!! Well I will type later i love you guys!!! Uncle John I hope I see you sometime soon!!! Bye yall

Name:

Grammy

Email:

Date:

August 17, 2003

Time:

09:38 AM

Comments

I dreamed about Conner last night. He was sooo big. John had brought him for a visit and he could say "Daddy" and "Mommy". I watched a documentary last night before I went to sleep about a little boy who was very sick. It showed the doctors talking with the parents and all the treatment options, etc. But the worse part was watching the little innocent child having to deal with so much so young (he was five years old). I just cried and cried and went to sleep thinking of my little boy and that whole time. I'll always cherish the time with Conner and all the Riggs family. I'll always miss that little guy, but glad he's not suffering or wondering why he can't run around like the others. Wish he could give me some answers... I'm very proud of my two big school girls - Go Lauren and Abby. And Drew, have you decided to stay in school when you start in Sept. or are still saying that you won't stay there? I bet you will and you'll grow to enjoy it (I hope!)

Name:

JENNIFER

Email:

jenniferleighhirsch@hotmail.com

Date:

August 17, 2003

Time:

09:44 AM

Comments

I WAN,T A PICTURE OF JOHAN AND CONNOR E-M IT TO ME AND WRITE ME A LONG LATTER ABOULT CONNOR AND TELL ME WHEAR HE IS AND YOU TOLD ME ONE TIME BIT I FRIGET PLACE E-M ME A PICTURE OF HIM AND JOHAN TO I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MADE GOD BLESS YOU AND THE U.S.A jenniferleighhirsch@hotmail.com

Name:

Grammy

Email:

Date:

August 24, 2003

Time:

08:06 AM

Comments

Jennifer, if you'd like a very nice picture of John and Conner, go to the photo section of this site and bring up the last pictures there. There's a wonderful picture of three of the Riggs men with Conner just before he died. They all look so handsome and Conner has a trying real hard to smile as big as everyone else. Aren't they handsome? Well, I have Lauren and Drew this morning. Lauren won the spirit stick cheering yesterday. The team lost the game, but Lauren won, so that's what counts. Drew pitched a mini fit when Shannon and Billy left, but he calmed down when he realized it would do no good and he already had me wrapped around his finger - promising whatever he wanted when we got to my house. So after stopping at Brewsters for ice cream, he and Uncle Jeff played until he fell asleep exhausted. Lauren stayed on the computer with her friends, but that's what she likes to do these days, so I left her alone and got some rest myself. Today we get Abby back from Pat's and take her to Betsey in Wren's. Tomorrow I start looking for another job. We're having cutbacks again...I need to paint and SELL paintings, so I can stay home. Love to all the Conner lovers...I miss him everyday.

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

August 26, 2003

Time:

04:52 PM

Comments

I tried to email you a picture, Jennifer, but I don't know if the picture ended up going through on the email very well. The photo page does have the best one of the guys. Thanks for thinking of Conner and his family. You are very sweet to be so caring! Hope to see you soon.

Name:

Miss Lucie

Email:

Date:

August 26, 2003

Time:

08:51 PM

Comments

Hi, Dear Betsey, Doesn't time get by too soon!! I hope you are well and happy. Another year started and another group of children to teach. I'll try to keep up with you as much as possible. I'm not sure where your new place is, but I know you will be successful. Try to eat your vegetables and get plenty of rest. Sounds like you must with such an active Abby. I know she is the Star Student in her class. Remember you are loved, Miss Lucie

Name:

JENNIFER

Email:

jenniferleighhirsch@hotmail.com

Date:

August 27, 2003

Time:

07:47 PM

Comments

I DID NOT GET IN E-M FROM YOU SO I WANT A PICTURE OF COONER I DID NOT GET IT ON MY COUMPTER SO E-M ME IT ANGINE TO LOVE AWLYS AND PRAY FOR YOU TO GET OVERY IT AND SHOW ME HIS GRAVIE AND YOU CAN TAKE ME OUT TO SEE IT BUT LET ME KNOW WIN YOU WANT TO GO SEE YOU LATTER E-M ME A LONG LATTER TO JUST SMILE FOR ME JENNIFER

Name:

Ginger

Email:

gingerm@enia.net

Date:

September 03, 2003

Time:

02:41 PM

Comments

Betsy: I wanted to let you know that a message board that I read are going to start stitching squares for SMA children. I don't know when it will get started, but thought you might want to know about it. I copied the web site where the discussions are in case you wanted to read some of them. http://www.123stitch.com/cgi-bin/BBS/bbs_forum.cgi?read=207075-000000.msg Ginger

Name:

John

Email:

johnriggs1789@hotmail.com

Date:

September 03, 2003

Time:

02:45 PM

Comments

Thanks all of ya'll for thinking about us Riggs and Conner. I love hearing about your dreams and thoughts. I've been having good dreams about him lately, but when he speaks, it's always words that don't fit, like building or pool pump. Hmmm? Baloo or LarryBoy I would understand better. Thank you, Grammy, Betsey, Jennifer, Meredith, Lucie, Gina, Lauren, Abby and everyone else out there. Conner's listening too. Love, John

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

September 03, 2003

Time:

07:23 PM

Comments

Jennifer, did you get your pictures? Conner told me, hey, the other day with a talking Elmo book. The sound thing is not on the book anymore (the pictures you push to make the sounds). Abby and Brandon were waiting outside for me and I had to run back in and get something out of Abby's room. I was standing there thinking of what I was getting and the Elmo book thing went off three times and stopped. You have to push the button! Anyway, I laughed and said, Hey Conner! Brandon gets freaked out so I can't talk to him about it. He took all the batteries out of everything because he was getting so freaked out. Abby wants to write: hi conner hows your day wel mine is good to; conner from;betsey and abby.....Abby wrote that all by herself! She is so smart. Very different message from the ones she used to send-the ones that were all nonsense! We love you, Conner! By the way, our Conner's Place sign was stolen!!!!! I put something in the soundoff about it. I didn't want to at first because I didn't want to sound like a victim of a mean thief. But it was a good outlet for my sadness that someone would steal my sign that had so much sentimental value. I made it by myself. It wasn't super pretty, but I made it! Anyway, John-you had asked and the status is that it has disappeared into the arms of a selfish thief-probably by the same name as my sweet darling baby who inspired the sign and the services. Oh well. I made a paper one and taped it on the door. They can have that one but it'll probably be there for 10 years.

Name:

Grammy

Email:

Date:

September 04, 2003

Time:

08:20 AM

Comments

I have more signs we can paint. We'll just make you another sign and if some degenerate tries to remove it we'll just have them "caught on camera". Conner doesn't care where the sign is. He saw you toiling in the hot sun to get it painted. That little soul is everywhere we go. I sorted out my videos yesterday and have many that I will start looking at and seeing which ones John would like to have copies of. Most of the time we had two cameras set up at the same time, so there are lots of duplicates. But there may be some early ones or some when we were here that would be new for ya'll. I really love the one when Drew was touching him and rubbing his head and of course, the one with Abby holding him when he was tiny and could still be held. I'll be having lots of time to do these things - soon. Maybe I'll even teach myself to make the copies. I guess it's time for Grammy to learn something new. Love to the Riggs', Conner's (MaMa) and Blair's. Brandon, stop working so hard and COME SEE Us.

Name:

JENNIFER

Email:

jenniferleighhirsch@hotmail.com

Date:

September 05, 2003

Time:

01:58 PM

Comments

E-M ME PICTURE OF HIM AND THANK YOU FOR MY PICTURES DO YOU WANT TO HAVE LUNCH SOMETIME JUST LET ME KNOW HOW ARE DOING WHEAR IS HIS GRAVE LET ME KNOW E-M ME A LONG LATTER NOW LOVE AWLYS JENNIFER JUST SMILE AND ALSO SEND ME A PICTURE OF YOU AND BRANDON JUST A CUT COUPLE E-M A LONG LATTER AT MY E-M ADDRESS

Name:

me meredith

Email:

Date:

September 08, 2003

Time:

09:00 AM

Comments

Hey! Ok I know ya'll won't be believing me but on our way home from Coleman's Lake on Thursday night... it was raining and all the frogs came out. On one road we counted 131 frogs! (Of course not all lived I'm sure since they were in our headlights.) But I did think of Conner and how cool it was that there were FROGS everywhere. Big ones and Little ones. love love me mere

Name:

Grammy

Email:

Date:

September 09, 2003

Time:

05:31 PM

Comments

I believe you Mere,cause while I was reading your entry (with a little skeptism) my computer just turned the program off and I had to get back in. Conner says "BELIEVE". I get it, babe.

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

September 11, 2003

Time:

10:45 AM

Comments

Well, there was a newt in my office. I thought there was a ghost in there. But, it was a newt. It scared the crap out of me. Anyway, we attach everything to Conner! We probably over credit him. He's probably flying with the other sma angels saying, whatever y'all(he's a southern angel), as long as you think of me! Well, Abby was so excited about riding the bus. It signified being a "big girl." I had to start picking her up, though, because she was quickly finding herself in situations where she was having to physically defend herself and that means "fighting" which means against the rules-no matter what. Either change the kids or remove her from the situation. I would love to ride the bus home with her and do some of the group work with the kids on the way home like I do with the middle schoolers, high schoolers and domestic violence offenders. You laugh, but kids respond to certain techniques. They may not be able to transfer the lesson off the bus but at least Abby's bus would be safer. However, the easiest thing is just to pick her up in the afternoon. And I can't guarantee her safety if there is no supervision with that many kids. I want guaranteed safety. Every bus should have an extra couple of adults on it to supervise the kids. Nobody would do that job. Bus drivers must be so frustrated. It's hard enough being the sole driver with two or three kids in the backseat much less 25.Gotta go. Talk to you soon, Meredith! Thanks for thinking of my angel baby.

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

September 17, 2003

Time:

08:55 AM

Comments

Okay this whole frog thing is crazy. There was a frog in my bedroom! It scared me. I thought it was a hopping roach. Anyway, I gotta work. Thinking of you, Conner. I have dreams every once in a while but they are always about Conner being real delicate and I drop him or forget him or find him someplace strange. I think I feel like I'm supposed to be mothering him and I'm not doing a very good job because I've lost him. And when I dream, I find him and I feel aweful because I feel like I have been neglecting him by living without him and he needs me. I wish my dreams would change and I could just enjoy him. I love you, Conner.

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

September 19, 2003

Time:

01:31 PM

Comments

My dream changed. In my dream last night Conner was a baby moving around, then a toddler walking and then a grown teenager. I kept hugging him and asking him questions and wondering where the disease went. I cried a lot in my dream. It was a nice visit, though. And Abby was there, too.

Name:

Lisa

Email:

Date:

September 19, 2003

Time:

10:46 PM

Comments

Betsey....I'm the nurse from southern California who wrote in here a while ago (April or May, I think). Anyhow, was just checking up on the site and read about your dreams...I'm glad you had one where Conner was big and healthy! It probably left you feeling bittersweet. I hope the sweet outlasts the bitter, and you have more happy dreams and visits with your baby.

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

September 22, 2003

Time:

10:53 PM

Comments

Thank you Lisa for writing! My dream was like a present. I asked and I received. And I'm thankful. My subconcious and concious must be at war. Okay, I think there's a diagnosis there. I guess its that way with everyone, though-just different issues. Thanks for thinking of us. I have been thinking a lot about the other sma families. I can't get the babies off my mind and heart. Sweet babies.

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

September 23, 2003

Time:

09:46 AM

Comments

My mom is 60 today-that would be Sandee Carlisle. You are 60...60...60...60. Happy Birthday! SIX ZERO. In Spanish, its Sesenta. That's still 60.

Name:

Alison

Email:

Date:

September 23, 2003

Time:

03:43 PM

Comments

No one would EVER believe it by looking at her...

Name:

Grammy

Email:

Date:

September 25, 2003

Time:

07:28 PM

Comments

Ok, already, I'm OLD. But for some reason I just don't feel like it (most of the time, anyway). Some days I feel like I'm Lauren's age and then other days I feel like I'm a young mom and then there are those days when I feel like Grandma Moses and then some. Today I started out young and aged quickly, but tomorrow will be better. I had a great birthday - Sunday was special with all my children and all my grandchildren - missed Brandon. Today I thought about Conner alot and miss him so much, but keep remembering that he's in his special place watching over all of us. We need you little guy - give us a miracle.

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

September 26, 2003

Time:

12:53 PM

Comments

I just found out that Conner's Place Family Violence Intervention Program has been officially certified by the state. I did not know what I was getting into when I started, and was beginning to get a little discouraged. All I wanted to do was offer some anger management classes through Conner's Place. But now Statesboro and the other places in this district will have a program that holds domestic violence offenders accountable for their violence and abuse. If nothing else, they have to commit to and pay for 2 hours a week for at least 24 weeks (6 months). Usually offenders just get told to stay away from victims but aren't held accountable or required to change their behavior. They can just move on to someone else. By offering this program, the community places the responsibility of keeping victims safe on the offenders and not just on victim advocates. The victims shouldn't have to hide out to stay safe. Anyway, Conner's life and inspirations touch yet another population. Gotta go.

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

October 01, 2003

Time:

02:07 PM

Comments

Okay, Conner's Place is listed on www.gasafesite.org and then in the upper right hand corner at FVIP. I am just so proud.

Name:

Miss Lucie

Email:

lucimck@yahoo,com

Date:

October 06, 2003

Time:

08:55 PM

Comments

Dear Betsey, Congratulations on your new adventure!!!! I know you will be truly successful. Much Love, Miss Lucie

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

October 07, 2003

Time:

01:58 PM

Comments

Thank you. I love the opportunity to state Conner's name throughout the day. I have to write it and say it and see it. I've told about five people today how to get to my office today, "It says, Conner's Place on the door" and spelled out Conner's name-"it's c-o-n-n-E-r." Everytime I say it or spell it or see it I get a warm, smiley feeling in my gut. I am so proud of his name and his memory and the goodness he has inspired!!! He continues to be my guardian sma angel and I feel him right here with me right now.

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

October 07, 2003

Time:

05:38 PM

Comments

I just read that entry and it sounds a little too "perky" and a little bit fake. But it really isn't. I have had a hard time getting over finding Conner right after he died. It flashes in my head and I think its causing more problems with me than I have realized. I'm dealing with stuff, it just feels harder to get through the day when my brain is plagued with flashbacks of death. I have figured that out and I am trying to do things like rationalize that I couldn't have done anything for him and he died in the most peaceful way. I am lucky that I have a sweet friend, Kate, and sweet husband, Brandon to talk things through with whenever I need it. I usually only feel those feelings when I'm overwhelmed with other things, too. The days are getting better and business is getting better. Abby is a MESS!

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

October 08, 2003

Time:

12:14 PM

Comments

Last night, Abby's cheerleading team presented what they have learned so far with their routine. It is so absolutely cool. I mean there is Abby and her little body out there, part of that presentation of physical expertise and talent. I couldn't help but cry. Talk about feeling stupid-crying at the sight of a really neat cheer. All of these girls are pre-teens down to Abby, 5. And they are dancing and doing backhand springs and back flips. They are as good as those girls on television in those competitions. Well, that's what they are preparing for-to compete in those competitions. But I am so impressed at Abby. She is hanging right in there with them and learning the cool dance and cheer stuff played to remix of nostalgic 80's music. They are teaching her to be in a stunt! Throw her way up and twist around down and catch her! She is so cool and talented. Abby works so hard and you can see the results.

Name:

Mom

Email:

Date:

October 08, 2003

Time:

03:32 PM

Comments

Hey you, little girl, Of course you have the bad moments and they come at the most inopportune times. Those "flashes" of that moment just don't go away, but they do get tucked further and further back in your head. The good moments are the ones we like to dwell on. You gave birth to a beautiful little boy who loved his mommy and daddy with all his heart. He was adored by everyone who came in contact with him and he was cherished by his family. He had a disease that we'll never understand, but it was no one's fault and the way you and John handled it was the best way you possibly could - make every minute of his life as joyful and happy and comfortable as possible. He was special, you are special and maybe that's why you were chosen to be together for that period of time. Conner loved you and John and God made a good choice in giving him to the two of you. And you're right, he'll always be with you - and with John - and with me - and with Sonny and with everyone who loved him and continues to love him.

Name:

jim

Email:

jlr0028@hotmail.com

Date:

October 09, 2003

Time:

12:38 AM

Comments

Betsey,hey,i've just spent the last hour reading and remembering the last couple of years and what all our families have been through. I look at all the pictures and would give anything to have that part of our life back,when everything was semi-normal. I think of momma and conner all of the time, and what it would be like if they were here right now. I do know one thing, there would be two spoiled grandchildern, but that's what grandchildern are for, right?. I hope everything is going well, please call if I can assist with your new program. Love jim

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

October 10, 2003

Time:

08:28 AM

Comments

I know Jim. Everytime I get aggravated or ill tempered (Carlisle trait), I think of Connie and how she would handle a situation. When I feel sorry for myself, I think of Conner and what he had to go through and that he doesn't even have his life. Then I live. I'm glad you visited. Its hard to read the old stuff. I never go back more than a couple of days and read. I haven't been able to do that. Its way too hard for me to think about those times-good and bad. I'll talk to you soon, Jim. I needed some assistance the other day, Jim. The kids are proving more dangerous than the others. I just need a bouncer or a deputy to go to work with me and follow me around and my day would be much easier.

Name:

Grammy

Email:

Date:

October 13, 2003

Time:

08:22 AM

Comments

Abby and I watched Conner's birth video yesterday - what a happy time. Connie looked so happy and well holding him and talking to him. We were all so hopeful for his future. If only we could freeze that period in time. But when I see it, I think of all that was to come. I thank God that we didn't know then what we had to face. It would have been just too hard to enjoy the moment. And what a special moment it was. Jim, Betsey says that Julie is expecting again. I am so happy for you. I can't wait to see another little Riggs baby. Little Jim will be a great big brother (maybe a little jealous at first?)Sonny needs more babies to spoil. He's good at it, right?

Name:

JIM

Email:

Date:

October 13, 2003

Time:

11:29 PM

Comments

YES,JULIE IS EXPECTING AND WERE ARE VERY EXCITED. THE DUE DATE IS APRIL 25TH. WE SHOULD FIND OUT THE SEX IN A FEW MORE WEEKS. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHAT I WANT (BOY OR GIRL)I JUST TELL THEM A HEALTHY BABY, AND THATS ALL THAT MATTERS. JULIE PLAYED A JOKE ON ME AND BROUGHT HOME A PICTURE FROM THE ULTRA-SOUND, AND THE PICTURE WAS A SPLIT SCREEN SHOWING TWO BABIES. WHEN I SAW THE PICTURE I WAS SPEECHLESS, AND I JUST LOOKED AT JULIE. I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO HAVE TO GET TWO MORE JOBS. PLEASE PRAY THAT EVERYTHING GOES WELL. BETSEY, CALL ANYTIME IF YOU NEED ANYTHING.

Name:

Ginger Malphrus

Email:

gingerm@enia.net

Date:

October 15, 2003

Time:

11:45 AM

Comments

Betsey, Just wanted to share with everyone the site of Cole's Quilts, which are to be made for the children and families of children with the horrible disease, SMA. http://www.our-sma-angels.com/colesquilts/ Looks like we are going to be busy. We have little Cole Daniel Webb to thank for the inspiration of starting these quilts. He is a very sick little boy right now. Everytime I read about Cole, I think of Conner (even though I didn't and don't know you or him, except through updates in my Sunday School class, he was in my prayers), and all that you all went through. Ginger

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

October 15, 2003

Time:

03:14 PM

Comments

Thank you so much Ginger for sharing and posting that information on Conner's site. I appreciate your concern, and I will visit his site. You are so thoughtful to keep up with us. Thank you.

Name:

Becky

Email:

baloogee@hotmail.com

Date:

October 24, 2003

Time:

10:53 AM

Comments

Hello!! Where is everyone? I hope everything is okay. I miss hearing how everyone is doing.

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

October 24, 2003

Time:

12:02 PM

Comments

Thanks for keeping up! I've been so busy with work. Conner's Place is staying very busy. Work is getting more dense. Ideas are turning into actions and its very exciting. I am really enjoying working with our local University-the students and professors. Georgia Southern's involvement is making such a difference in our effort to make Conner's Place and Carlisle Consulting, L.L.C. an important resource for families and human service agencies. That was my mission and I am watching it happen. To do this in Conner's name means the world to me. It would be even better if I could pay all my bills. I am getting there. Once I am able to provide effective,important services to communities and pay my bills-I will feel SUCCESSFUL!!!!!! Anyway, Abby's birthday is this weekend. She has several themes going on but doesn't that reflect Abby? She is getting a Karaoke(sp?) machine, a drum to start her set, a guitar, and we'll have her other instruments set up. We doing art stuff with the kids since that's another love of hers. I am decorating Conner's Place and putting American Idol stuff in one corner and art stuff in the other. She have a huge dance space. I am so excited!!!! I told her she had no idea how much fun her party would be and she told me I had no idea how sad she'd be when it was over. She's so clever.

Name:

Becky

Email:

baloogee@hotmail.com

Date:

October 24, 2003

Time:

03:56 PM

Comments

Hello, I'm glad to hear everything is fine. I was getting worried there for a while. I haven't heard from your mom or anyone else. I check the website everyday. Betsy, I am so glad things are going so well for you. P.S. Conner lives on through his WONDERFUL mother!

Name:

Grammy

Email:

Date:

October 25, 2003

Time:

01:35 PM

Comments

Jeff and I are here in Statesboro, getting ready for the BIG party. Abby is so excited. Pictures of Conner everywhere...I know he's enjoying the excitement right along with us. I hope some of Riggs' family will show up. I miss you guys. Betsey is doing a great job!

Name:

Betsey for Abby & Betsey for Betsey

Email:

Date:

October 27, 2003

Time:

10:04 AM

Comments

I had a great birthday. I sung lots of songs and danced crazy. I did art. I ate my guitar cake. I played with friends. Had fun!(The real Abby can speak for herself, later) Now for Betsey-it was really funny when I was making Abby's guitar cake, I could really feel Conner. It was like he was laughing or something. I could feel him so strongly, more than I ever do, when I was putting the icing on the cake. I have no doubt that he was present when I was doing that. It was cool-a real-not dream-but a real visit. It was like when someone is standing behind you and you can feel that person standing behind you. And, intuitively, you know who it is. If its someone tall, you feel that person's presence tall. If its a small person, you only feel the denseness of the air half way up your body. You just know sometimes someone is there by feeling the presence before you see them. And that's how it is with Conner. I just know he's there, like he's hiding around a corner and I can feel the air seems a little more dense. Sometimes I just get a feeling inside but sometimes it is really like he is present. I don't think its crazy though. I think anyone who has lost someone who is close would probably say the same thing. Whether it is a psychological trick to comfort me or a true visit is irrelevant to me. As long as I believe that Conner is with me in some form (a whole form) and that he is connected to a larger being (God), I'm cool. I can manage, as difficult as that may be. I will manage. I am managing. Now, I must work!

Name:

Belinda

Email:

belindadeloach@hotmail.com

Date:

October 28, 2003

Time:

09:46 PM

Comments

Hi Betsey, Brandon, Abbey, John, and Everyone, It is so good to hear that everyone is doing well. Rick, Randy, and Ryan are coming up for Rick's birthday tomorrow night-22!!! They are all doing great-still avid hunters. Ryan has replaced his rifle with a bow and arrow-killed 4 hogs and a deer. He has turned into a regular Daniel Boone! When they are all here, it reminds me of when you all would come. Ryan would tell Conner all about his turkey calls and then blow each one for Conner for him to tell which one he liked best. They communicated like they were both big boys. I think of Conner often when I am doing therapy with my babies and remember when Conner and I would play dress up with feather scarves and silly shoes or sing our little songs. Of course, we all know that John was the real 'singer' in the family. Those were good times. I am excited to hear about the new little Riggs coming along. Congrats to Jim, Julie, and little Jim-nothing more exciting than a baby. Enjoy!!! I am doing well, staying busy with all my 'babies'. It is so fun to play and be silly all day and actually get paid for it. Life is good. You are in my thoughts daily. Love, Belinda

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

October 29, 2003

Time:

10:58 AM

Comments

I am so glad to hear from you Belinda. Tell Rick, Happy Birthday! Remember when Abby would flirt with Ryan by hitting him and running out of the room? We miss you! We'll be at Conner's Place tonight eating dinner for Abby's "real" birthday. Please come by if you are out, driving home or something. Conner really loved you! I bet all of your babies love you, but Conner really loved you. You were probably one of the very few people that really knew how to play with Conner in the most interactive and age appropriate way. You knew that he could do things that I would never have even thought of. You really, drastically improved Conner's quality of life. I am so glad you visited the site. Please call us or come by sometime. We miss you and love you!

Name:

Sandee

Email:

Date:

October 29, 2003

Time:

04:22 PM

Comments

Hi Belinda, I miss you too. You were certainly one of Conner's favorite people. He was so lucky to have so many caring loving specialists who gave him affection as well as therapy. We all miss that sweet angel. Betsey is doing great with Abby. Abby has so much love, but Betsey gives more than love, she does the hard part. The party was great Sat. the kareoke was a real hit. I enjoyed seeing my sweet John. Maybe I'll have a longer visit soon and can get around to see the rest of the folks. Stay in touch, Belinda.

Name:

Belinda

Email:

belindadeloach@hotmail.com

Date:

November 02, 2003

Time:

03:24 PM

Comments

Thanks Betsey & Sandy! So glad everyone is doing well! Love, Belinda

Name:

me mere

Email:

Date:

November 05, 2003

Time:

12:08 AM

Comments

Hey Betsey!!!! I still check here after Yahoo e-mail and before Hotmail e-mail everytime I check my mail. I just flipped through the photos and is was so good just to have a few moments to remember... to go back and see Conner. I drove to Macon today for a conference with her team of therapists at the Rehab Center. It is SO frustrating realizing the lack of communication between doctors and all the therapists. I don't blame the therapists!!! I blame the doctors and lack of following through with their part. (i.e. writing the orders in which they portray to the family) AHHH! Anyway- have no fear Meredith is on the case! Ha Ha. It was so good to see everyone at Abby's birthday party. Speaking of which, Madisyne's is at 10am on this Saturday Nov. 8th at Mill Creek if Abby is able to make it. It was good to see John too. I still think of Conner often. love love me mere

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

November 07, 2003

Time:

09:40 AM

Comments

Hey me mere! We miss you, dude. I gotta work Sat., but if Abby's around, her hiney will be there. love, love.

Name:

Aunt Betsey

Email:

Date:

November 12, 2003

Time:

07:40 PM

Comments

Lauren, I love you, girl! Your birthday is so soon. You are getting so tall. Abby and I miss you! Just for anyone's information, Conner's has been sending major messages. Someone even asked me if the room that has Conner's toys in it was haunted because two things happened while she was here. I don't even notice some stuff anymore. I said, "No, that's just Conner." I guess the answer would be, yes, then. Anyway, whatever, it's kinda cool to have weird, strange things happen. Work is going very well. We got a couple of very good, big accounts. I just wish the big stuff would have a quick turn around. They won't. Everything takes time. I wish the big things could subsidize the things we don't get paid for. We probably make $2 an hour when we add up the amount of pay for amount of hours per week. But it will pay off. Time, patience, perseverence. Its a good combination. A formula for success. Keep the bad attitudes at arm's length. My most serious challenge is others' negative attitudes. Yep. I really hate those. And you can't change someone's bad attitude because people like that got that way over a long period of time. Yep. I guess that's where the work of patience comes in. Work it. Work it. Gotta go and bathe the baby...the big 6 year old baby. She is so grown up. She thinks she has boobs. "Look how big they are Aunt Betsey!" Oh my gosh! What to do? "Sure, Abby." I don't want to give her a small boob complex. Okay, gotta go home. Work is now officially over for the day!

Name:

Grammy

Email:

Date:

November 17, 2003

Time:

01:02 PM

Comments

What's wrong with a "small boob" complex? Some of us live our whole lives with one and (or two) and do just fine. I enjoyed Abby, Lauren and Drew this weekend. Drew can say all the colors in Spanish - so cute. Abby sure does have an attitude. Lauren is soooooo sweet. They are all wonderful and so very loved. Hang in there, Betsey. All good things come in time. Patience is something we all have to have these days.

Name:

Grammy

Email:

Date:

November 17, 2003

Time:

01:02 PM

Comments

What's wrong with a "small boob" complex? Some of us live our whole lives with one and (or two) and do just fine. I enjoyed Abby, Lauren and Drew this weekend. Drew can say all the colors in Spanish - so cute. Abby sure does have an attitude. Lauren is soooooo sweet. They are all wonderful and so very loved. Hang in there, Betsey. All good things come in time. Patience is something we all have to have these days.

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

November 20, 2003

Time:

09:20 AM

Comments

I'm waiting on Kate right now and we're going to talk to a community health class at GSU. We go recruit. We're always looking for students who are smart with good ideas and need volunteer hours. They are wonderful and have made our programs so much better. Anyway, I never wait on anyone. I'm usually always late. BUT, I have been doing so good the last month. I have been really trying to be on time or early. It been my new year's resolution for years and I've finally done it. Well, I'm practicing. Oh well, time to leave. Abby is a sweetie and I'm excited to see Drew and Lauren for Thanksgiving. Alison, I'm thinking of you and I love you.

Name:

Grammy

Email:

Date:

November 20, 2003

Time:

03:28 PM

Comments

Alison, I'm thinking of you too. I'd love to see little Carson. Bet he's getting big. Hope the Riggs family has a good Thanksgiving. I always miss the missing family members when the holidays roll around. I guess it's unrealistic to expect to keep everyone together. But, you're all in my heart and my "good" memories. Hey, is Michael Jackson sick or what? Good example that money can't buy ya' happiness (or good sense).

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

November 21, 2003

Time:

02:38 PM

Comments

Does this mean that now everytime someone types M.Jackson's name in the search thing that Conner's website will come up?

Name:

JENNIFER

Email:

jenniferleighhirsch@hotmail.com

Date:

November 24, 2003

Time:

08:32 PM

Comments

I WISH I COULD MEET CONNER BUT NOW I CAN,T BUT ONE DAY I WILL GO TO HEAVING AND SEE HIM LAY THARE BUT NOT ANEY TIME SOON I WILD LIKE TO SAY HELLO TO JOHAN AND LET HIM KNOW THAT I AM PRAYING FOR HIM LOVE AWLYS JENNIFER JUST SMILE :) :):):):):):):)FOR CONNER

Name:

April Harris

Email:

sh6Hrr@aol.com

Date:

November 25, 2003

Time:

12:40 PM

Comments

Coners family I just read Coners page and it so filled me with tears and touched my heart. He is sosoo cute!These little angels are what I call my Heros. We to have a little hero whom we lost in Aug. She tought me so much about life. I love her and Miss her so Badly and ache to hold her. She was my life and now the big emptyness and the questions asking why my Bay girl. But to know she can noe play like never before comfets me and to know she has a new buddie three helps to. May God Vless you and your family. Warmly April Harris Mikaylas site www.caringbridge.org/tn/kayla

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

November 29, 2003

Time:

03:34 PM

Comments

April, I will go to your site. Thank you so much for writing on Conner's page. And, yes, Conner is right there with Mikayla, playing and running. I know the feeling of aching to hold the baby. Even when Conner was so sick, when we were snuggled up close and I was holding him tight, I knew everything was okay. He was alive with his bipap breathing for him. I was holding my baby and Conner had his mommy real close. I miss those times. I do ache to snuggle so close to him and touch his curly hair. I would say, "Mommy luuuvs Conner," and he would bounce his tummy back three times-I love you! I ache to feel his soft little hands and feet. I would rub his feet on my cheeks and across my mouth and kiss, kiss, kiss. I miss his real faint laugh but huge smile! Oh, April, I know how you feel and I know exactly the feeling you are describing when you say that you "ache" to hold your baby again. I do know and I feel it with you. I feel it when I don't have anything else to think about. When everything is quiet or when I am going to sleep-often-I just wish I could have contact. Okay, I am going to check out Mikayla's site and see your angel.

Name:

Cousin Lauren

Email:

LKCarlisle@bellsouth.net

Date:

November 30, 2003

Time:

07:17 PM

Comments

Hey...I'm sorry I haven't written in a while...been kida busy...anyway, the other night at Grammys while Abby, Brandon and Betsey were there (actually Brandon wasn't there yet!) and Abby and I went out to Betseys car to get the karaoke CD. Abby gave up and went inside, while I searched around. They had brought a guitar cake...and it's a cake it can't play music, and anyway it was inside, I heard guitar music playing. It couldn;t have been a toy because the only thing Abby brought was the karaoke machine and it was inside. It couldn't have been Betsey or anyone elses cell phone because they were inside! I knew it was Conner so I said, "Hey, I miss you too." Uncle John...when will I see you again?!! Love you all...Lauren

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

December 01, 2003

Time:

09:32 AM

Comments

I love you, Lauren! Abby is really missing you. You gave her lots of attention and she loves that. I miss your sweetness, too. You are a beautiful, sweet, loving human being. love, love

Name:

Grammy

Email:

Date:

December 03, 2003

Time:

04:35 PM

Comments

I've been looking at old pictures and old, old, old pictures. Mammaw and Pop Pop came by and it's been nice to see Pop Pop as a little boy and Bill and my children as babies and then Conner and everyone - well, it's just life passing us by. We get to stop and look back every so often and remember - trying hard to keep the memories happy ones and not dwell on the sadness. Love to all of you sma families who are struggling and loving your little angels. We'll always remember and love our angel, Conner. We are so bless to have Lauren, Drew and Abby here to hug and kiss and love on.

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

December 10, 2003

Time:

11:58 AM

Comments

Thanks mom for taking care of your sickly daughter. I needed you. I always feel like such a big baby when I'm sick because I think of what Conner went through and he did so with a big, sweet smile.

Name:

Belinda

Email:

belindadeloach@hotmail.com

Date:

December 15, 2003

Time:

08:02 AM

Comments

Hi, I am thinking of you all during the holidays. I cherish the good times we had together. The boys are growing up so much. Randy has bought him a place on the river and moved in last weekend! I am so proud of him and all of them. Conner is in my thoughts daily as I 'work' with my babies. Happy Holidays. Love, Belinda

Name:

Becky Newsome

Email:

baloogee@hotmail.com

Date:

December 23, 2003

Time:

05:16 PM

Comments

Hello! Where is everyone? I hope everyone's okay! Hope you all have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

December 25, 2003

Time:

07:49 PM

Comments

Thanks for the note. This Christmas has been pretty good. Its easier to fight the depression when you have people to share the time with. Brandon, Abby and I went to the beach, then visited family from southeast to northeast Georgia today. We're back at work tomorrow. Merry Christmas!

Name:

Betsey

Email:

Date:

December 30, 2003

Time:

04:41 PM

Comments

The past week has been so good. I don't know why. Well, I know why. I am determined not to let the holidays depress me! I am tired of letting past things get in my way of enjoying this time of year. Since my dad died right before Christmas when I was young, every year until Lauren was born in 1992-the day before my dad's death anniversary-Christmas was not something I particularly looked forward to. I loved getting stuff when I was a kid but it was never the same. Now, I don't remember what Christmas was like before my dad was killed. After Lauren was born, Christmas was refreshed. We got to get her stuff and watch her enjoy everthing. Then Abby was born and that was refreshing. Around the time Abby was born was when Connie got breast cancer. Life started getting scary again, then. And then Conner was born and spent his first Christmas in PICU. Conner's second and last Christmas I spent in the emergency room. I set up all his presents, went to the hospital, came home, woke him up and he had Christmas. Connie had died before his second Christmas. Then Conner died after his second Christmas. Last Christmas was the first chance to start over with the Holidays. A twist of fate handed me a brand new family. We bought Abby a bike and wrapped it up. This year, I am determined to address the stuff. I finally unpacked some things and got organized at my house. I have been so afraid of unpacking my stuff that had memories of my dad, Connie, Conner,all my past and painful lives. I can do it, and I am doing it. I am getting my pain in order. I am prioritizing the pain! Plow through the boxes and put the stuff in cute little storage things and keep it. Or say, good-bye, and throw it away! But I am doing it. And soon, I will not have to deal with the past all hidden in boxes around my house. I know I've pulled it out and placed it where it needs to go. I'm ready to be happy with my new family and not continue to ache about the old ones that were tragically disrupted by murder, alcoholism, cancer, and sma.